Gone are the days of cheesy pickup lines — at least, that’s the trend among millennials and Gen Zers in my social circle. I can’t remember the last time I heard of a pickup line taking place in real life.
While flirting has changed a lot in the past few decades, it remains alive and well in dating practices today. It just might look a little different to people reentering the dating pool and setting up a dating profile for the first time.
You may have to send a virtual wink or super like to hint to someone that you’d be interested in taking things to the next level. Here’s what you need to know about the current flirt game and future flirting trends.
The Evolution of Flirting
In the traditional heteronormative dating world, women are expected to be courted before getting serious with a future husband. Courtship still exists today, but we just call it “dating” or “seeing where things go.”
- Traditional Courtship Norms. The term “courtship” originated back in the 16th century and involved “paying court” before asking for a woman’s hand in marriage. Men often took women out on dates, getting to know them better and planning for a future that likely would lead to cohabitation and children.
- How Feminism Changes Expectations. These days, it’s becoming more common for women to step up and make the first move, crashing old-fashioned gender roles and showcasing the cultural evolution of dating. While it’s still nice for men to ask and pay during standard heterosexual relationships, it’s not required. More women are feeling powerful enough to make the first move, with some viewing masochism as a turn-off.
- Pop Culture Representations. Believe it or not, pop culture has offered up plenty of solid examples of flirting gone right and flirting gone wrong. Of course, when it comes to flirting, there’s no one-size-fits-all — sometimes, a shaky approach might just work given the circumstances.
It’s hard to mention flirting without discussing the recent media buzz surrounding actor Andrew Garfield and “Chicken Shop Date” interviewer Amelia Dimoldenberg. What started as some verbal fumbling at a red carpet event became a lip-bitingly cute interview between the two.
Their flirting was so intense that fans instantly began debating whether it was an act or if something real was brewing between the two — especially since news of Garfield’s past romance fizzling out made headlines before the interview dropped.
The Netflix series “Nobody Wants This” is another example of a flirty romantic story that got a lot of buzz.
Actors Adam Brody and Kristen Bell have been praised for their chemistry throughout the series — in fact, it’s unclear whether the series would have been as successful if not for the flirtation between both characters. For me, it wasn’t necessarily their dialogue, but their body language on screen that roped me into the story.
Flirting in the Digital Age
While nothing can beat old-fashioned body language, certain methods of flirtation can only be done online. Lengthy texts and deep conversations through text can mean a lot, especially considering how love letters were a popular method of exploring a relationship back in the day. Emojis are also important in making sure messages come across the right way.
Technology Changed the Game
Well before online dating came video dating, which usually involved singles trying to sell themselves to other singles with the help of prompts and a cameraman. The videos often included specialized phone numbers for viewers to leave an audio message — and to get noticed, many singles had the chance to act flirtatious, sight unseen.
One of the most popular services was called Great Expectations, which started back in 1976. It was popular for a spell but didn’t last long, especially since potential matches could take weeks to form. However, it was an innovative step forward and helped people realize that there are plenty of different ways to meet and communicate with a potential new partner. With that came new ways for singles to try and stand out among a crowd of suitors.
Online Dating Revolution
I’d say that Great Expectations walked so that modern dating sites like Match, eharmony, OkCupid, and Tinder could soar. These dating sites, the first being Match, initially came with some stigma for users.
In the early days when this tech was untested, most people didn’t realize how useful both computers — and later the internet — could be for the everyday person. But as more singles joined dating sites, flirting suddenly had new life over text.
As these sites have grown, many have adopted different prompts that could signal to someone whether or not you are interested, whether it’s a digital wink, an emoji, or even just a basic smiley face made from a colon and a closing parenthesis. Acronyms and shorthand also helped get messages across. It might have felt strange at the time when emojis were properly introduced, but they’ve helped millions of relationships get started.
These changes in communication styles have become so popular that they’ve made their way into the common day lexicon. Surely at some point, you’ve uttered a “LOL” in place of laughter or used “hashtag” in a way to express a certain mood — most people have.
At one point the term “selfie” felt strange to say out loud, but nowadays it’s quite common. Flirting has also morphed digitally. These days, it’s easier to friend a person you like through social media and shoot them a message if you want to test the waters and figure out if they’re on the same page as you.
New Flirting Etiquette
New ways to flirt has meant new rules and boundaries. One of the disadvantages of the internet is that it makes people feel like they’re “available” throughout the entire day.
Boundaries are becoming more common, whether it’s limiting someone’s access to your profile or only responding at a certain time and giving the phone a rest. While a lack of response might make another single assume you’ve lost interest, remember that as people, we were never meant to be attached to screens all day. Sometimes, breaks are necessary.
My Advice for Modern Daters
It’s always important to take things slow and see how your flirtations are received before continuing. If you see smiles and eye contact, that’s a good sign that flirtation would be welcomed.
