Fun fact about me? I don’t waste my time when it comes to dating. I know my values, and I know that I can’t be with someone who doesn’t share those values. That said, I prefer to gauge compatibility with a future partner as early in the dating process as possible, and video calls have been instrumental in my ability to do that.
For example, I started talking to someone from Bumble at the start of the pandemic in 2020. He was witty, sarcastic, and weird in many of the ways I liked — but, before I got too invested, I reminded myself that I needed to make sure we aligned politically and socially before moving forward, so we arranged a FaceTime call.
Video calls offer a way to set up virtual dates across vast distances.
Turns out, he was just as witty, sarcastic, and weird as he had been over text, but, alas, we didn’t align politically at all. And as awkward and disappointing as it was, I had to politely explain this wasn’t going to work out.
He did not react well when I explained why — in fact, he instantly became irritated and extremely rude — which was all the confirmation I needed that I’d made the right decision.
This is just one of many examples of how video calls can help singles dodge bullets in the dating game. Video calls come with a throng of other benefits — which we’ll dive into in this comprehensive guide.
The Benefits of Video Calls
If I had to guess, I would say that most people have a love-hate relationship with dating apps. They provide almost unlimited access to local singles and have opened up doors to tons of interesting dating experiences that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise.
On the other hand, these apps have also introduced to us a whole new world of uncertain text exchanges, sneaky internet characters who aren’t who they claim to be, and dating burnout.
Through the advent of video calls, however, some of these unfortunate byproducts of online dating can be reduced dramatically, and even make the dating process more efficient.
Convenience & Accessibility
I can personally say that video calls have been the glue that has held my relationships with family and friends together as I’ve traveled and lived all over the world.
Being able to see their faces and connect in real time has helped me stay feeling connected to them even when there are thousands of miles between us, and the same is absolutely possible for those in romantic relationships.
You can hop on a call and have a virtual first date with someone from a completely different continent or bond with a partner in a long-distance relationship — all from the comfort of your bed or favorite corner of the couch.
Flexible Scheduling
People seem to be more on the go than ever. Luckily, video calls make it possible for singles to connect with their new potential boos with little-to-no scheduling effort, and a lot more spontaneity.
You can get to know each other on your hour-long commute into work, while waiting at the airport, or even between Zoom meetings. The virtual opportunities are endless.
Safety Assurance
Our research shows that approximately every 1 in 11 Americans has been catfished. Video chats, singles have discovered, are a pretty quick and easy way to nip the chances of that in the bud. Early in the dating process, you can suggest a video chat with your new person of interest.
If they’re really who they say they are, they’ll likely agree to it. If they’re not, they’ll probably give you a laundry list of reasons why they can’t. Either way, you’ll get more clarity about whether you want to move forward with the dating process.
Note: There’s always a chance you could encounter a deepfake, even on a video call, so keep an eye out for potential red flags.
More Time-Efficient
The ease with which you can fit a video call (or two or three) into your schedule also makes the dating process much more streamlined. Calling back to the example I shared about my COVID-fling, our video call allowed me to shed light on our glaring value system differences.
It also ensured that I did not invest any more time into a relationship that would have likely crashed and burned anyway. In a more general context, however, it could just be that you and the person you’ve been chatting with online don’t have as much live chemistry as you did over text, or maybe the physical attraction isn’t showing up for you.
Either way, you can discover this early in the relationship and call it quits before you commit to a time-consuming in-person meetup.
The Challenges of Video Dating
Has video dating saved me and countless others from wasting time on dead-end relationships? Absolutely. But that doesn’t mean it’s all sunshine and cutesy Zoom filters. There are a handful of bumps in the road to look out for as you navigate digital romance.
Technology Limitations
It’s hard to feel connected to your boo (whether new or established) with your phone screen freezing every other sentence. In fact, it can turn a flirty conversation into a frustrating one within mere seconds. That said, it’s recommended to check the quality of your WiFi before initiating a video call, or specifically scheduling a call during a time frame when you know you’ll be somewhere with a solid connection.
