I’m a writer who primarily covers sex and relationships, so that means my single friends look to me as their go-to dating guru. I get texts and calls all the time looking for a pep talk or advice. If they’re serious about wanting to meet someone, I always encourage them to give online dating a chance.
I enjoy helping my friends set up their dating profiles on Tinder, Hinge, and other apps. I’ve picked up some tricks that work well, and I feel gratified by making sure my friends show off their personalities and really communicate what they’d be like as partners.
What is a dating profile? It’s a summary of your personality traits and what you are looking for in a romantic partner.
Creating a good dating app profile isn’t actually that hard (it just seems scary if you’re new), and it can have an incredibly positive impact on your dating journey. When you choose the right photos and write a thoughtful bio, you allow your personality to shine, and that’s the most important thing.
But, before you join the online dating ranks, there are some profile pointers I want to share with you.
The Psychology Behind First Impressions
According to research by the Cleveland Clinic, about 60% of people will experience love at first sight. Whether you believe in it or not, there’s no denying that many people have felt at least some level of infatuation when they first start crushing on someone.
That early cupcake phase of romance is all about assuming generously. Your crush is perfect and can do no wrong. You see good qualities and imagine more good qualities to fill in the blanks of what you don’t see.
Think about your first childhood crush and what you liked about them. Maybe it was their sparkling smile, flowing locks, or their witty sense of humor. No matter what it was, they obviously left a great first impression on you. In the same way, you can catch the eye of a potential partner when you set up a great dating profile.
First impressions, as they say, are everything. You’ve got to represent yourself in a positive way on a dating app or site. That way, you can attract just the kind of partner you desire.
Visual Appeal & Quick Judgments
The swiping model is the most common matchmaking method of today’s popular dating apps. Honestly, it’s either people’s most or least favorite feature depending on who you talk to.
When swiping through platforms like Tinder, Match, or Bumble, it’s common to make a split-second decision based on photos and very little information. You’ll shuffle through selfies and travel pics of a potential match, maybe scan their bio and a few key personality traits they include on their profile, and decide to swipe left to skip or swipe right to “like.”
This requires you to make very quick judgments based on some surface-level insight about that person — and they do the same to you. This is precisely why it’s important to go through your dating profile with a fine-tooth comb and put your best digital foot forward in any way you can.
Attractiveness & Personality Perception
Although most of us are familiar with the saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover,” the truth is that dating apps actually encourage the opposite. The photos are up top on dating profiles, and some singles don’t bother scrolling through to learn more and, you know, read stuff.
Sure, some people use their profile photos to show various aspects of their personality (using travel photos, poses with their pets, large group shots of their recreational soccer team, etc.), but most people who use dating sites tend to choose pictures that make them look as physically attractive as possible. Cue basic selfie with a generic background.
There is nothing wrong with physical attraction and sexual desire, but allowing that attraction to cloud your judgment isn’t a good thing.
You could assume a hottie is a good person simply because you think they’re good-looking. And I think anyone who has watched “The Bachelorette” knows good looks don’t always equate to good morals.
Back to my point: This behavior of making assumptions is actually referred to in psychology as the “halo effect” — you perceive benevolence in the other person and are essentially blinded by a good first impression of them, even if what you like about them is mostly physical.
Key Elements of a Compelling Dating Profile
The first thing I tell my friends is to customize a dating site profile that puts values and lifestyle front and center. This can help you attract the right matches, and make you more intriguing and holistically attractive to others. If you want to really upgrade your dating app game, there are some core elements you’ll want to pay attention to.
Profile Photos
You are more than your appearance. On dating apps and sites, however, it’s never a bad idea to present your physical image in the most flattering way possible.
A common complaint among singles who date online is that some users post outdated or misleading pictures on their profiles, leading their matches to be surprised and confused on a first date in person. This is referred to as “catfishing,” and it is something you’ll definitely want to avoid.
It has become such a widespread problem that many threads on Reddit are dedicated to sharing stories about times when people were catfished. If you don’t want to be accused of this type of online fibbing, make sure the photos you use are both recent and accurate to how you actually look, right now.
Other types of photo faux pas are using photos with bad lighting that don’t accurately show your physical features in an attractive way, too many group photos that make it difficult to get a sense of how you look, and pictures that are too heavily edited. Remember, you want people to see you for who you truly are, in the best way possible.
