Unlike much of modern-day dating verbiage, the term “significant other” is simple. It’s exactly what it sounds like: an important person in someone’s life.
Today, significant other, or SO, is widely applied when describing romantic partners, but there are many nuances to its usage.
If you’re wondering whether you can call that person you’re seeing your significant other or just need a refresher on what the term means, you’re in the right place. Read on to learn more about its definition and how to keep things moving smoothly once you’ve defined your relationship.
The Definition of a Significant Other
A significant other typically refers to a person with whom one shares a deep emotional connection and in a meaningful, committed romantic relationship.
Identifying Characteristics
Someone who has become your significant other has done so by strengthening an emotional connection. Built over time, this love comes from things like shared interests and hobbies, similar worldviews and values, and memories from experiences enjoyed together.
Significant others also require significant commitment. You should feel emotionally and romantically devoted to your partner through exclusivity. You might also plan together for romantic commitments, such as your engagement.
A significant other is someone with whom you feel comfortable making important life decisions regarding your future. There’s less “me” in your aspirations. You make many plans together and move as a team, unlike the relationship you’d have with a casual partner. You two may discuss things like whether you’ll have children or share a home.
Similar Terms
Significant other is hardly the only term used by couples in a committed, loving relationship.
When you don’t hear this term, you’re probably hearing its alternatives:
- partner
- boyfriend
- girlfriend
- life partner
- companion
- spouse
“Significant other” is gender-neutral and inclusive of various relationship types; however, the choice to use any of the above terms is a personal one and may depend on various preferences for more specificity.
For example, you may desire to indicate the legal status of the relationship with “spouse.” You’re free to choose whichever one feels most natural and comfortable for your relationship.
Cultural Influences
The common usage of “significant other” reflects recent societal changes such as increased mainstream acceptance of LGBTQ+ relationships and a consequent departure from traditionally gendered language. Although terms like “partner” are also gender-neutral, “significant other” simply presents another option.
In a February 2023 YouGov poll, 34% of surveyed Americans described their ideal relationship style as “something other than complete monogamy.” So usage of the term is also appropriate given the rise of these non-traditional connections, such as polyamory and open relationships.
Key Qualities of a Significant Other
Now that you know how to define a significant other, make sure you know what you’re looking for from them in the day-to-day of your relationship, ranging from the emotional to the physical.
Emotional Support
A significant other is there with you for all the ups and downs. They’re there to laugh through the good times such as date nights, trips, holidays, and friendly gatherings. But in tough times, they’re also a supportive shoulder to cry on, providing a sense of stability and comfort.
Mutual Respect and Trust
Every strong relationship is built on a foundation of trust and respect. A good SO listens and supports without doubt, while helping to navigate conflicts and challenges with a critical eye when necessary.
Shared Goals and Values
You and your SO are probably on the same page when it comes to what you want from life. It’s important to share values and future aspirations.
You wouldn’t want to date someone long-term who values career growth over everything, while you’d prefer a more relaxed career with plenty of leisure time. Being aligned on these factors ensures you can be mutually supportive of your dreams, both as an individual and as a couple.
Affection and Intimacy
The physical and emotional intimacy you share with your SO will be a part of maintaining your close, loving bond. It’s what separates a significant other from a friend. But affection should be both sexual and non-sexual–expect steamy bedroom sessions but an equal amount of wholesome hugs and kisses.
Communicating Commitment
Using this term is perfect for when you feel serious about someone and want to signal the significance of your emotional commitment, without necessarily implying marriage or other formal obligations as you would when saying “spouse” or “life partner.”
Why It’s Important to Define a Significant Other
It’s incredibly important to define whether someone is your SO, so you can be on the same page about the future of your relationship. It also helps you avoid awkward moments of using the wrong “label” when introducing them to the people in your life.
Clarifying Relationship Expectations
If you continue to date someone without ever defining the relationship (DTR) or giving it a label, you’re bound for arguments and confusion.
DTR or Define The Relationship has become a clarion call for young singles tired of situationships and friends with benefits.
By referring to someone as your SO, you’re clarifying where your heads are at in terms of commitment, allowing you both to better understand your emotional expectations and avoid potential misunderstandings.
Defining Personal Identity
Our SOs help to shape our identities. Although everyone has individual identities outside of our partners, they’re still often known to others as one unit. Think about how, as you age, you automatically begin to invite your friends to parties alongside their partners, instead of solo.
SOs also help you keep moving toward specific life narratives. If eventually cohabiting with someone or having children are important to your personal goals and identity, a significant other is a crucial part of making those things happen.
Social and Legal Implications
Having this label can impact your social interactions and how others perceive you. The public might see you in a more serious light when you have a serious partner because when you have a partner, others might assume that you can be trusted since someone close to you intimately trusts you.
Family dynamics, too, might change once family members see that you have a serious partner. For instance, you might be invited to bring a date to a cousin’s wedding, but you wouldn’t have been offered the option for a casual partner.
There are legal implications as well. A significant other to whom you are not married but with whom you share a home may be able to be added to your health insurance, depending on your state of residence, employer, and healthcare plan.
Inheritance can also be impacted; being unmarried, the significant other must specifically be named a beneficiary in the partner’s will or other legal documents.
In the case of an accident, as a significant other, you may be granted access to hospital visitation that a friend would not otherwise have.
Tips for Making Things Work
Now that you’ve defined the relationship, it’s going to take work to maintain it. A new label can bring anxieties and input from others, but below, you’ll find out more about how to mitigate these issues.
Be Respectful When Going From Casual to Serious
To avoid creating anxiety over moving too quickly in the relationship, make sure you’re both truly ready and willing to take this next step.
Take time to have a series of serious conversations where you’ll discuss label and relationship type options, and ensure their comfort with the mutual decision.
Don’t announce or introduce them by the new label until you’ve confirmed that they’re OK with it.
Look for Signs That You’ve Found a Significant Other
When you find something good, hold on to it. A few of the key markers in this kind of relationship can include emotional ones like deep bonds and a sense of trust that continues to build every day. If you can’t imagine your life without them, pay attention to that feeling.
If you’re having planning conversations about taking steps to cohabit (or are already living together), note that you clearly take each other very seriously and have found your SO.
Ignore Outside Pressure to Define the Relationship
Chances are, you have an overbearing family member or well-meaning friend who’s breathing down your neck about getting married or getting a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Though uncomfortable, it’s important to ignore judgy words and societal pressures to define the relationship in a specific way. Don’t give it a certain label before you’re actually ready.
Only the people who are in the relationship can define it and understand it, so trust your personal preferences and cut out the rest of the noise.
Significant Is Subjective
Defining significance is a subjective and personal choice: Only you and your partner can decide on the type of label that is best for your relationship. But doing so is necessary. Being able to communicate your partner’s importance and what they mean to you is not only meaningful for them, but also for the people around you who want to understand where you’re at in your life.
And as relationships continue to evolve, “significant other” remains a great choice for people in varying stages of life. Whether you’re LGBTQ+ and searching for an inclusive term, or in love but not quite ready to get engaged, it’s a way to give your relationship the weight it deserves.