Privacy Concerns
Although video calls do their fair share of mitigating the risks that come with meeting strangers — especially for women — that doesn’t mean the risks disappear completely. You’re still letting someone see your face and your space, so that comes with privacy concerns.
Video calls provide a peek into a person’s home environment, which can inadvertently reveal information that a malicious character could use to potentially stalk, harass, or harm victims.
False Sense of Connection
Video calls can be a lifesaver during times of separation or busy schedules, but an overreliance on them can put a damper on your desire to meet in-person. It could even create a false sense of connection. It’s best to treat them as a “filler” form of communication until you can have the real deal, AKA a real-life encounter. This is where true intimacy is built.
Screen Fatigue
Regardless of how much I may love or be interested in the person I’m video chatting with, sometimes the last thing I want to do after a long day of staring at a screen is, well, stare at a smaller screen. If you relate to this feeling of screen fatigue, I suggest taking a pause from video calling and enjoying a nice phone call as you stroll around the park or around the grocery store aisles.
5 Tips for a Good Video Date
So, the time has come: You’ve matched with a cutie online, you’ve exchanged some brief but witty banter, and you’re ready to take this connection to the next virtual level. How do you make sure this video date is the best it can possibly be? Let’s get into it.
1. Ease First Date Jitters
Just like you would with an in-person date, you’ll want to spend some time prepping mentally for the occasion. If you know you tend to get nervous during first encounters, take some actions to put your mind at ease before hitting that “Call” button.
This could mean going through a 10-minute meditation, getting a pep talk from a friend, or having a glass of wine to calm the nerves. You’ll also want to prep technologically, as well, to ensure there are as few hiccups as possible. This could mean checking your WiFi connection, your mic, or your camera quality.
2. Create a Controlled Environment
If authentic connection and quality time are what you’re shooting for, you’re going to want to make sure you’re creating an environment where these qualities can flourish. This means setting up your phone or camera in a comfy place, cleaning up your background (or, perhaps, choosing to blur it), or even placing a lit candle near you (and visible on the screen) to add a touch of romance.
3. Read Body Language Cues
Phone calls already do so much in mitigating communication issues by giving you clues to a person’s intentions, such as through vocal tone, pauses, and inflection. Video calls take this one step further by unlocking access to non-verbal communication, such as folded arms, eye contact, smiles, smirks — the list goes on and on.
4. Have Some Icebreakers Ready to Go
Whether you’re on video or in person, there’s nothing more awkward than having nothing to talk about on a first date.
It’s important to prepare something — it could be a game of Would-You-Rather, a funny story about your day, or a follow-up question for a prompt they left on their profile. And if you need to write it down? Go for it. Good things happen to those who plan.
5. Be Emotionally Open & Available
Texting is great for quick and intermittent chunks of conversation, but video chats are where true connections are forged. You can see someone’s facial expressions, cute little quirks, and aspects of their personality that would be difficult to witness otherwise, paving the way for authentic vulnerability between the two of you.
Safety Considerations
On top of making it possible to fall in love without changing out of your sweatpants, video dates work wonders in significantly reducing the risks involved with in-person encounters, and streamlining the dating process. Here are some examples of how video calls can accomplish this.
Screening Potential Dates
In my brief COVID fling, the Facetime call served as the perfect screening for compatibility. It gave me the answers I needed to decide whether meeting in person would be an exciting next step or a waste of my precious time and energy.
And sometimes it’s not even about political differences or life perspectives — sometimes you just get a spidey sense about someone, and things are just “off.” Your gut knows best, and video calls are the perfect platform to let your inner wisdom make itself known.
Scams & Catfishing
Wanna figure out if the person you’ve been chatting with online is really who they say they are? Ask them to hop on a video call with you.