Good photo options to lead with are exciting and engaging travel photos, pictures of you doing activities you love, or poses where you’re dressed well and looking your best. Whether you’re mid-laugh at a pottery class with friends, at a fancy work event, or petting monkeys during your trip to Bali, let others see the essence of your spirit and the moments where your inner and outer beauty really shine.
Bio & Written Prompts
As someone who has used dating apps on and off for more than a decade, I’ve become pretty picky about the bios I like to see on dating profiles. Those 300 or so characters offer you the best chance to really put your sense of humor, personality, and passions on display.
If you love to crack jokes and be silly with a partner, try including a fun pun or riddle for others to laugh about. Involving something interactive in your dating app bio may encourage people to swipe right on you so they can message you about it. If you have certain core values or specific preferences you’re looking for in a partner, it doesn’t hurt to mention some of those in a positive way.
The word “positive” is key when it comes to writing your bio on a dating site. One thing that makes me immediately swipe left on someone is when they’ve written something negative or offensive in their bio.
Rather than choose to entertain or entice others with fun or meaningful words, people who say things like, “Swipe left if you’re a [political affiliation]” or “Don’t match with me just to waste my time” can be really off-putting to others, so it’s best to refrain from using your bio to vent about how jaded you are after a string of rough first dates.
Demographic Details
Some of the best features dating apps and sites offer provide a wide variety of customization options and chances to dive into the core of who you are. From your zodiac sign to your love language, many of these platforms allow you to give potential matches a really solid idea of your beliefs, interests, and what you’re looking for in a relationship.
That said, many of these profile inclusions are optional — and for good reason. If you work a high-profile job that you’d rather not disclose to strangers or if your religion is very sensitive and personal to you, you can choose not to share that information on your dating profile.
Even opting out of details like drug or alcohol use can prevent people from making snap judgments and skipping over your profile without hearing the context about it from you personally.
Best Practices For Showing Personality
Even if you’re a homebody or prefer nights in reading a novel over going out and socializing in crowds, everyone has something cool or unique to share about themselves. Setting up a dating app profile gives you the chance to highlight the things that make you you.
The Value of Authenticity
Bots and scammers are lurking in the digital shadows, and they have been known to ruin the vibe for singles on dating apps over the years. Most legit platforms have security systems in place to minimize the impact of deceptive profiles, but sometimes they slip past.
This can be frustrating for active users — you start to wonder what’s real — so it’s important to make it clear that your profile represents a real person.
Try something like connecting your social media platforms to your Tinder account or posting a voice note or video message on your Hinge profile. Not only does this offer your matches a deeper glimpse at who you are, but it can help them feel more confident that you are who you say you are.
Be Funny & True to You
The various features on each individual app allow you to stand out and introduce your most authentic self. I always tell my friends to show their “sparkly” side on dating apps, whether that be their hilarious sense of humor or a quirky and rare talent they have that could easily charm someone who comes across their profile.
Using a Hinge prompt to tell a knock-knock joke or asking a silly question for others to respond to on Bumble can make your profile more interesting and more likely to elicit a message from your matches.
Other Tips
So many dating sites and apps exist for every lifestyle, relationship structure, and personality. If you’re in the LGBTQ+ community, popular apps like Feeld, Taimi, and HER provide a safe and inclusive space where you can meet others who relate to your story and sexual orientation.
If you are a person of color and would like to be presented with more folks from your cultural background, apps like BLK or Chispa are great options.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Even veteran dating app users can build profiles that aren’t super successful at times. From using negative language in your bio to fabricating certain details about your education or lifestyle, here are some things you’ll want to steer clear of in your online dating journey.
Overly Generic Profiles
If you swipe long enough on Tinder or Bumble, you’re almost guaranteed to see several profiles that list “tacos and margaritas” as an interest or “The Office” as someone’s favorite TV show. While many of us can relate to enjoying those universally loved delights, you should build your dating profile to show the things that make you unique.
Instead of copying the same jokes or one-liners in your bio that you’ve found in an article online or playing it safe with talking about how you love being a pet parent and you enjoy reading, go for the unexpected. Do you love belting out Celine Dion at karaoke? Are you in a local bowling league?
Think about interesting characteristics you can highlight that set you apart from the sea of singles out there.
