In the age of online dating, scams are everywhere — and the rise of AI means they’re only becoming more sophisticated. Just the other week, my friend met a guy on Hinge, and they chatted for a few days. One night, he messaged her that he was stuck on the highway with an empty fuel tank, desperately in need of money to get gas. He claimed that his wallet had been stolen. What bad luck, right? My friend immediately ended the conversation and did not wire him money, as he’d requested.
“Looking back at his profile, it was definitely suspicious,” she told me. “All of his photos were close-up pics of him, and his prompts were sort of nonsensical.”
Romance scams trick people into giving up money or important personal information.
However, many victims of dating scams aren’t as lucky as my friend. Scammers harness emotions like guilt and pity to trick victims into giving them money, just like Mr. Hinge and his empty gas tank. It can be hard to turn down somebody’s request for help, especially when the situation sounds convincing. I’ll explain the red flags to look for so you aren’t duped by a potential date.
The Evolution of Scams in Online Dating
Online dating scams have been around as long as online dating, and they’ve grown more complex and devious with time. Even in the early days of the internet (aka the 1990s), online daters risked being duped by untrustworthy people.
Early Scams: Catfishing and Nigerian Princes
Catfishing describes when an individual uses a fake identity to lure somebody else into a relationship. Some catfish just want an ego boost and a date with someone they feel is out of their league; others up the ante by asking for favors, investments, or money to borrow in a fake emergency.
Catfish use another person’s photos for an online profile, so any relationship they create is based on a lie. Some catfish hide behind another person’s face and commit serious online crimes like blackmail or revenge porn.
I recently learned of an incident where a man stayed up late at night talking to a girl from Instagram. She convinced him to send her nude photos and ultimately used them as blackmail. The man ended up losing $3,000 to this online scam, and he has no way of filing legal action because the Instagram girl was a catfish that disappeared.
The Nigerian Prince scam is similarly simple and incredibly malicious, dating back to the earliest days of the internet. In this phishing attack, scammers pretend to be royalty needing help transferring funds. They offer a share of money in exchange for assistance. When the victim transfers the money, the fraudster disappears.
Today, Nigerian Princes can still be found on dating apps, finding victims to “help” them and promising compensation. Surprise, surprise — there is never real compensation in a Nigerian Prince scam!
It’s essential to be on the lookout for these types of scams and to keep your personal information truly private.
More Sophisticated Tactics to Win Trust
Early catfish scams laid the groundwork for more sophisticated schemes. Many scammers have evolved into con artists who know how to build trust and exploit somebody. These scammers invest time and effort into generating trust with their victims, even inventing elaborate life stories for themselves to win their victim’s hearts.
Sometimes scammers create fake social media profiles to more effectively sell their fake identity. Many of these criminals will keep an online relationship afloat for months, slowly building trust, before ever asking for money.
“Romance scams are harder to break people off than compulsive gambling,” one user wrote in a Reddit thread. “You can try to reason with [the victim] but [they’ll] probably get milked for everything.”
AI Trends Make It Hard to Know What’s Real
If scams were common before the rise of AI, now they’re pervasive and dastardly difficult to sus out. Today, scammers can create catfishing voice messages and videos that seem real. Their advanced tech makes it even more difficult to detect the scam.
AI-generated photos have made catfishing even more sophisticated because the catfisher can tailor the profile to be the perfect front for their scam. For example, a phony Nigerian Prince can use AI to generate a photo of a man surrounded by wealth.
Even worse, according to the U.S. Department of Justice, AI makes it harder for law enforcement to intervene and get justice for the victim.
3 Types of Scams
Scams can come in a variety of forms; some start with an online dating match, and others begin with an innocent-sounding text from someone with the wrong number. There are certain types of scams that singles should watch out for when they’re looking for a real connection.
1. Romance Scams
Emotional manipulation and financial exploitation go hand-in-hand when it comes to romance scams. These schemes typically involve scammers building an intense relationship with a victim.
“The world of romance scamming is fascinating and horrifying, and not a lot of people know about it.” — Remy Tennant, Founder of DateID
They’ll message every day, gain trust, and eventually ask for money — usually for something small, like a phone bill, but the scammers will often start to request help for bigger purchases.
According to the FBI, 19,000 Americans fell victim to romance scams in 2023, losing a collective $1.3 billion. Oftentimes, these victims leave the scam feeling heartbroken, as they believed they were in a real relationship.
