An LGBTQ+ Matchmaker’s Dating Strategies For A New Generation

We moan and groan about being overly-connected these days, mainly due to the dominating presence of social media. But in reality, humans spend far more time apart than together. If you really did throw your phone into a lake, chances are you’d desperately fish it out a minute later. After all, every notification buzz is an indication that someone knows you exist — someone wants to connect. 

A matchmaking service for LGBTQ+ individuals, Denver’s Cupid, is dedicated to creating meaningful relationships. Cupid himself is R. Tony Smith, who created Denver’s Cupid with one word in mind: connection. 

“Studies have shown time and time again that connection is one of the keys, not only to happiness, but to health,” Tony told us. 

Denver’s Cupid is for LGBTQ+ individuals who are ready to make lasting connections in person, not via a dating app or website. 

“I grew up seeing the power of bringing people together through parties, celebrations, food, dancing,” Tony told us. He decided to harness the power of celebration to make speed dating — an intense, oft-maligned process — a joyful experience for people in the LGBTQ+ community. 

Speed dating is only one way Denver’s Cupid has transformed the dating scene for LGBTQ+ individuals. As a gay male matchmaker, Tony brings a unique perspective to the table. 

The Unique Perspective of an LGTBQ+ Matchmaker 

Tony’s passion for connection took him from Denver’s City Council campaign trail to Denver’s Cupid. These seem like opposite ventures, but Tony assures us that both are based in his belief that humans need other humans to overcome life’s biggest challenges. 

“The stronger our neighborhoods are, the more people we know in our worlds, the better the world will be,” he told us. “It’s fear that drives people apart.” 

In today’s political climate, it’s more important than ever for the LGBTQ+ community to support one another. Denver’s Cupid makes it easy by offering various avenues by which people can connect: speed dating, social gatherings, and seminars, to name a few. 

It helps when your matchmaker has his own happy love story. “My husband and I have been together since 2002, so we’re going on 22 years together,” Tony said.

Tony has used his own successful relationship as a guide while matchmaking. With his own experiences in tow, Tony hopes to fill a glaring gap in the matchmaking world. 

“There are hardly any male matchmakers,” he told us. “It’s 90%, if not 99%, straight women helping straight guys. We know the straight guys need all the help they can get!” This is why Tony has focused on helping people with LGBTQ+ identities. 

With Tony as your matchmaker, you can expect a comprehensive matchmaking experience. He’ll learn as much as he can about your core values, your expectations, and your relationship history to make an authentic match. 

Tony emphasized how sexual and gender identities are on a spectrum, and he welcomes nearly every identity, as long as it falls under the queer or LGBTQ+ umbrella. “For everybody under the sun, there is a rainbow — pun intended,” Tony said. “(There are) different masculinity and femininity levels.”

Straight and cis-gendered people can refer to one of the hundreds of other matchmakers out there. 

Tony prides himself on offering a unique point of view as a gay male matchmaker. He can dive into the process with knowledge and empathy. “There are a lot of idiosyncrasies that only a gay man would know about gay men,” he told us. 

“I worked with nearly everybody, literally every one of those letters (LGBTQ+), whether it is in my personal matchmaking, which truly is the core of my business, (or) by speed dating events.” 

As popular as Tony’s matchmaking services are, it’s the speed dating events that give Denver’s Cupid a special edge. 

Tony’s Speed Dating Events Are Open to the Queer Community 

Four minutes. That’s all the time you have to make a lasting impression at Denver’s Cupid’s popular speed dating events. According to Tony, this is more than enough time to connect. 

It’s just enough time to introduce yourself and your shining personality, but not enough time for any awkward pauses to develop. Although the event itself is in person, you send your final consensus through a live app. This lowers the chances of receiving an in-person rejection. 

Denver’s Cupid’s speed dating events are advertised for lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and queer individuals who are looking to make new connections in their community. “It’s inclusive,” Tony told us. “If you look at one of the event descriptions, it says no one’s going to be turned away.” 

There have been approximately 1,200 speed daters in total since 2020, so the event has definitely gained traction. Denver’s Cupid has about 500 matches for romantic dates to show for it.

Romance is obviously the ultimate goal of speed dating, but other relationships have blossomed as well. 

At the end of each four-minute date, you go into the live app and click one of three icons: one for potential love, one for friendship, and one for business. You don’t have to click any of them if you’re not interested. 

Tony told us how more than 50 business relationships have come from speed dating events, as well as an impressive 3,000 friendships. “At a 10-person speed dating event, one person can make 10 friends,” Tony pointed out. 

The key is to go to the event with the intent of connecting with people. Romance is just the cherry on top. 

Speed dating doesn’t necessarily come naturally to most people, and Tony understands how difficult it can be to pull yourself out of your comfort zone. “Pat yourself on the back, because you’re doing something that can be stressful and weird, but you’re here,” he emphasized. 

Denver’s Cupid usually separates speed dating events by identity — there are events strictly for gay men, lesbian women, trans individuals, and so on — and Tony assured us that there’s a welcome space for anyone in the queer community. 

“I’ve known many women who go back and forth between guys and girls,” he said. “It’s all about what makes you happy.” 

Tony’s matchmaking magic doesn’t only focus on one’s identity, but on their wants, needs, and goals. “Based on everything I know about my clients, I try to steer them toward what I think they need in a true love situation,” he told us. 

And what this new generation may need more than anything is real, in-person connection. 

Tony’s Tips for Young LGBTQ+ Daters 

It’s no secret that young adults may be lonelier than ever before, due in part to the dominant role technology plays in their lives. Tony noticed this trend and felt compelled to help. 

This is why Denver’s Cupid focuses on connecting real people in real life. You can create a Denver’s Cupid profile for free. “They’re charging ridiculous prices for concerts and immersive experiences these days,” Tony pointed out. “That’s why I think speed dating is popular. People are sick of apps. They want to meet people IRL.” 

As thrilling as an IRL meet-cute sounds, it can also be quite overwhelming. That’s why Tony recommends asking for help when you need it — say, from an LGBTQ+ matchmaking service like Denver’s Cupid, perhaps! 

“Journal it, get it off your chest, and seek people who can help you,” he suggested. “We all need people to talk to who are specialists in different fields, and that’s what private, personal boutique matchmaking is,” Tony said. 

While most matchmakers aren’t certified therapists, the best ones know how to listen to their clients, reassure them of their power, and keep them motivated in the dating world. “We become the person that helps you along,” he added. 

It’s intimidating, but you won’t know what you’re capable of until you try. “You’ve got to get off the bench and into the game,” Tony said. 

“The number one thing is looking in the mirror and saying, ‘I can get out there. I am worthy. I’m amazing. Let’s go.’”