Wednesday, September 23, 2020
Marriage & Affairs Hero Background

Marriage & Affairs

Married dating sites and affair dating apps get a lot of flack for tempting people to cheat, but sometimes it takes an anonymous dating experience for men and women to figure out what they want and what they deserve.

It’s natural for married individuals to have doubts, to feel restless, and even to consider stepping out on their partners. A married dating site provides a safe space for them to consider those options without blowing up their relationship or ruining their reputation. They’re just browsing and seeing what’s out there.

Some people are content with window shopping on a popular dating platform — meaning they match and chat without going on any actual dates with single men and women. Others are looking for a romantic thrill or good sex, so they try to move things along a little more quickly.

Our dating experts have identified several online dating sites and apps that can be helpful to anyone thinking about having an extramarital affair, and you can find our articles about them below.

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Certain websites and apps have contributed to a growing wave of infidelity around the world. In the U.K., researchers found that one-third of separation cases cited Facebook as a factor in their split.

Affair and hookup sites, like Ashley Madison, are even more overt tools for cheating than Facebook, and such discreet dating services can attract both attached and unattached individuals looking for a little fun on the down low.

Anyone considering having an affair almost certainly has concerns and questions about how online dating works and if a married dating site can keep their secrets. That’s why we’ve put together a list of frequently asked questions regarding dating sites for marriage and affairs to help clear things up a little.

Why Do People Cheat?

People cheat for a variety of different reasons, but, for the most part, it boils down to the fact that they’re unhappy with their love life the way it is. Maybe their marriage is falling apart. Maybe they’re feeling stressed about their work and career trajectory. Maybe they just want to feel young and attractive again. A lot of insecurities and emotions can come into play. One unfaithful husband compared his cheating habits to an addiction and said he has to make a conscious effort to control his impulses around women.

Photo of a man taking off his ring

Some decide to cheat after a lot of hard thinking, while for others it’s a spur-of-the-moment thing.

Cheaters can sometimes justify their behavior by saying their partner doesn’t pay enough attention to them or make enough of an effort in their relationship. Sometimes they suspect a partner of being unfaithful, so they join dating sites for marriage and have an affair in retaliation. Placing all the blame on a partner may lessen your guilt, but at some point you have to take responsibility for your actions as well.

Simply put, married people cheat because they can. They see something they want in the dating scene, and they pursue a hookup on a dating app like Tinder regardless of the consequences.

Do Men or Women Cheat More on Affairs Websites?

Men typically outnumber women on dating websites and dating apps, and they’re also usually in the majority on affair websites by a margin of about 60-40.

According to a survey, 20% of men and 13% of women surveyed said they had had extramarital sex, so men technically may be more likely to cheat — but not astronomically so. You should also take this data with a grain of salt because it relies on people self-reporting, and it’s possible that women are merely less likely to admit to cheating than men are.

The idea that men cheat more frequently than women is a dangerous stereotype. People say that men have wandering eyes, higher sex drives, and fewer compunctions about cheating. Some even claim men have a biological imperative to mate with as many partners as possible.

Such arguments reduce people to their basest drives and discount a man’s ability to control his actions. We live in a civilized society, and men are just as capable as women of committing to a relationship and raising children.

Can Affairs Be Good for a Marriage?

This seems completely counterintuitive, but we have gotten feedback from couples who say that an affair prompted them to go to therapy, work on their relationship, and appreciate their family all the more. It can actually strengthen a marriage if both partners are still in love and willing to work through their issues and rebuild trust.

Maybe having a secret affair will get the fantasy out of your system and make you recommit to your significant other. In that way, an affair can actually save a crumbling marriage.

Photo of holding hands

Couples can heal their relationships by airing out their grievances.

Disclaimer: Such positive outcomes are certainly desirable, but they’re also rare. A majority of boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives will break things off with a cheater because they see faithfulness as a non-negotiable issue. And you can’t really blame them. Yes, maybe you can try to win that person back, but it’ll take a lot of mea culpas to get you back on track.

About 40% of self-confessed cheaters were separated or divorced. Meanwhile, 76% of people who said they had never cheated were still married.

How Long Do Affairs Usually Last?

An affair with single men and women can last as little as a month or as long as a few years. There isn’t any set time frame, and people are usually reluctant to talk about how long their extra marital affairs have gone on. We’d estimate that under a year is pretty typical because at some point a married partner will get suspicious or a lover will get jealous, and something has to give.

It’s extremely difficult to sustain a sexual affair because you’re basically living a double life as a married person with something on the side.

Discreet dating may seem exciting at first, but they can grow stale pretty quickly. Cheaters can stress themselves out covering their tracks on online dating services and keeping their stories straight, while mistresses (or the male equivalent) grow tired of being treated like a backup option. After all, no marriage minded person wants to be “the other woman” or “the other man” for very long.

How Many Extra Marital Affairs End in Marriage?

It’s common for people having affairs to claim they’ll run away together and get married one day. It’s a lot less common for them to actually follow through on these promises. Fewer than 25% of cheaters leave a spouse for the sake of a lover, and less than 5% of affairs end in marriages.

To make matters even bleaker, about 75% of second marriages end in divorce. The odds are stacked against couples in extra marital affairs, but a slim minority of couples still manage to make it work.

How Common is Cheating in Marriage?

Temptation is everywhere. At work. On the bus or train. In line at the grocery store. And now online. Married individuals who want to cheat can do so simply by registering on a free dating site.

Something like 40% of couples have issues with infidelity. While some may assume young couples have trouble staying loyal and controlling their sex drives, it’s actually older couples (between 60 and 79 years old) who report the highest rates of extramarital dating and sex.