2. Investment Scams
Investment scams are another type of shady cons that take place online. In this one, the scammer convinces the victim to invest in stocks, real estate, or even a business venture.
Think of investment scams as Ponzi schemes for the online dating world. The victim is pulled in with the promise of high returns, but the scammer disappears the second the money is transferred, and the investment ultimately yields nothing.
These scammers often pressure victims to invest quickly and to invest more funds, often by posing as financial experts or insiders in an industry. I think one good rule of thumb to live by online is: “If it sounds too good to be true, it’s probably a scam.”
3. Cryptocurrency and Digital Asset Scams
Cryptocurrency is the perfect medium for an investment scam. In digital asset scams, victims are asked to buy cryptocurrency or transfer their digital assets, and then they later learn that their assets have been stolen.
Criminals can take advantage of the unregulated and irreversible nature of digital currencies to scam customers, usually using the same trust-building strategies as other types of scammers.
Impact of Online Dating Scams on Users
When the media talk about online scams, they often focus on financial losses, which can be staggering if the scammer really builds a long-term connection with the victim. But there are also psychological ramifications that impact a victim as well. The scam doesn’t just hurt their wallet; it can hurt their pride and their trust in online dating as a way to meet people.
Emotional and Psychological Effects
Dating scams are not only financially detrimental — they also have a severe emotional impact. Successful scammers condition victims into developing an emotional attachment and then exploit those feelings.
Breakups are bad enough when they’re with real people; finding out that the person you’ve grown to trust or even grown to love isn’t real can be unbelievably traumatic.
Feelings of shame and embarrassment often develop among dating scam victims. Being deceived can obliterate their self-worth. Most of all, victims often feel unintelligent for falling for a dating scam, even though these scams are perpetrated by sophisticated criminals with a knack for tricking people.
One woman told CBS News that being the victim of a romance scam sent her into a deep depression. “It wasn’t the money. It’s the shame,” she said. “I tried to kill myself because I felt like I couldn’t live knowing I had participated in that.”
Financial Losses
The financial losses from online dating scams are equally shocking. In 2023, romance scams cost consumers $1.3 billion, according to the Federal Trade Commission. The median losses per person added up to about $2,000, which is a higher loss than any other type of imposter scam.
Erosion of Trust in Online Communities
Many victims will be unable to develop trust in online communities after being the target of an online dating scam.
Oftentimes, people who were previously open to meeting others online will become suspicious about digital interactions. They may turn down dates with real people out of fear of being conned again.
Online dating is great for so many people. Its tools broaden dating horizons and open up new possibilities — but for some, the risk is too great.
When your heart and your wallet have been compromised by somebody online, it’s only natural to be a bit hesitant when engaging in online dialogue with a stranger.
Safety Measures and Their Limitations
Luckily, as dating scams develop, so does dating app security. Dating apps have implemented plenty of safety features to protect users — however, these features aren’t perfect.
Profile Verification
Most dating apps offer profile verification to protect against catfishing. Tinder, for instance, allows users to submit a video selfie that will be compared to their profile photos. This provides users an opportunity to show matches that they really look like their photos.
Once verification is complete, the profile will have a tick that indicates the user is verified.
On some apps, users simply upload a photo, which can be manipulated with AI technology — or even deepfakes. It’s important to remember that as app security evolves, scammers do too.
Users Report & Block Bad Actors
Most apps also allow users to report or block profiles that may be scams. However, this method doesn’t prevent the user from encountering the scammer in the first place.
The user needs to recognize the scam before reporting it, which isn’t always so easy. Again, these scams are growing more sophisticated, and people who don’t know much about romance scams might not identify and report a shady profile immediately.
Community Rules & Guidelines
Apps have community guidelines that ban scamming and other fraudulent behaviors. However, this is difficult to enforce.
“We expect all our members to represent themselves accurately on their profile. We don’t allow impersonation or misrepresentation on our platform.” — Bumble’s Community Guidelines
Even law enforcement has trouble tracking down scammers and holding them accountable for their actions. Apps are often no better at detecting sketchy profiles, given that scammers are skilled at hiding their intentions and concealing their identities.
4 Ways You Can Combat Online Scams
Scams pose many dangers, but online daters aren’t helpless, especially if they know the tricks and tactics that fool others. App users can take the following steps to protect themselves.
- Educate Yourself on Red Flags of Scams
Education is the most important preventative measure online daters can take to protect against romance scams. Read up on the common warning signs, like love bombing, refusing to meet up in person or over video call, or requesting gifts early in the relationship.
