You might wonder whether romance still exists in this era of swiping, matching, and ghosting. Luckily, plenty of romantics still choose to follow the process of courtship, even if it looks a little different from their parent’s version.
Back when I was single in my 20s, I felt the shift between how dating used to be and what dating is today. I was more than willing to accept a change in gender roles in the dating world, but I never minded some traditional notions, too — like when a man wanted to pay for my meal out.
Modern romance is a lot more complicated. In addition to navigating new technologies like text and video calls, we also have to deal with shifting trends and changing social norms. Relationships just don’t look the same as they did a decade ago.
Most of my dating experiences began through mutual friends. I think anyone over 35 can relate to that. Maybe your mom was friends with a woman who had a single son or daughter, and they thought you’d hit it off. Or, perhaps you met at the bar and liked the way they talked or looked.
These days, it is way more common to meet on dating apps — but that doesn’t necessarily mean that being set up on a blind date is a dead practice, especially among Gen Zers.
Here’s a good look at what modern romance means today, given the rise of technology — and what to do if you’re currently trying to navigate the world of dating.
The Digital Age of Romance
In 2023, the Pew Research Center found that approximately 3 in 10 adults have dated online. The number was even higher (53%) among young adults under 30.
Many older adults who didn’t grow up with the internet may prefer in-person methods of meeting new people. That said, online dating has proven to be successful, with nearly 70% of those trying it finding long-lasting love.
Senior sites like OurTime cater to older people who remember a time before dating apps and sites. I’ll provide some context and history for romantic trends, in case you aren’t already familiar.
Rise of Online Dating
Online dating first started becoming popular when the website Match launched in 1995. While Match is still an incredibly popular choice for adults seeking a relationship, apps like Tinder and Hinge have also gained popularity.
In 2012, Tinder took a new spin on online dating — instead of reading full profiles of singles right from the start, the app presents photos and short bios for a faster matchmaking experience that, unfortunately, can also be superficial. It’s no wonder Tinder is mostly used for hookups or short-term relationships.
Since its launch in 2012, Tinder has been downloaded over 630 million times and created 97 billion matches for its users.
There’s a good chance you have a friend or know someone who managed to find their match while initially looking for someone short-term. Getting to know someone’s digital presence is all part of learning how modern dating works.
Social Media’s Role in Relationship Envy
Today, it’s common for relationships to be announced digitally. For example, back in May 2018, Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande made their relationship “Instagram official” after posting a picture of the two of them wearing Harry Potter robes, with the comedian using a brief caption, “The chamber of secrets has been opened” to signify a significant status change.
This move isn’t just for celebrities — these pictures have become a way for others to see you’re no longer on the market and perhaps create some envy. While Pete and Ariana didn’t last, the launch made a ton of buzz for them.
Soft launching a relationship means posting a photo with a partner and avoiding a big announcement.
On the other hand, if someone is dating someone else and refuses to acknowledge them online, they’re giving off the message that they’re unattached, which can lead to insecurity within the partnership.
That means that a conscious effort must be made to virtually signal to others through sites like Instagram and Facebook that you’re taken, which is a romantic move that only spawned within the past couple of decades.
Virtual Relationships Are More Common Than Ever
It’s also more common for long-distance relationships (LDRs) to spark online. While FaceTime and other video chat services can be a great way to see your partner, it’s also essential to show love and affection through text. Just be sure to add plenty of smilies.
It’s OK for singles to feel uncomfortable sharing this side of themselves through the written word, but in modern dating, it’s crucial to make sure you get the tone of your message across through emojis, punctuation, and even the promptness of returning someone else’s text.
In my day, texts weren’t unlimited on most plans, so even receiving one made you feel worthy — now, more effort is required.
Offline Trends in Modern Romance
Sure, online dating may be one of the most popular forms of meeting someone, but plenty of people still meet the old-fashioned way — face-to-face. In 2024, a whopping 62% of couples reported meeting through friends or relatives.
Gen Z is starting to experiment with ditching apps, especially since most apps require pricey subscriptions and add-ons and sometimes don’t pay off. But that’s not the only thing that’s starting to shift.
Changing Social Norms
Earlier, I hinted at the old practice of “the guy pays for the date” and mentioned being open to that old-fashioned gender “rule” changing up. And luckily, it is. Many women are taking the first steps in asking someone out and paying for that date.