If they’re reluctant or cite ridiculously “coincidental” excuses for why they can’t — such as “My camera recently broke :/” or “The wifi at my apartment is really crappy 🙁 ”— you’ve got your answer. (If more people knew about this, the people over at MTV’s hit show “Catfish” would be out of jobs.)
Note, however, that AI is making it increasingly easy to mislead people online. So, as AI technology progresses, so should the precautions you take to protect yourself against sneaky online characters trying to sweep the rug out from under you.
Red Flags
Once you get your potential boo to agree to a video call, they’ve officially made it to the next level of screening. This is still a pivotal part of the dating process because even though they’re (hopefully) not scammers or catfish at this point, this doesn’t automatically mean they’re a good person for you to date.
It’ll be important for you to look out for red flags in their behavior, such as inconsistencies in their stories, evasiveness of certain subjects, and, of course, the classic love bombing. The earlier you can catch these signs, the better.
Setting Boundaries
I’d be willing to bet that every single one of you reading this guide has been on a date that couldn’t end soon enough — especially as a woman fearing her safety.
You may have found yourself wishing you could press a button that would eject you out of the chair you were sitting in and into your bed at home, cozy and comfy under the covers once again. With video dates, you’re armed with the power to do exactly that.
Not only does the phone or laptop screen serve as a digital barrier between you and the person you’re connecting with, but if you’re desperate for the conversation to end, you can much more easily find a way to do so, or even hang up immediately if you get the sense that the person on the other line has intent to harm.
Video Trends Can Improve the Online Dating World
Now that this guide has taken a moderately dark turn, let’s get back to the good stuff. Video dating has changed the way we approach romance in the modern world, and the effect has been overwhelmingly positive. Let’s get into a handful of the reasons why.
Better Communication Skills
It can certainly be argued that much of today’s technology has hindered younger generations’ ability to communicate effectively, but video calls have stepped in to ensure that isn’t entirely true.
Chatting with people on screen allows for real-time feedback on what you’re expressing, including body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions — the lack of which can take the energy of a texting conversation south real quick.
Building Rapport Over Time
As someone who has moved away from friends and family many times, I can truly say that video calls have been the key to maintaining the relationships that are most important to me. Video tech has even helped me nurture new connections.
A video chat is convenient and accessible (as long as you’ve got a good WiFi connection) and can easily fit into a jam-packed schedule. Start regularly chatting on the way home from work, while you’re doing your daily mental health walk, or even on the treadmill at the gym, and you’ll be surprised at how quickly you begin to build rapport (and, hopefully, some cheeky inside jokes).
Shared Experiences on Virtual Dates
You and your boo don’t have to stop doing all the things you love together just because there’s distance between you. You can continue to share experiences over the phone by simply doing them at the same time over video.
You can hop on a call and watch the new season of your favorite show, try out a new recipe for fried mac n’ cheese bites, or race to the finish line in the latest version of Mario Kart. Once you allow yourself to get creative, you’ll be surprised at the number of ideas you can come up with.
Deeper Conversations & Non-Verbal Cues
Texting is ideal for casual banter or quick exchanges of information, but not so ideal for the big stuff, like emotionally heavy conversations. Intent and tone is almost impossible to decipher from just text.
Video calls, conversely, allow you to see the other person’s facial expressions and hear their voice, bringing a deeper sense of humanity and understanding into the conversation.
Video Makes a Meaningful Difference
As emerging communication technologies continue to carve new spaces in the cultural zeitgeist, it has become increasingly difficult to ignore the impact they’ve had on our approach to modern romance — and why would we want to? They’ve been overwhelmingly positive.
Video calls, just one of many technological features on hand, have revolutionized the way people connect with one another by enhancing communication, promoting safety, and empowering singles with the tools to set necessary boundaries early in the getting-to-know-each-other process.
Much like the rolling out of the “Fast & Furious” movies, it’s not looking like this upward trend is slowing down anytime soon, so I encourage you to sit back, buckle up, and enjoy how the blend of online and offline interactions is helping nurture more meaningful, secure, and well-rounded relationships.
