I’m not a parent, but I certainly feel like one when I’m stalking my friend’s location while she’s on her Hinge dates. We always do a pretty good job of checking in with one another before and after dates — even if we feel good about the person we’re going on a date with.
On one particular date, I gave my friend the heads up that if things felt odd, I would call her and tell her “I’m on my way” randomly. Sure enough, I wasn’t feeling the vibe, and a quick call to my friend using the code phrase helped me leave without offending my date. He may have thought I was saving my friend from a sticky situation, but it was the other way around.
Safe dating involves acting responsibly and cautiously to avoid potential dangers while meeting new people.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced this while dating. Many women, seniors, and LGBTQ+ singles are often on the fence with dating due to safety concerns.
While dating is a fun and exciting adventure, singles should always practice safe dating, whether they’re online or in person. Throughout this guide, I’ll discuss how you can protect yourself from scammers, catfish users, and people with malicious intent. I hope to address the common fears of daters and show that actually dating safely is possible if you know what to do.
Preparing for a Safe Date
Let’s get straight to the point –– a lot of people fear for their safety while dating. It’s a sad truth that stops a lot of singles from dating altogether.
It’s important to keep in mind that there are ways you can date while keeping your safety a top priority. Safe dating starts with proper preparation. Preparing for a date can make all the difference in your comfort and overall well-being.
Before the Date
There’s nothing wrong with turning into a detective before a date –– it may sound a bit bizarre, but it’s helpful getting to know some stuff about a person before actually getting to know them in real life.
My advice: Use the internet to your advantage and check out your dates’ social media accounts on Instagram, Twitter, and even LinkedIn.
If you still have doubts, I would recommend doing a background check by using the app DateID to find even more intel. It’s free and has helped thousands of singles worldwide.
You never want to be in a situation where no one knows where you’re at on a date. In case of emergencies, make sure you inform a trusted friend or family member about your plans — that way they can check in on you and know your whereabouts.
When choosing a place to meet for a date, the best option is a public location. Public locations are safer and give people more leeway to leave or ask for help.
“I now always avoid suggesting places that I go to frequently for the first couple of dates. I had a bad first date at one of my favorite coffee places, and then the guy showed up there two times after that date, possibly to see if I was around. My friend worked there and told me about it,” said a Buzzfeed user.
What to Bring
The thought of running into a life-threatening situation while dating can be scary, especially if you’ve been binge-watching one too many true crime documentaries. It’s important to think ahead and consider what will make you feel safe while you’re meeting someone new. If that means packing a little pepper spray in your purse, you do you.
You should always bring the basic essentials to any date:
- a charged-up phone
- emergency contacts
- identification
Personal safety apps and tools such as location sharing and uSafeUS are also great for notifying trusted people when necessary.
In case your phone dies or is stolen, write down important phone contacts that you can call. Often, people rely so heavily on their devices that they don’t take the time to memorize important phone numbers. But make sure you’re not in that category!
Make Good Choices on the Date
Even when you’re having a good time on your date, you should still be on alert. For first and even second dates, you should avoid drinking too much. And never leave your drink unattended.
Make sure you’re able to get a clear insight into your date without being influenced by alcohol.
You should always remain in a public place and avoid getting into any car with anyone you don’t know. My friend always drives herself or takes a Lyft when she’s meeting up with her dates — just to be on the safe side.
“Always tell them that you have somewhere to be after the date. It stops any expectation, gives you a definite out, and as a bonus, if it IS going well and you want to stay, they’ll think you bailed on your other plans for them!” advised an anonymous person on a Buzzfeed article.
It’s also important to not reveal important addresses like where you live or work. This will help you avoid stalkers when cutting off any date you wish to not see again.
Recognizing Red Flags
It doesn’t take too long to spot red flags on a date. In fact, I like to think that spending just five minutes with someone is enough time for a vibe check. You can spot any manipulative or dangerous behaviors simply by having a conversation with a person.
Ask insightful questions about their history or what they do for a living. Pay attention to anything that may seem off or doesn’t match what you’ve already researched before the date. Different signs can help you spot anything concerning.
Your boundaries and comfort should always be considered. If your date comes off as too aggressive or pushy, that’s a clear red flag that they aren’t respecting your boundaries.