Misleading Information
A joke I love to tell my friends and potential partners is that I should have been in the FBI. Why? Because I’m super savvy at finding out virtually any information I want on someone new. Before I meet up with a date in real life, I will probably take a peek at their Instagram, read through their most recent tweets, or even look up their public records if I’m feeling unsure. (You can never be too careful nowadays!)
If I sense that there is misleading or dishonest information on someone’s profile, it’s an immediate left swipe. Honesty is a core value for many people, so it’s critical that you present yourself in a realistic and truthful way, rather than embellishing your positive traits too much or making up wild travel stories… unless you’re writing out “two truths and a lie,” of course.
Negativity and Complaints
It’s perfectly valid to have preferences for a partner or even to feel burnt out and upset with the state of your dating life sometimes. What isn’t great, however, is to let those qualms run the show on your dating profile.
Rather than writing things in your bio like “I hate these apps” or venting about your wild exes, try offering more lighthearted or witty tidbits. You’ll be much better off than presenting yourself as a negative Nelly.
Unclear Intentions
In the same vein as ensuring that your profile is honest and accurate, you need to be clear about what you want in the dating world. Writing that you’re looking for a long-term partnership when you’re really looking for a one-night hookup is not only unkind, but it can really cause hurt feelings unnecessarily.
It’s ethical and considerate to be transparent about your dating intentions, and most dating platforms offer a chance for you to include that information in your profile.
This will also help you only match with people who have similar intentions, so both of you waste less time chatting up people who don’t share your vision for the future.
The Impact on the User Experience
Dating sites and apps have evolved tremendously over the past decade. Based on my extensive experience with several popular platforms, the features and customization options they now offer for profile-building are impressive and make the user experience more fun.
You can give others a true sense of who you are by including plenty of details about your personality and lifestyle, and receive the same from other users who have been intentional and thorough about filling out their dating profiles.
Success Stories
Dating apps are full of singles looking for all kinds of connections, and the internet is full of success stories from people whose dating profiles led them to find the love of their lives.
On Reddit, a thread from r/TinderStories shows plenty of people who got exactly what they wanted out of the app. One user, More-Jeweler9198, says:
“Also met my husband on Tinder back in 2018. We have now been married for 3 years and have a beautiful 8 month old. I have to say that I married my best friend.”
Another person by the username Donutsnicecoffe wrote, “I met my husband on Tinder as well! We matched in May of 2020, we got engaged 8 months later and we’ve been together now 2 and a half years! Marrying him is the best thing I’ve ever done so far!”
Consequences of Bad Dating Profiles
Just like the success stories, there are also some folks who had less favorable experiences with a few of the dating profiles they came across. r/Bumble also has a thread that shares some people’s dating app profile red flags.
“Omg group photos! I saw two profiles yesterday where every photo was a group photo. I literally tried to narrow it down to work out who was the last man standing in all of them. Then I went, nah.” — Reddit user
User ScallywagLXX wrote that they’ve had bad experiences with, “Anyone with ‘please know how to hold a conversation’ on their profile. The majority of the time I have matched with people like this, they actually couldn’t hold a conversation. Meaning they are actually the problem, not everyone else like they would have you believe.”
Analytics Show What You Say Matters
Ultimately, the various elements and details you include in your dating profile really do matter. Even if you’re only looking for a no-strings connection like an FWB, being clear about what you like and what you’re looking for can attract people who are compatible with your desires.
According to studies on Tinder behavior, users are more likely to swipe right on profiles with appealing photos. I think we all pretty much knew that.
I also want to point out that bios sharing more in-depth information about yourself and details like your career, height, and educational background are statistically likely to attract more matches.
Having a well-rounded, comprehensive profile that really gives someone a good overview of your interests, values, and personality is the pathway to success in online dating.
A Strong Dating Profile Can Set You Up for Success
Whether you’re setting up an OkCupid account for the first time or re-downloading Tinder after a breakup, you can make the most of it by taking time to craft a detailed, unique dating profile.
Upload your favorite selfies. Write a killer bio that truly represents your current self – in the most positive light, of course. Your online dating experience is what you make of it.
Remember that, no matter what, your worth isn’t defined by how many matches or right swipes you receive on an app. It’s really what’s on the inside that counts (cue corny music), and no matter if it takes weeks or months of sifting through local singles on Hinge, being yourself — and presenting that person confidently — can help you find the right person for you.