Another red flag is a user asking for money or other personal information. Many well-meaning people get sucked into scams because they want to help a person in need — doing some digging into common scam signs can be a strong line of defense.
- Conduct Background Checks (Even If It’s Just on Insta)
Doing a quick online or Instagram search on a dating app user can often tell you everything you need to know. If the account only has a few followers or the followers seem to be bots — red flag.
Additionally, photos that look like AI — meaning they have distorted faces, an airbrushed look, or strange backgrounds — should also raise red flags. Looking online can immediately help you discern the realness of the profile.
- Keep Certain Personal Information Off Your Profile
Avoid sharing too much information, especially at the beginning of the relationship. Here’s a quick list of TMI topics to avoid when creating a dating profile:
- Your address
- Your phone number
- Your employer or workplace
- Your family members’ names
- Your favorite hangouts IRL
Providing too much personal information is a safety risk, and it also gives the scammer ammunition to exploit by creating a story that will resonate with you (watch out for mirroring tactics where the match echoes your opinions).
For instance, if your profile lists that you’re a Target employee, a scammer might fabricate a story about also being a Target employee to immediately build trust. That’s where follow-up questions are going to be instrumental — ask them something only a real Target vet would know!
- Be Wary of Online Matches That Move Too Fast
While so many of us love a relationship that gets past all the small talk, somebody pushing a relationship forward too quickly is a huge warning sign — especially on a dating app.
If the online match refuses to meet in person, that’s a really bad sign, no matter how detailed the excuse is.
Scammers often try to propel relationships forward so that the victim has no time to think about what they’re doing. They’re so wrapped up in the intensity of the new relationship. A word of advice: take things slow, and don’t do anything rash until you’ve actually met in person.
How Industry Leaders Can Stop Scammers
I’ve outlined plenty of ways for online daters to protect themselves against romance scams, but the onus really is on the platforms and industry leaders to stop the cycle of exploitation on dating platforms. Here are some trends we hope to see to improve online dating in the future.
Enhanced Verification
Platforms need to improve their verification methods beyond a simple video or photo, and verification should be mandated for all profiles.
Multi-factor authentication is a great way to ensure that users are using real phone numbers and not creating many fake accounts. Additionally, advanced scanning technology is essential to weed out the AI and deepfake profiles I mentioned earlier.
Proactive Moderation & Audits of Activity
It’s undeniable that the policy of retroactively reporting sketchy profiles is imperfect.
Platforms need to be more proactive about moderating suspicious profiles. This can look like restricting the number of messages a user can send in a short amount of time or it could mean flagging profiles that ask other users for money.
Providing Resources & Support to Users
Advertising educational resources about the risks of online dating scams is another great way for platforms to mitigate the scamming problem.
“The best protection is education. We’ve compiled a list of common scams to help you spot and avoid them.” — Grindr’s Scam Awareness Guide
Guides, webinars, and in-app warnings can equip users with the skills to recognize and avoid scams before they fall victim to them. Again, protecting yourself against a scam comes down to education first and foremost.
Collaboration with Law Enforcement
Given the pervasiveness of online dating scams, platforms would benefit from working with law enforcement to tackle the problem together.
If platforms share information about scam accounts, law enforcement can work on identifying the perpetrator and prosecuting them.
Speedy Investigation of User Reports
Apps and sites must act on user reports of scammers masquerading as online daters must be taken seriously and acted on immediately. Fast-track investigating these reports can prevent scammers from duping more users.
The Online World Will Never Be Completely Safe – But It Can Be Safer!
Scammers are tricky criminals, and their techniques are constantly evolving as the internet continues to evolve. Because of this, the online dating world will never be completely risk-free. However, daters should feel free to explore online options — with caution.
We can all work together to make the online dating environment safer. There’s work to be done by industry leaders and users.
You should stay up-to-date on recent scams and scam prevention because there’s nothing more important than protecting your safety and financial security online. Industry leaders like Match Group and Bumble also need to carry some of the educational burden, advertising the risks that come with online dating and equipping users with scam recognition abilities.
Together, we can reduce the stunningly high number of online scams on dating platforms and allow people to reap the benefits of online dating.
Finding love shouldn’t mean compromising your heart, your safety, and your bank account. With a collective effort from all sectors of the online dating world, we can make online spaces safe and exciting places to meet new people.