At the end of the day, trust your intuition, and if you feel like the vibe is off, take that into consideration.
Emergency Preparedness
I learned growing up that you can never prepare too much for emergencies. My dad would always hit me with the phrase “It’s better to stay ready so you don’t have to get ready.” And I’m glad he did because I carried that mindset with me as I navigated the dating scene.
Always create an exit plan before you go on any date. Similar to the one my friend and I created, an exit plan can be as simple as getting a phone call, saying an emergency came up, and quickly leaving the date.
No one wants to think that a date will go south, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. Look up different safety features on dating apps or resources online where you can report inappropriate behavior such as harassment and abusive behavior.
A lot of people don’t make police reports because they don’t know how to even do it. Doing your research beforehand can save you trouble in case anything does happen.
Tips for Online Dating Safety
I’ll admit that the online dating scene is a different ballgame. You can run into people with different intentions and creepy personas. But that shouldn’t stop you from giving online dating a try.
There are plenty of success stories from couples who said they met on a dating app and formed long-lasting relationships. It’s just a matter of following online safe dating rules and reporting any suspicious behaviors.
Verify New Matches
Everyone loves when they receive a notification that they have a new match. There’s no need to deny that new profiles are exciting to explore. However, be mindful of your interactions with new matches.
You never truly know what a person’s agenda is online until you get to know them a little bit. So when having conversations with new matches, make sure to keep any personal information shared to a minimum. Start with the basics by playing the “21 questions” and answering questions like:“
- What was your childhood like?
- Are you close with your family?
- What do you do for fun on the weekend?
- Who’s your favorite singer?
People may be under the impression that the best way to get to know someone online is by over-communicating, but that’s not true. It’s never a bad thing to play it cool and keep things slow and steady at the beginning because it can ultimately save you from online harassment or scams.
It is just as much your job as it is for others to create a safe dating environment. This starts when you join a dating app or site. When creating your profile, use photos and language in your bios that promote safety. Something like “I won’t offer you a ride in my car to our first date, but I’m happy to pay for your Uber” or “Be warned that I am great at finding secret girlfriends on social media” can let folks know where you draw the line.
By doing so, you’ll make other people feel comfortable talking to you because they’ll sense that there’s a genuine person on the other side.
Identify Scams and Catfishing
I’m not going to say that you can easily detect scammers and catfish users online. AI is making that increasingly tricky. But you also don’t have to be Einstein to know when something isn’t right. When things smell a little fishy, it’s usually because a catfish is roaming around online.
Most dating apps and sites offer safety features that help maintain a safe dating environment for members. Algorithms work in the background to spot scammers. Some apps do background checks on users before they join (these are usually simple things like confirming IDs or LinkedIn profiles). But at the end of the day, technology can make mistakes too.
So it’s your job to analyze your contacts and consider their realness. Some common scams involve a person claiming they are overseas in the military or travel a lot for business — and then some emergency comes up or a big opportunity needs a quick investment. If they ask for money, delete that chat ASAP and report the user as a scam artist.
Romance scammers lure singles into online conversations just to create a false relationship for financial gain. Never send credit card information or bank statements to anyone you meet online. Don’t invest in their business or buy into their crypto claims.
You don’t need Nev Schulman to tell you if someone is a catfisher. Identifying a catfisher is just a matter of getting to know the person a little more. Look at your match profile pictures and use trusty old Google to help you verify an identity.
One of the best perks of using online dating is that you can use video dating to your advantage. Ask for a video date before going in person, and it’ll confirm if the person you’re talking to is who they truly are. Assuming they’re not using deepfake technology. AI is the worst, right?
Real-Life Stories and Statistics
Sometimes couples hit things off so well when they start dating that they forget to take things slowly. Someone comes love bombing into your DMs, and it’s hard not to be flattered and get swept up in the romance of it all.
By taking things slow and not rushing into a relationship, you’re able to get to know who someone really is and not just the persona they present at first.
Reddit Testimonials
One Reddit user shared how going too fast with a date led to him having to use the block button.