Photo of an affair

Affairs can happen at any time in a marriage — even after decades together.

Internet dating has allowed online daters to find potential partners (or even a mail order bride) more quickly than ever, so it’s no wonder dating sites for marriage commonly attract married people who are unhappy with their long term relationship.

International dating sites, Christian dating sites, mail order bride sites, and other dating services can help marriage minded singles meet potential matches.

What’s an Emotional Affair, and Do They Last?

An emotional affair happens when you find yourself having feelings of romantic love for another person. You’re cheating on your spouse emotionally, but not physically. Emotional affairs tend to happen between close friends or colleagues who have an excuse to see each other often without raising suspicion or jealousy.

As feelings grow between two people, they may discuss running away together and starting fresh with a new relationship. Emotional affairs are powerful because they are grounded in something more than just sex, and sometimes they can lead to a long term relationship and marriages.

One marriage expert claims that only 10% of all affairs actually turn into real relationships, while the others all fizzle out.

Is Flirting Cheating in a Relationship?

This is debatable. Everyone draws the line in a different place. Some married men and women feel highly threatened and jealous when they see a partner talking flirtatiously to someone else. Others are more lenient as long as it’s just talk and not actions.

Even having a dating app like eharmony or Christian Mingle on your phone could be considered cheating, even if you don’t actually meet single men or women.

Screenshot of Ashley Madison

An Ashley Madison survey found only 13% of couples thinking fantasizing about someone else counts as cheating.

About 29% of online daters said in an Ashley Madison survey that having a dating profile on a dating app constituted cheating on a partner, yet only 13% said fantasizing about someone else counted as cheating.

Every partner is going to view this issue differently, and some may say that swiping on Tinder, creating profiles on online dating apps, or completing the personality test on eharmony counts as emotional cheating.

Can Affairs Be Healthy?

No, having a secret affair is not healthy. It involves lying, breaking promises, and hurting people who rely on you. It can tear families apart. Extra marital affairs go against the tenets of Christian dating and can cause trust issues and lead to feelings of betrayal and unworthiness. It’s not healthy to do that to your partner or yourself.

That said, individuals and couples can recover and get to a healthy place after dealing with an extra-marital affair. But it takes a lot of work — and probably a lot of therapy as well.

How Can I Find Local Affairs & Illicit Encounters?

Finding a local affair is the easy part. You can go online to a discreet dating site and take full advantage of the swiping lifestyle to meet like-minded people. Most online dating websites and dating apps will prioritize matches based on location, so you’ll see local date options at the top of your online match list.

Some hookup sites allow you to identify as someone who’s in a relationship. Otherwise, you’ll have to register as single or divorced, and explain the situation in private messages. If you’re on an extramarital dating site like Ashley Madison, you’ll find people are more receptive to having a flirtatious online chat and going on a date with someone who’s married or in a relationship.

What is Married Dating?

Married dating may sound like an oxymoron, but it’s a lifestyle that some men and women choose. It simply means that individuals continue dating even after they’re gotten married. Sometimes they do this with the blessing of a partner — meaning they’re in an open relationship or polyamorous marriage — and other times it’s a secret affair.

Photo of a threesome

Many online daters are curious about polyamorous relationships and open marriages.

Sometimes married people want a little excitement or variety in their everyday routine, so they decide to start online dating again. Individuals may hope that affair websites or dating services like Tinder or Adult Friend Finder will spice things up and maybe improve their sex lives, but the reality may not always be as satisfying as what they imagine.

Are There Any Free Married Dating Sites and Apps?

Married people looking for a discreet affair should consider creating an anonymous online dating account on a popular online dating site. You can encounter many sexy individuals on platforms designed for international dating or local romance.

Many dating websites and apps are 100% free to people of all ages and orientations, and you can usually send messages to your online matches without paying a cent.

Plenty of Fish, eharmony, and Match.com are all free dating sites where like-minded people can mingle.

Which Married Dating Sites and Apps Actually Work?

The most successful online dating sites and apps for married men have millions of active users and tons of matching and chatting tools to help facilitate new connections. Many married dating platforms can deliver secret dates and lead to extramarital affairs or a long term relationship.

Ashley Madison is probably the best-known affairs dating site in the world. This hookup site has over 60 million users in 50 countries, so it can help married men and married women get in an ex-marital affair.

We’ve also positively reviewed FindNewPassion, which has offered online avenues for affairs since 2008. This dating site offers free online communication and matchmaking for married, attached, and single people seeking loving and passionate dates.

Are Affairs Dating Sites and Apps Safe?

Yes, affairs dating sites and apps can be safe ways to explore your feelings and get to know married people. Online daters just have to watch out for scammers, spammers, mail order brides, and blackmailers. Luckily, it’s pretty easy to spot folks with illicit intent. If someone moves too quickly, seems too good to be true, or just acts a bit off, you should do a background search on Google, Facebook, and other social media sites to see if your online crushes and potential partners are the real deal.

Photo of a computer

It’s important to do your research before entering the online dating scene.

Another major concern for cheating men and women is online privacy. As an online dater who’s married, you’re disclosing sensitive and secret information to dating websites, so you need to make sure that the dating service or marriage agency won’t share your personal details with anyone.

You can read the privacy policy and account termination policy of online dating sites and apps to learn how they deal with data. Affairs dating sites like Ashley Madison take extra precautions to keep identities a secret.

Online dating platforms for the LGBTQ community and interracial marriage also take care to protect like-minded people from being outed.

Cheaters have to be wary about giving too much away on a matchmaking website, dating app, or marriage agency if they want to stay safe and avoid becoming a cautionary tale for online married dating.

Best Dating Sites for Married People in 2020

Best Dating Sites for Married People in 2020