Speed dating is exactly what it sounds like: an opportunity to have quick, short conversations with multiple people. It’s like a series of mini-dates in one event. If you can’t dedicate the time to meet up for separate first dates, speed dating is a great way to put you in front of a variety of potential partners in one place.
Below, I’ll lay out a few reasons why you should check out a speed dating night in your area — and some tips for practicing your elevator pitch.
The Origins of Speed Dating
Speed dating has a legacy that predates the trendy brewery events and TV depictions we know today. Though it’s changed with the advent of online dating, the basic format remains the same.
Historical Context
Speed dating finds its roots in the Jewish community. In 1998, Rabbi Yaacov Devo hosted the first speed date event at a cafe in Beverly Hills. He included a “reputation-management feedback form” similar to the post-event match questionnaires we might expect today.
How a Traditional Event Works
Traditionally, a speed dating event pairs you with multiple singles for a short introduction. Each pairing has a time limit before rotating you to meet the next person. For example, you might speak with a lawyer for five minutes and then part ways to meet a teacher or a small business owner.
At the end of the event, you’ll be provided with a form to indicate who you want to see again. A member of the organizing team will then notify you of your matches and their contact information.
The Rise in Popularity
Speed dating isn’t just the stuff of movies; its popularity grows each day, and social media seems to be inundated with promotions for singles events. Whether you’re busy with work or just prefer to talk to a real person, speed dating presents many perks.
Why It’s Appealing
Seeing someone face to face will almost always trump swiping. For people who are tired of endlessly thumbing through profiles and having chats that never lead to dates, speed dating is awfully tempting. It just seems far more personable and efficient.
From a social perspective, too, it’s a great opportunity to connect with others. Instead of putting tons of pressure on a Tinder date, you can grab drinks with your friends and recap after, so even if you don’t end up meeting the love of your life, you can still enjoy a night out.
Demographics at Play
Speed dating has recently exploded in popularity among Gen Zers and millennials, who often claim to be frustrated with online dating. Young singles are itching for an alternative to swiping that’s more authentic but just as efficient. Speed dates fit the bill.
According to Eventbrite, there was a 63% surge in speed dating events from 2021 to 2022 and a 43% increase in attendance during the same period.
Some of this popularity can be attributed to a growing population of young professionals who are busy establishing their careers and want to meet new people efficiently. It’s also appealing to young women who prefer to meet publicly to avoid first-date horror stories.
“Online was a disaster. I would recommend this event to anyone who is serious about finding a person to be with,” shares one satisfied in-person attendee in a testimonial.
“I have ALWAYS believed in speed-dating and am so proud to have met my future husband this way. It balances the incredibly important need for face-to-face interaction with a nominal time commitment — until you decide otherwise. It also never hurts to brush up on your conversational skills!” says another.
Media Representation
Speed dating is well-represented in the media. In season three of “Sex and the City,” Miranda attends an event. And one of the most iconic scenes in the 2005 film “Hitch” takes place at a speed dating event.
Though usually depicted as something to enter with low expectations — Miranda, for instance, is disappointed to find that people don’t seem to be attracted to her career as a lawyer — the practice maintains its position in popular culture as a long-standing option for singles.
Speed Dating Variations
There are various types of speed dating, sometimes offered by different companies or organizers.
Themed Speed Dating
To ease the tension of meeting strangers, attend a speed dating event themed around similar interests or a specific age group. With Lock and Key Events, you can choose from a range of experiences in your city, from brewery meetups to golf.
Or, if you’re in New York City, try Matchmakers Speed Dating, which caters to every demographic — so you’re sure to meet others within your preferred age range.
Virtual Speed Dating
Virtual speed dating gained popularity during the COVID-19 pandemic. The League, an exclusive dating app for high-value singles, offers a live dating function called League Live. It’s basically online speed dating over video. Singles participate in six video dates in six minutes through the app.
The Speed Dating Company combines classic in-person events with virtual features. After the event, the service sends you an email with the profiles of everyone you met that night. If you and another person agree you’d like to pursue things further, you’ll receive another email with their contact information.
The Role of Technology
Thanks to tech, speed dating is better than ever. You can use an app as a jumping-off point for an IRL event or allow an algorithm to customize and deepen your experience.
Dating Apps Offer In-Person Events
Bumble IRL is a series of events offered in cities across the U.S. It helps conversations to flow over cocktails or workout classes rather than in the app.
