How long does it take you to get over a breakup? Are you the type of person who takes months going through everything that went wrong in your mind and overthinking every aspect of the breakup? Or do you simply hop back on the dating apps and into the next relationship within a few days? Do you think your breakup habits are in line with those of the average American, or are you an abnormality?
To find out, we surveyed 3,000 Americans to see just how long the average person takes to get over their ex (after a long-term relationship). We also wanted to find out if there are big differences between men and women when it comes to moving on from relationships, and what the different attitudes are in each state concerning breakups. Let’s go over the most interesting findings.
Between 5 and 22 Weeks, Apparently
Interestingly, women in three states took the longest time to get over breakups, according to the survey. South Dakota, Nebraska, and Idaho women all say that it would take them 22 weeks to get over a breakup.
As far as their male counterparts, the longest it would take them to get over a relationship is 18 weeks, with men in both Utah and Oregon the most affected by breakups.
Results by State:
Women in Iowa and North Dakota both expressed that it takes them an average of just nine weeks to move on. However, this is still a whole month longer than men in New York, who said they needed just five weeks to move on to their next relationship.
Do you think the nation is moving on too fast? Many would agree with you. In fact, 30% of respondents say they have regretted how fast they’ve moved on from relationships in the past.
How People Reportedly Move On
We also took a closer look at some of the different strategies that people use to cope with the end of a relationship. Here are some of those results:
From the survey data, it’s clear that when it comes to getting over a breakup, many choose the art of distraction. Whether that’s immersing themselves in a busy social life with friends and family or choosing something like work, hobbies or exercise to take their minds off the heartache.
However, some respondents have taken even more intense measures to get over their exes. In the survey, 12% of respondents said they had undergone an appearance change, such as getting a new tattoo or changing their hair color.
On the other hand, 15% said that simply getting involved in a rebound relationship or revenge fling was the perfect way to get over someone — even if it means flirting with the best friend of their ex-partner.
On top of that, 25% of Americans surveyed said they believe that the quickest way to get over someone is to delete all traces of them, including unfollowing them on social media and removing old photos. We found that 37% of respondents said they chose not to remain in contact with their exes after a breakup. And 12% of respondents were even prepared to take this one step further by burning the belongings of their former lover!
With regards to what people found to be the biggest stumbling block for moving on after a breakup, a few key points were raised. These were the most frequently identified reasons that people found it difficult to move on:
- Emotional attachment: 30%
- Feelings of loneliness or isolation: 11%
- Loss of shared social circles: 4%
- Financial or logistical reasons: 4%
These results show that aside from the emotional scars that a breakup might leave, there are various other factors that could make moving on more difficult. This would be particularly true if, for instance, a couple shared a pet or child together or had shared financial responsibilities such as rent or mortgage payments.
Advice for Getting Over a Breakup
It’s true that breakups can feel like the end of the world, but how we heal is deeply personal. Here are some different strategies for coping with a breakup:
- File away the memories: Some people may choose to throw out all physical items that belonged to their ex, while others opt to delete them on social media. You could instead choose to make a memory box where old photos and trinkets are held so that you can revisit the good times without the pain, once you have allowed yourself time to heal. You could also consider ending contact with your ex (at least in the short term), so that there isn’t any gray area going forward, and you aren’t tempted to kick-start things again which would eventually end in failure.
- Spend time with loved ones: Spending time with those people who still love you, such as your family and friends, provides a support system that can help getting over your ex a little bit easier. This can be a challenge if you and your ex shared many of the same friends. But even one person who you can confide in and talk to following a break up will help ensure that you don’t feel so alone.
- Immerse yourself in your hobbies: You don’t suddenly need to do triathlons or travel to Fiji to get over your ex, but spending time doing something you love can help to take your mind off things. Finally, read that book you’ve been meaning to get to, go to a painting or pottery-making workshop, or simply get started running around the block.
- Avoid the dating scene: While some people may choose a rebound relationship as a way to get over their ex, one of the better ways to go about things may be simply to avoid the dating scene altogether. Go quiet on the online dating apps for a while as you figure out who you are without your partner, and what you want and don’t want for your future. You may even want to switch off social media for a bit to avoid any temptation you may have of cyber stalking your ex. This way when you are truly ready to return to the dating world, you’ll have taken time to properly heal and won’t be setting yourself up for just another heartache.
- Be kind to yourself: A break up can precipitate a downward spiral as we tend to overanalyze what it is about us that our partner didn’t like, particularly if we weren’t on the same page with them when it came to ending things. Rather than be overcritical of your flaws, look at how you think you positively contributed to the relationship and what aspects you could maybe work on going forward. Treat yourself with kindness. After all, no one is perfect. Use your break up as a learning experience. You may even decide to splurge on that dress you always wanted, or treat yourself to that island holiday you two had always dreamed of, but instead go at it solo.
Our survey sheds light on the different approaches people take to get over their exes, while also taking a look at just how long of an emotional recovery both men and women across the country need. Healing is always something that will happen at your own pace, and no doubt each breakup you have will be a completely different experience from the next.
Whether you’re the type who rebounds quickly or need a little extra time to process, understanding how others cope can give you insight into your own breakup processes. Also, knowing you’re not alone in how you feel can be one of the first steps to moving on.
Methodology
An online panel survey of 3,000 respondents based on age, gender, and geography was conducted in September 2024. Internal data sources are used to obtain population data sets. We used a two-step process to ensure representativeness through stratified sampling and post-stratification weighting.
