The world of affairs is one of secrets and mysteries, but some statistics help us understand what goes on behind the scenes. Studies estimate that 15-20% of married couples experience infidelity at some point. It’s not ideal, but some people may nevertheless find themselves drawn to free dating sites for married people.  

Some casual dating sites cater to swingers and married people in open relationships, and others openly support people seeking affairs. Whatever the circumstance, the following dating platforms offer discretion and anonymity. Whether you’re looking to make your couple a throuple, or date discreetly while keeping your marriage intact, these dating sites and apps provide a judgment-free atmosphere to explore extramarital sex and new relationships.

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★★★★★ 4.8/5.0
  • Discreetly arranges one-night stands and extramarital affairs
  • More than 80 million profiles worldwide
  • Travel-friendly features for seeking matches in other cities

No list of married dating sites would be complete without Ashley Madison. The affair site and app have a big reputation and are the choice of married people around the world for good reason.

Discretion is the name of the game at Ashley Madison. You can conceal your identity behind a fake name, blur and mask your photos or even lock them up in a digital vault, and make them only accessible to the users you give the password to. Ashley Madison users also benefit from automatic browser history clearing and the panic button, which instantly navigates you away from the site or app.

For married women on Ashley Madison, every feature and tool is free, but it’s a little trickier for married men. Men on the platform have to pay for access to messaging and other tools by buying credits. The good news is that Ashley Madison uses discreet billing codes, and even offers a lot of flexibility in payment options (including the option to use gift cards), so you can keep your extramarital search a secret.

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★★★★★ 4.7/5.0

Adult Friend Finder is a powerhouse in the hookup world, with millions of active members all looking for hookups. Everyone on AFF knows the name of the game is illicit encounters, and the platform welcomes singles, couples, and married people. It’s easy to stay anonymous in the forums and chat rooms on Adult Friend Finder and explore your needs and desires without worrying about judgment or discovery. You can even browse local users to get an idea of what’s out there without signing up.

Whether you’re a married man or woman, basic members get the same level of access on AFF to post to the forum or participate in chats, and take in adult content like photos and videos. Anyone who wants to send private messages and talk one on one needs a Gold membership, though you can read messages from Gold members as a basic user.

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★★★★★ 4.5/5.0

A dating site with the name Elite Singles may not be the first platform that comes to mind for finding an extramarital affair, but you might be surprised. The dating service for high-value singles also plays host to married people seeking something outside of their formal partnerships, which they may not be able to get out of readily. Elite Singles members are all looking for a higher class of date on a platform where more than 80% of the users have some form of advanced academic degree. High net worth and high expectations are the rules on the platform.

It’s easy to sign up, and you don’t have to pay any fees for a basic membership on Elite Singles, though you may have to wait a little while for your dating profile to be approved by the moderators. As a basic member, you’ll have access to curated matches as well as the “Have You Met” section, where you can browse profiles that come close to your specifications. But if you want to message another member, you’ll need a premium membership.

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★★★★ 4.1/5.0
  • Over 13.3 million monthly users worldwide
  • Cute or Not swiping game introduces you to hot women
  • Switch to Full Safe Mode to limit contact to verified members

If you’re looking for a raunchy roll in the hay, BeNaughty is the judgment-free platform where you can spread your wings. The dating site welcomes singles, married couples, swingers, and just about anyone else to participate in adult fun. Whether you’re looking for a third to spice things up in your marital bedroom, or seeking outside of your marriage entirely, you won’t have to worry about being judged by other users. BeNaughty makes it easy to find the right hookup, with chat rooms and spicy content to keep things hot. 

Basic membership grants you access to the public areas of the site, like the chats, and you can browse member profiles to your heart’s content, taking in the videos and photos that other users post. But if you want to take things one on one, you’ll need one of the premium membership packages.

The Chataholic package comes complete with read receipts, unlimited private messages, and other premium communication features. Extra Security gives you full HTTPS encryption, browser history clearing, and incognito mode. For the best of both worlds, the Premium Dater includes all of the tools and features in the other two packages.

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★★★★ 4.0/5.0
  • Quick registration process with options to add private photos.
  • The majority of users are single adults with experience.
  • Fraud Detection Systems ensure online dating safety.

Statistics show that the longer couples are married, the more likely it is that one or the other will look for satisfaction outside of the marriage, and Silver Singles is one platform that makes that possible. Senior singles and married people alike mingle on the platform, looking for companionship, sex, and relationships of different types.

Almost all members are over 50, and despite the simplicity of the tools and features, Silver Singles provides plenty of space for you to explain what you’re looking for and what your lifestyle looks like.

Silver Singles is not quite as useful if you want to keep things discreet, since you’re required to include a profile picture and part of the registration process includes profile verification. This step helps prevent scammers and fake profiles from getting a foothold on the platform. But if you’re trying to keep your online dating presence a secret, it does make it harder. While you can sign up and send smiles to other users for free, you’ll want a premium membership to send messages.

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★★★★ 3.9/5.0
  • Free profile browsing and liking
  • Private chat rooms and video dates for Match members only
  • Fast-working, time-tested AI match algorithm

Although Match mostly caters to singles looking for a potential partner, married people who want to find a long-term relationship outside of their marriages use the platform too. Match doesn’t exactly encourage married women or men to use the platform for finding an affair partner, but as long as you’re discreet, you can find what you’re looking for. This isn’t the best platform if you’re just looking for casual sex. But if you want to start a real relationship outside of your marriage, Match provides all the right tools.

Basic membership on Match includes access to the personality test and the ability to browse profiles and receive suggestions on a potential partner based on your preferences. You can even make contact with your Top Picks without paying any membership fees. If you want the freedom to message anyone and everyone on Match, however, you’ll need a premium membership.