Eager to try a different platform? The Thursday app, which calls itself “the biggest IRL dating brand in the world,” hosts singles events on — you guessed it — Thursdays, and only allows matching and chatting on Thursdays to ensure that no time is wasted.
Data-Driven Approaches
Some speed dating organizers, such as CitySwoon, use patented algorithmic matching technology to pair you with people you’ll like.
When you attend events, check off your matches, and provide more feedback, data-driven organizers will be able to get a sense of your preferences to connect you with appropriate events and people.
Future Trends
Hybrid online-offline events are already gaining traction, as seen through Bumble and Thursday — –but in the future, perhaps expect video speed dating taken up a notch through VR, so you can “attend” events from the comfort of your couch. Maybe your matches will become more personalized to you, too, thanks to the help of AI.
Challenges and Criticisms
Despite its convenience, speed dating receives fair criticism. I’ll outline the limitations and challenges of these types of events. Consider carefully as you determine if attending is right for you.
Limited Time
When you only have a few precious minutes, it’s hard to get to the deeper conversation topics that help you decide whether you see yourself with someone long-term. Plus, that limited time means you’re more likely to make unfair snap judgments. You might find yourself spending much of the allotted time making small talk or introductions.
Lack of Inclusion
The traditional practice of pairing women and men may leave LGBTQ+ individuals feeling left out of the opportunity to meet many singles at one time. However, the space is slowly becoming less heteronormative, and today, a variety of LGBTQ+ speed dating options exist.
For example, lesbian matchmaking company Little Gay Book hosts Single Mingles, a speed dating event allowing lesbian and bisexual women to meet up to 20 women in five- to seven-minute one-on-one conversations.
Matches Aren’t Targeted
It may be easier to filter for quality singles — or at least people who are your type — on dating apps. A group of strangers may feel like a mixed bag, and achieving success may feel more difficult in comparison to meeting up with a pre-vetted person online.
Additionally, unless specifically designated for a certain age group, participants are generally older, and men tend to outnumber women. If you’re OK with meeting “matches” who aren’t as targeted to your preferences, though, consider giving speed dating a chance.
Tips for a Successful Speed Dating Experience
Ready to attend but not sure how to prepare? Read on for my tips that will ensure your first speed dating event goes smoothly.
1. Manage Your Expectations
Although we always encourage optimism, the event may have a skewed gender ratio, the people who showed up may not share your interests, or some people may not show up at all — –so make sure to manage your expectations.
2. Dress Appropriately
Just because this isn’t a traditional first date doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put effort into your outfit. Wear something clean, well-fitting, and appropriate for the venue the event will be held at. When in doubt, you can’t go wrong with jeans and a nice top or casual dress.
3. Have a Few Good Icebreakers Ready
Mentally prepare some opening lines ahead of time so you don’t feel stuck should the conversation come to a lull. Try out different questions so that you’re not repeating yourself over and over throughout the event.
And go for specificity — rather than asking five people to tell you about themselves, try asking about their hobbies or plans for the weekend.
4. Practice Your Pitch & Keep It Positive
With that in mind, people will definitely ask you about yourself, your hobbies, or your weekend plans. Rehearse sharing these details succinctly — you can even practice out loud to ensure that you don’t ramble or stutter when doing it in person. Most importantly, stay positive; don’t mention feeling down on your dating luck or hating the concept of speed dating. A good sense of humor goes a long way.
5. Keep an Open Mind
It’s impossible to get the full picture of who someone is based on a five-minute interaction, so don’t be quick to judge! Someone who comes off nervous or boring on a speed date may surprise you on a longer date. Give people you think you could be interested in the benefit of the doubt.
6. Make the Most of Your Time
Speed dating is what you make of it, and the right partner isn’t going to magically fall into your lap. Make sure to be present the whole time and stay for pre- or post-event cocktails, if available.
Take every opportunity to have conversations and deepen your connections with attendees. You won’t get much out of it if you don’t put effort into it.
Speed Dating Appeals to Singles Who Value Their Time
Although it’s got some drawbacks, speed dating still gets the hardest part — meeting and greeting — out of the way. The short amount of time allotted to speak with each person means you need to put it all out there quickly.
Keep in mind that you might not immediately make the connection you’re looking for, but there’s always time afterward to exchange information and get to know each other better. Your perfect partner is out there, waiting!
In a world that becomes more digital day by day, speed dating maintains its appeal for busy singles who don’t have the time to sift through online matches. If you’ve got a schedule that doesn’t accommodate multiple Hinge dates a week, consider attending a speed dating event in your area to make the process smoother.
