We’ve all been there. Your relationship is going great, and everything seems perfect. Then, all of a sudden, your partner pulls the rug out from under you and ends it. The breakup leaves you reeling.
Some people take months to heal their broken hearts and bounce back. They may spend weeks wondering what went wrong and wishing things were different.
Others simply hop back on the dating apps and into the next relationship within a few days.
Regardless of where you are in your journey, this article will explain the emotions behind breakups and how they can impact your dating decisions in the future. I hope my advice will set you up for new love.
3 Types of Breakups
Breakups are like snowflakes – each one is different and can leave you feeling frosty. I’ll list the types of breakups that you may encounter and how to recover from being left out in the cold or leaving someone behind.
1. Mutual vs. Unilateral Breakups
The mutual breakup is the most ideal breakup situation: both parties agree on ending the relationship and (almost) bring no drama.
Sure, you still carry emotional turmoil after separating, but deep down you know this is the best for both parties in the long run. Healing from this kind of breakup still takes time, but you know things only get better after this chaos is over.
On the other hand, unilateral breakups can come as a surprise since the breakup is initiated by one side.
If you’re the initiator, it’s easier to deal with this because that’s what you want. But if you’re on the other side, you might feel blindsided, rejected, or powerless.
2. Situational Breakups
This happens when relationships end because of external factors such as long-distance relationships, demanding jobs, relocation, or differences in religion or race.
In some cases, what truly happens is that one of the partners decides to give up on the challenges and move on with their life. For example, if you want to get married but your family doesn’t like your partner. Rather than advocate what you want, you decide to end the relationship.
These breakups tend to leave a sense of “what could have been” moreover if you still love your partner. If this is your situation, I suggest accepting things as they are and trusting that everything will work out for you in the end.
3. Emotional Breakups
Emotional breakups will happen when a relationship is unraveling and causing instability. You are physically together, but you feel alone. You’re disconnected and cannot seem to reconnect. You talk about superficial things, and resentment or loneliness fester under the surface. These emotions need a release — and that usually comes in the form of a fight.
How do you know that you’re going through an emotional breakup? You find your relationship has become a series of routines, and you don’t feel intimate with your partner anymore. You wake up in the morning and feel like a stranger is beside you.
Emotions can run high as relationships end, so give yourself some grace as you come to terms with it.
Psychological and Emotional Impact of Breakups
Breakups can cause emotional trauma and have a negative impact on mental health. You should be aware of the difficulties that could lie ahead from an emotional standpoint.
Grief and Loss
Watching someone we love choose to leave our lives can be even more painful than death. I know this from personal experience watching my mom leave my dad and me when I was 15. It was worse than mourning my granny’s death.
When someone dies, it’s a tragedy we have no control of. But when a significant other leaves a relationship in the dust, they choose to do that. You have to deal with the truth that your ex would rather live without you.
This kind of pain will shake you to the core.
Fortunately, you can always pick yourself up and heal. Respect your feelings by allowing yourself to experience them fully. You might cry, sulk, and listen to sad songs for a while, but I promise one day you’ll wake up and realize it’s finally behind you.
Anger and Resentment
The hidden message behind the breakup is, “I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
When facing rejection like this, it’s normal for you to feel angry with your ex. Or you feel angry with yourself for letting your ex into your life in the first place.
Unfortunately, if you drag this resentment for too long, it will disturb your entire life. You must let go of your anger toward your ex to set yourself free. Also, forgive yourself because you have done your best.
Relief and Emotional Closure
Do you ever break up and feel relief afterward? If you do, you’re not alone.
During my college days, I felt so happy after breaking up with my clingy boyfriend.
I have a friend who always got sick when she was in a relationship. And when her relationships ended, she would finally eat well, sleep tight, and feel better about her life. Breakups aren’t always a bad thing. If you’re not happy in a relationship for too long, separation can be the best way to move forward. You can feel relief and start fresh.
Moving On
This is the most important step in healing from a broken heart: moving on. You must ensure you move on before starting something with a new person. If you don’t, you do a disservice to your new dates (and also to yourself).
But how do you know that you already move on?
If you can retell the story without teary eyes. You can calmly explain what you’ve learned from your previous relationship and how you’ll steer your dating game in the future.
However, moving on doesn’t mean you’re okay with hanging out with your ex. If this person really hurt you, you are allowed to set firm boundaries and kick them out of your life for eternity.
Modern Dating Trends
Today’s dating scene is entirely different from what it was just 20 years ago. Dating apps, texting, ghosting, and a whole host of other trends have shifted how relationships are formed – and how they’re broken.
The Influence of Social Media
After separation, you might just need a distraction so you don’t cry 24/7. Social media will be the first thing that pops up in your mind, and that’s not a good idea. What usually will happen is:
- You’ll check whether your ex has moved on.
- You’ll compare yourself to your ex’s new date.
- You’ll feel the pressure to get back into the dating world because your friend is getting married.
All of these possibilities will lead to one thing: you feeling inadequate.
If you need some distraction, watching Netflix is much better. Choose a comedy movie to lift your spirit. It will make your healing process easier and faster.
Dating Apps and Breakup Culture
It’s pretty common to hear couples say they met on an app or website. Gone are the days when people whispered about finding dates online and felt judged for having a dating profile.
Dating apps have changed the way we find partners, for better or worse. You can use them to start a love story or find a sexy partner for the night. Online dating has facilitated everything from casual chats and first dates to new friendships and long-term relationships.
When you’re single, you set a dating profile to find local dates. It’s easy to do, and a free membership will usually include some chatting features. Many success stories have come from online dating.