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★★★★ 3.9/5.0
  • A more mature dating pool to explore.
  • Tiered communication options that allow for easy flirtation.
  • Send Icebreaker Quizzes to start the conversation.

The dating site eharmony is all about strong, long-term relationships, so it may come as a surprise to know that married people use the service. If you’re struggling with marriage regrets, it makes sense to seek out a healthier relationship on a platform dedicated to compatibility. Married people on eharmony usually keep their presence discreet and use features like the 32 Dimensions personality test, Icebreaker quizzes, and suggested matches to seek out a more compatible potential partner.

Basic membership on eharmony is free, and it gives you access to most of the core features you’ll need to find your next relationship. You can take the personality test, browse potential matches, and interact with other users in a variety of ways. The dating platform even opens up temporary free communication periods between highly compatible users from time to time.

If you want to use some of the more advanced features like the messaging system or voice and video chat, however, you’ll need to sign up for the premium membership.

8. Victoria Milan

Although it isn’t as well-known as some other affair dating sites, Victoria Milan takes things to the next level on discretion, making it a prime married dating site for many users. The team behind the site believes that every affair seeker is looking for different reasons, and that judgment and stigma don’t help.

Victoria Milan logo
Victoria Milan is an affair dating site with millions of users to its name.

Victoria Milan users can take comfort in knowing they’re in an understanding community. The features and tools on the platform are easy to use, so finding the right affair partner isn’t so stressful. Since discretion comes first, a team member evaluates every dating profile at registration to make sure each potential member doesn’t accidentally give themselves away.

Basic membership on Victoria Milan looks a little different, depending on whether you’re a woman or a man. Women on Victoria Milan get access to all of the features, including private messages, without having to pay for premium membership. Married men on the platform can sign up, browse potential matches, send winks, and can send messages to members who are online for free. Men will need a premium membership to send longer messages or messages to members who aren’t online.

9. Heated Affairs

While affair dating sites are becoming more popular, Heated Affairs sets itself apart from other affair sites by offering the most options to basic members, free of charge. The affair site is a no-holds-barred platform for illicit encounters, whether you’re a married swinger, single, or you’re seeking discreet casual encounters outside of your marriage.

Heated Affairs is a discreet site where extramarital relationships can thrive.

With nearly 58 million members, Heated Affairs has a lot to offer new people. It’s a dating service that’s open to anything — whether you’re experimenting with your sexuality from inside the closet or looking for a third to spice up the bedroom within your marriage.

The biggest factor that sets Heated Affairs apart from other hookup sites and discreet dating platforms is the fact that basic members get so many tools without having to pay. While most sites and apps let you sign up and browse member profiles for free, Heated Affairs extends the generosity to communication, including video chat options. 

FAQs: Do Mainstream Dating Apps Kick Off Married People?

Many mainstream dating sites apps, including Tinder, Christian Mingle, and Bumble, include a requirement in their terms and conditions that you must be single to use the platform. That means you’re subject to being booted if you’re married.

But it’s very difficult to actually police membership this way, and most of the platforms rely on user reports to enforce their bans on married people. Discreet married people who keep below the radar often manage to stay on these services for a long time without being detected, and some are never caught. 

That’s playing with fire. Mainstream dating sites and apps don’t typically include a lot of ways to specifically avoid being found, and a public profile is a big risk that someone you know will find out your married secrets. Even if they don’t report your profile and get you banned from the service, the consequences will still be a big problem. It’s better to stick with discreet sites that allow you to conceal your identity and that welcome — or at least allow — married users to join.

How Can I Find Out Whether My Partner Is on a Dating Site?

For privacy purposes, most dating sites and apps don’t have a way to look up a specific user by name or other identifying information, so it can be tricky to actually catch your partner in the act. One way that suspicious partners have found their significant others on these platforms is to set preferences in their dating profiles that match up to those in their partner’s profile and get “matched” with them. But this is far from foolproof.

There are plenty of stories out there of people who have found their partners on a dating app or site, so it isn’t impossible, but you have to get creative. 

Is Tinder a Good App for Cheating?

No, Tinder is not a good place to be a cheater, despite the fact that a significant number of people seem to use it for that purpose. The terms and conditions on Tinder explicitly ban married people from the platform, so if the moderation team finds out you’re on there as a married person, you’re banned.

Even if your account doesn’t get suspended, and you manage to fly under the radar without being reported, Tinder is a very public dating app based on location.

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★★★★ 4.4/5.0
  • The dating app of choice for millions of sexually active singles
  • Accelerating the dating process through swiping
  • Has led to over 75 billion mutual matches

Tinder is the main public square of the online dating world. If you live in a major city, the odds that a person you know will stumble across your profile are better than average, and your secret will be out in no time flat. 

In fact, a major reason that people know there are married people who use Tinder to cheat is precisely because so many of them get caught by friends, family members, or even their partners. All around, it’s not a great choice if you’re seeking an affair.

A Married Dating Site or App Can Unlock New Possibilities

There are dozens of reasons why married people may seek relationships outside of their marriage. Sometimes they’re separated and consider themselves single. Sometimes they’ve been cheated on and figure turnabout is fair play. Sometimes they’re just curious about what online dating would be like.

It should come as no surprise that there are plenty of dating sites for married people to choose from. Married dating sites make it easier to avoid the stigma while searching for something new whether you’re unhappy in your marriage because of issues with your spouse, want to bring more people into your relationship to spice things up, or want some comfort in old age or illness. Choose a discreet site and satisfy your curiosity!

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