But keep checking in to make sure both you and the person you’re talking to are still comfortable with things getting romantic or steamy. Even the wrong word might sour the mood, and you don’t want anyone to feel threatened or uncomfortable simply because they misinterpreted your message.
Current Trends in Flirting
While basic flirting has mostly stayed the same, it’s always important to review boundaries and learn about different techniques, especially if you’re shy about approaching new people.
Body Language and Non-Verbal Cues
Body language is one of the key factors in figuring out whether or not someone is flirting with you. One method that has never changed is mirroring. Oftentimes, daters unknowingly copy their potential partner’s movements if they feel in sync with them.
If you’re gesturing, they might start gesturing. If you’re joking, they’ll take that same approach. You can try mirroring someone else to see how they respond.
Physical proximity is also a surefire way to show somebody you’re interested. While it’s important not to hover and to obey physical boundaries someone has set, a physical closeness — especially when expressed outside a packed show venue or another crowd-heavy event — is a good way to nonverbally express comfort.
How to Read the Signals
While these signs of interest haven’t changed throughout the last few decades, modern women have been more direct in expressing crushes and flirting through body language than they have before.
People might exhibit negative body language to nonverbally indicate that they’re not interested. Some examples of this are:
- Folded arms
- Crossed legs
- Turning away
- Avoiding eye contact
- Fidgeting
If you see these signs, that person may not be comfortable in your presence. The best thing to do is give them some space. It doesn’t necessarily mean that romance is completely off the table, but it’s a sign that someone doesn’t want to be approached right now.
Posture is another good indicator. Dating experts often say good posture can indicate a strong sense of confidence, while hunching might give off the impression of boredom.
The Impact of Social Movements
Social movements — notably the #MeToo movement that gained steam in 2017 — became an incredible force for change in the workplace and the dating world. It empowered women to feel comfortable expressing boundaries and discomfort. Before #MeToo, a lot of people didn’t realize how many predatory individuals, often men, felt entitled to a woman’s time and attention.
The #MeToo trend gave women the chance to open up about times they felt pressured to participate in a sexual encounter or romantic relationship due to fear, coercion, or an unfair balance of power.
Survivors coming forward to tell their stories has made a huge difference in dating culture. Now young daters are aware of the power dynamics at play when flirting with someone, and it has given many young men reason to be cautious and mindful about how they approach.
Another change in the dating scene has been greater acceptance of queer relationships. Members of the LGBTQ+ community can feel more comfortable openly flirting with their partners. While some areas of the world still have unfounded issues with the gay community, love is love — and everyone deserves to express their feelings.
Thanks to social movements and widespread same-sex acceptance, LGBTQ+ people enjoy greater freedom to flirt and celebrate their relationship in the open. Take as an example season three of “Ted Lasso” when the character of Colin came out and expressed how he wished he could kiss his same-sex partner after winning a match without it being seen as a big deal, just like people in heterosexual relationships. The series beautifully made it happen.
Future Trends to Watch
While we’ve come a long way in terms of expressing love and devotion in safe and open ways, there’s still a big possibility that flirting will change again in the future. I want to touch on some of the trends I see taking off in years to come.
The Metaverse
With the rise of technology comes the rise of new ways to connect. You might have heard Mark Zuckerberg talk about the “Metaverse” before. Zuckerberg has plans to change the landscape by offering virtual hangouts with friends, which go so far as to virtually attend concerts and live events together.
It’s unclear whether it will take off, but just like with the rise in AI, it’s hard to stop technology from trying to improve how we live life.
AI and Dating Algorithms
Speaking of AI, it’s already weaved into many dating sites in the form of algorithms. But AI’s role may increase even more as time goes on. Recently, Amazon launched an AI assistant named “Rufus” to help answer questions while browsing.
Dating sites like eharmony have already adopted AI by letting it analyze communication patterns to find more compatible matches. Tinder uses AI when it comes to figuring out which photos to share next. It’s hard to avoid, so as individuals, we might as well learn how it could benefit us.
Evolving Social Norms
Generations ago, it was rare to meet someone from another country. Now, thanks to the internet, it can take seconds. Long-distance relationships can be hard to maintain, but those involved in one have figured out how to flirt remotely.
Compliments through text, greetings in the morning and at night, and video chats can all be used to express fondness and set the stage to talk about the future of the relationship. Even those in other countries have more resources online to learn about different cultures, rituals, and even wedding practices of the person they’re interested in.
Flirting Changes in Reflection of Societal Norms
While technology has changed how we flirt, a lot of key elements have stayed the same. The best way to get through to someone is with positivity about their character over their looks. Taking notice of the things a person does, as opposed to just what a person wears, can go a long way.
With new ways to communicate, singles have many avenues to express love, attraction, and chemistry — regardless of how technology changes.