But the constant availability of dates can be a bad thing too. If you’re in a relationship, dating apps can tempt you to find the novelty of someone new rather than putting effort into working on your relationship with your partner.
Ghosting and Its Aftermath
In today’s modern dating world, you can easily be ghosted. Someone might look like they have an interest in you then they disappear. Even after several dates, it doesn’t mean you date exclusively.
When you’re being ghosted, you might be confused, wondering if you said something wrong, or your self-worth takes a nosedive.
Rather than spend your time overthinking the situation, you’d better accept that ghosting is part of the dating game. Brush it off and move on with your life. You don’t need to think hard over someone who doesn’t even have the guts to tell you they’re not interested anymore.
Repercussions on Future Relationships
A bad breakup can leave behind baggage that you’ll have to deal with in future relationships. I’ll go into some of the issues that may arise.
Trust Issues and Vulnerability
The end of a relationship can leave emotional trauma. You may find it difficult to love, trust, or connect with others and struggle with vulnerability in future relationships.
If you start dating right away, you might use dating as a distraction from your pain rather than do the work to heal yourself. Or, maybe you’re merely filling your bed to have someone to hold at night but are emotionally disconnected.
All of these scenarios lead to one thing: a receipt of an unfulfilling relationship.
Changes in Relationship Expectations
Going through heartbreak makes you realize a relationship isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. It takes hard work to have a healthy relationship. You and your partner must show mutual respect, trust each other, and communicate well. It’s real work!
Therefore, the next time you commit to someone, you must make sure this person is worth your time. Otherwise, stay single!
Being single doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy your life. Get out there, meet new people, and try something new. You never know which experience will bring you to a new love.
Setting Boundaries and Spotting Red Flags
In a relationship, some of us dim ourselves to make our relationships work. But being single, you can set new rules for what you want future romantic partnerships to look like.
Are there any things you let your ex get away with to keep the peace? Next time, you must stand up for yourself.
When you get to know someone new, act accordingly as soon as you spot red flags. Never assume someone will change just because they’re in a relationship with you. Because most of the time, that won’t be the case.
Self-Reflection and Growth
If you take time for reflection, a breakup can shape you into a better person. The key is you must take accountability and avoid becoming bitter about relationships. Don’t carry the pain of a past relationship forward into your next connection.
If your ex was a total jerk who cheated on you, it might take some time to process that and find enough forgiveness in your heart to trust someone new. You don’t have to forgive a cheater necessarily — but you have to forgive yourself for falling for someone who cheated.
Take full responsibility for what happens in your love life, and give yourself permission to love openly again.
Your toxic relationship probably taught you a few things about what you do and don’t want in a partner. When you start dating someone new, you can look for the red flags you missed the first time. You can recognize and correct the mistakes you made — maybe you didn’t talk about your values early on or you should’ve set boundaries around your time.
Look for the lessons you can take with you for a fresh start. And avoid playing a blame game because that doesn’t help anybody.
Every disappointment is a challenge to learn something new. It’s not always fun, but it can be valuable for your personal growth.
Coping Strategies Post-Breakup
You can move forward and be whole again after a breakup. It just takes some time and self-care. Here are some healthy ways to look after yourself and heal from heartbreak.
Healthy Ways to Process Emotions
Allowing yourself to express your feelings is the most important step to healing your heartbreak. If you pretend that everything is OK, you only fool yourself.
Some healthy ways to process your emotions are:
- Cry. Yes, even if you’re the burliest of men, you’re allowed to cry.
- Journal your feelings. Writing will help you slow down and pay attention to what you feel.
- Talk to friends and family to get things off your chest.
- Seek support from breakup professionals who can offer counseling and advice.
Losing someone you love hurts, so it’s OK to feel down about it. Be honest with yourself about how the breakup is affecting you, and don’t try to move too quickly to a rebound date if your heart isn’t ready.
Signs You’re Ready to Date Again
After some time, you will regain your strength and continue with your life. It’s time to find your new happiness.
But how do you know that you’re ready to date again? Listen to your heart, and trust yourself.
There’s no more sobbing yourself to sleep at night. Cyberstalking your ex doesn’t excite you anymore. Most importantly, you know what kind of partner you’re looking for next.
Unfortunately, some of us may never feel 100% ready to date again. If dating feels daunting to you, just get out there and hang out with people — even in a friendly way. Having fun will speed up your healing process and remind you that the world doesn’t end just because you’re single.
Tips for Starting Fresh After a Breakup
After being single for a while, you may feel first-date nerves. It’s like high school all over again: You don’t know how to flirt, don’t know what questions to ask, and feel trapped in awkward moments. The solution here is simple: Try and try again.
It’s normal to be nervous. Don’t let that stop you.
You must polish your dating profile, talk to as many potential matches as you can, and figure out a strategy that works for you. Read books about relationships, ask for feedback from your trusted friends, and most importantly: Let people know you’re looking for a date. You never know when a blind date will turn into a soul mate.
My advice is to keep trying, even if you get ghosted now and again. Not every date will lead to a relationship, but if you don’t put yourself out there, you’ll never find your person.
Make the Decision That’s Right For You
Dating can be daunting, especially after you’ve been disappointed, hurt, or betrayed. But love, dating, and romance can be some of life’s most enjoyable experiences. Don’t let one failure make you give up your chance to find someone who cherishes you.
To avoid being overwhelmed, start slowly and gradually pick up speed as you re-enter the dating scene. What’s most important is taking the first step. It could be creating a profile in a dating app, participating in social gatherings, or cutting your hair to freshen up your look.
Take your time to process what happened, and then start moving forward as the new you.