“I met a girl at the bar and we went back to her place and hooked up (no intercourse). Over the week she started showing up everywhere that I would go and gave off stalker-y vibes. The next time she showed up at the bar I frequently went to, I politely told her I didn’t see things going anywhere romantically,” shared an anonymous Reddit user.
But things didn’t just end there. What started as a casual relationship turned into an uncomfortable ending where he had to block her due to receiving a bunch of nasty text messages.
“I’ve had a few close call/ weird dates from both people I’ve met online and people I’ve met IRL so I take precautions with everyone.” — anonymous Reddit user
Singles have started created boundaries for their first dates to keep themselves safe. One woman said she won’t apologize for or compromise on her safe dating practices. She wrote, “I’m quite done explaining the issue of safety to men. I’ve decided that if a grown, adult man tells me he wants to meet in private for a first date, I’ll simply reject him outright.”
An OkCupid user said she looks at her date’s license and has her mom on alert during the first date. “My mother thinks that everyone on the internet is a serial killer, so whenever I have a date planned, I always make an entry on my gmail calendar (one that I share with her) with the person’s name and where I’m going to be so she’ll have a lead for the police if I go missing.”
Safety Statistics
Stories about online dating stalkers and scammers are far too common, and unfortunately, assault is a notable danger for women and LGBTQ+ singles as well. According to research, over 60% of women under the age of 34 encounter online harassment, with 14% of rapes committed by an acquaintance stemming from a dating app introduction.
“From my research findings we are postulating that sexually violent predators use dating apps as hunting grounds for vulnerable victims,” said Dr. Julie Valentine.
Dr. Valentine’s research identified the safety hazards faced on dating apps but didn’t recommend single people stop swiping forever. Rather, the researchers urged app creators to implement safety tips and features that are necessary to help protect users.
Dr. Valentine suggested improving AI to block unwanted sexually explicit texts or images and creating a system for members to send reports.
Concerning Trends in Dating Safety
You don’t have to watch a series of Lifetime movies to know there are bad people who use online dating and meetups to commit malicious acts.
Research has shown that many single people are skeptical and fearful about using apps to meet new people. There’s even been a decrease in signups as users get burned out. From catfishing and scammers to rape and sexual assault, online dating has not always turned out to be a safe experience for all.
We often hear singles asking the question, “Is online dating safe?” It makes sense that not everyone feels safe meeting strangers on an app. According to Pew Research, 62% of Americans above the age of 65 and 42% of adults younger than 50 claim that online dating isn’t safe.
Resources for Further Support
Thanks to the many resources online, you have a guide for following safe dating practices. There are plenty of supportive groups, hotlines, and organizations that are dedicated to dating safety.
The RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is a popular nationwide organization that focuses on anti-sexual violence. RAINN shares important tips that singles can consider before going on a date. From connecting online to deciding to meet up with a person, RAINN breaks down how you can remain safe and refers to the National Sexual Assault hotline as a great option to find even more resources.
“Sexual assault and harassment are never acceptable and are never the victim’s fault no matter what you were wearing, drinking, or whom you were with,” said the RAINN team.
If speaking to someone on the phone isn’t your cup of tea, there are other supportive resources out there that can help you discover safe dating tips. Books such as “Safe and Secure” and “How to Survive Dating” are great reads that focus on promoting safe dating and healthy relationships.
From hotlines and books to even documentaries, there are so many resources that can guide you on your dating journey. People often think dating is a solo journey, but it takes a village to create something beautiful, and that also applies to building healthy relationships.
Dating Is As Safe As You Make It
Thinking about the what-ifs and the negative possibilities of dating can certainly intimidate anyone from giving love a try. I know it stopped me at one point in college. But I overcame my anxiety and decided that I wouldn’t put a halt on my love life; instead, I would take the proper precautions to make sure I was safe.
There’s no right or wrong way to ensure that you’re dating safely. I know some friends of mine who only share a TextNow number with potential dates, and others only date during the daytime in public spaces. At the end of the day, whatever makes you feel comfortable and safe throughout your dating journey is the ultimate goal.
“Remember that it’s OK to have firm boundaries and to say no to things, even if you’re interested in someone. A big part of dating is putting yourself out there, but that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice things that make you feel safe or comfortable for the sake of another person’s opinion,” advised an anonymous Buzzfeed user.