These days, it’s common to split dating costs — especially due to the state of the economy. Dating can be expensive, so it’s important to also mix in non-pricey outings as well, like hikes through the woods or streaming a movie at home.
Experience-Based Dating
Speaking of hiking, experience-based dating is on the rise. You don’t need to be outdoorsy to still get a kick out of dates that fall outside of the “dinner and a movie” rotation.
Consider pottery classes, geocaching, a painting class, or even signing up for a local yoga class together. The more you do together, the stronger your bond can grow.
The Role of Friendships in Romance
My own love story was built on a strong friendship, and I believe it can be a solid base for every relationship. Before my husband and I got together, we had already built up so many shared memories and connections, which also built trust.
If you have a strong bond with someone you feel you may have “friend-zoned,” you might want to analyze whether or not they’d make a good life partner. Chances are, it’ll be the easiest and most stable romantic relationship you’ve ever formed.
The Intersection of Online and Offline
It’s clear that dating trends can rapidly change with new generations coming of age. A recent study of Gen Z singles in Arizona revealed that in-person connections now hold more value than online romance.
Even with dating sites becoming more personalized and algorithm-based, sometimes nothing beats in-person meetups. It’s healthy to have a mostly in-person relationship, but singles should probably expect a mix of online and offline dating experiences.
Blending of Virtual and Real-Life Experiences
Some dating sites, like Bumble and Match, are trying hard to keep up with the times by having live events for local singles to meet face-to-face. Bumble calls this “BumbleIRL” and has a website of events people can attend.
What are the benefits of a singles event? Instead of waiting for a message back, people can meet in person and get a better sense of whether there’s a real connection.
Safety Considerations
Regardless of how you meet, safety is an important consideration for daters, particularly women and LGBTQ+ people. Any online match that asks outright for personal or financial information is likely a scam.
It’s crucial to vet new relationships if you meet on an app or website geared toward niche communities, like members of the LGBTQ+ community. Certain vulnerable groups may be unfairly targeted by people seeking to harm, intimidate, or steal.
The bottom line is you need to trust your gut instincts. If something seems off, it probably is.
Challenges & Obstacles
It makes sense if you’re looking to date outside of dating apps. Our recent study found that 99% of Gen Z singles said they are suffering from app burnout. I can relate to that. One of the main concerns is that these sites don’t live up to the promises they sell.
Oftentimes, it requires a lot of work and strategy to get your profile noticed in a sea of competition. And even paying for filters doesn’t guarantee quality matches. It makes sense that no dating app has cracked a foolproof formula for love — chemistry and compatibility can be hard to read or predict.
Sometimes you are convinced that an online match is right for you — at least it seems that way on paper — and then you meet in person and the vibe is straight-up awkward.
The Paradox of Choice
Having a wide pool of available singles online might feel like too much for some daters. How do you go about narrowing it down?
Instead of going out with friends and meeting one potential partner, online dating can bring 10+ matches to chat at a time, all of whom seem like decent matches on paper (or screen).
This could be why in-person connections can be making a comeback for Gen Z — there’s less anxiety about accidentally passing up a great opportunity.
Mental Health Considerations
Being constantly online can also be hard on a person’s self-esteem. For people with limited dating experience, a lack of online responses after setting up a profile may feel discouraging.
Swiping fatigue is also common — sometimes, seeking compatible singles takes more work than people realize. And it can be a huge time suck. One of the incredible things about Gen Z is their prioritization of mental health, and that includes the awareness of time spent on social media and screens in general.
Miscommunication & Mixed Signals
In-person dating can also help clear up any miscommunications that can occur through text. Sometimes, all it takes is the tone of someone’s voice to figure out what they mean and how they feel.
Sometimes, people who aren’t feeling a connection with you might not know how to say it through text, which can lead to miscommunication and a stronger possibility of ghosting. When you’re meeting in person, body language may very well tell you what text messages can’t.
Finding Meaningful Connections in a Changing World
Regardless of what medium you use to meet someone new, it’s good to remember that there’s no magic solution in this new era of modern dating. Romance takes time and effort to build, even if you’re meeting on an app famous for sparking love.
If you want my advice, one thing will always remain the same throughout time — as long as you’re honest about who you are and what you’re looking for, you’re far more likely to meet a meaningful connection that can lead to so much more.
