So, you want to be a matchmaker. After all, you love love, and you want to help other people love love, too! Only… it takes more than a love of love to become a matchmaker. Loving love is the foundation of a matchmaking career, but loving people in all their imperfect, messed up, complicated glory is what keeps this career alive.
As competitive as the matchmaking world can be, it’s always receptive to ambitious and open-minded newbies. I know this is true, because the industry’s leaders told me.
I had the opportunity to speak directly with established figures in the matchmaking world about the unexpected challenges they faced while starting their businesses. They told me how every success, every failure, and every “I can’t do this” moment fueled their ambition and shaped their stories.
Their words of wisdom are not only valuable to upstarts, but to anyone who wants to carve a name for themselves in the matchmaking industry. From finding a mentor to developing your people skills, their advice offers a roadmap for getting started.
1. Learn From Established Matchmakers
Apprenticeships have existed since the times of Plato and Aristotle, and for good reason. If you want to be the best, why not learn from the best?
Matchmaker Michal Naisteter of Michal Matches encourages newbies to become students of the industry. “There is no substitute for learning a magical craft from someone who has already built a successful business,” she told me.
As with any job search, networking is key. Who you know is just as important as what you know. She suggests establishing connections early on, either as an apprentice, an assistant, an intern, or a student.
“See if a matchmaking agency is hiring or looking for support – think social media or recruiting,” she said. “It’s one thing to ‘love love’ but it’s another to build a sustainable matchmaking business. Great matchmakers are BOTH heart centered and business minded.”
2. Invest in Coaching Training
Naisteter also encourages newcomers to develop coaching skills early. Ask any matchmaker, and chances are they’ll say the same thing: “It’s not just about matches anymore.”
2+2 doesn’t always equal 4 in matchmaking, especially when you consider the baggage we bring with us into every relationship. We all have different dealbreakers, different non-negotiables, and different goals. In a way, clients don’t only want matchmakers to, you know, make matches, but to coach them through those matches.
“Matchmaking is about much more than making introductions,” Michal put it. “Strong coaching skills help clients recognize patterns, improve communication, and grow throughout the dating process.”
Some coaching skills are learned through experience, but you could get a leg up by becoming a certified dating or relationship coach. That’s exactly what Hart Coaching Academy, the Relationship Coaching Institute, and even the Gottman Institute for post-grads are for. “There are millions of courses,” Michal said.
3. Become a Student of the Matchmaking Industry
Naisteter’s third piece of advice is to make learning about the industry an ongoing habit. Joining the matchmaking industry doesn’t always mean you have to pay for classes or for an accreditation program. Learning more about how the matchmaking world works can be as simple as going to the library or queuing up Spotify.
“Read books by experienced matchmakers like Maria Avgitidis and Rachel Greenwald, listen to podcasts, and attend conferences,” Michal said. “Don’t let reality TV or a little romantic comedy shape your understanding of the profession. Learn from people doing the work every day.”
4. Find Your Matchmaking Niche
“In order to be a successful Matchmaker, you have to be niche,” May Bugenhagen of Two Asian Matchmakers told me. Matchmaking is a sprawling industry, with dozens of firms and services catering to diverse groups.
You can try to appeal to everyone, but what if your skill set doesn’t reach everyone? This could actually be an upside. Within each niche is a specific need that only select matchmakers will be able to meet. It’s good when you are capable of fulfilling these needs; it’s even better when you’re passionate about fulfilling the needs of a specific niche group.
“You want to hone in on what you’re most passionate about and who you really want to help,” Bugenhagen said. “If you are so specific in what group you want to serve, then people can find you because you will be serving what they are looking for.”
Or, to make it short and sweet: “There are riches in niches.”
5. Build a Community
Matchmaker and founder of Beau Monde Matchmaking, Alina Fattakhova, takes her love of niches a step further. “Some people will absolutely like you, some people won’t, and that’s OK because your vibe is not for everyone,” she told me. “You need to find your crowd.”
Luckily, social media is designed to build communities. But as Fattakhova explained, having a strong online presence is only the first step to growing your business. You have to be as dynamic IRL as you are online.
“I started by hosting events, and I’m still doing that because I like to build relationships and connections in person,” she said. The beauty of in-person events, she said, is that they accomplish multiple things at once. Yes, they provide exposure, but they also help you hone your skills and your eye.
6. Develop Your Emotional Intelligence
“It’s important for someone who wants to start a matchmaking business to be a people person with a high EQ, or emotional intelligence,” Alina pointed out. “I’ve also done [events] because I like to read people.”
“It’s important to understand a person’s character, relationship patterns, and communication style. You can absolutely observe that when you’re inviting them to your events or when they interact at the events,” Fattakhova explained.
7. Fall in Love With People, Not Just Love Stories
You can’t be a successful matchmaker if you aren’t emotionally invested in the people you’re matching.
According to Jessica Fass from Fass Pass to Love, this means being “endlessly curious about personalities, family dynamics, communication styles, values, attachment patterns, and what truly makes two people compatible beyond a checklist.”
This is why I mentioned the importance of liking people at the very beginning of this article. Having a vested interest in other people’s love lives doesn’t just mean you’re willing to work with them, but that you’re passionate about giving them a positive outcome.
“Successful matchmakers genuinely love learning about people,” Fass told me. “The more fascinated you are by human behavior, the better matchmaker you’ll become.”
8. Become an Exceptional Interviewer and Listener
Making matches is one thing; making accurate matches is another. And according to Fass, one of a matchmaker’s biggest assets is their ability to listen, pick up on subtleties and context clues, and interview clients with real intention.
“Your job isn’t simply asking, ‘What’s your type?’ It’s learning how to ask thoughtful follow-up questions that uncover what someone actually needs in a life partner, not just what they think they want,” Fass explained. “Some of the best information comes from what people don’t initially tell you. Learning to listen between the lines is one of the greatest skills a matchmaker can develop.”
9. Never Stop Learning
Curiosity is a common theme in Fass’s approach to matchmaking. To her, it seems to be the difference between a stagnant matchmaking business and a thriving one. Because, as Fass put it, “The dating landscape is constantly evolving. Study relationship psychology, coaching techniques, communication, attachment theory, and modern dating trends. Learn from experienced matchmakers, seek mentors, and stay curious.”
“Every client, every success, and every mismatch teaches you something valuable that makes you better at your craft,” she added.
Fass has also learned that strong matchmaking requires a diverse, adaptable team and a broad set of coaching skills.
“You’re often helping clients navigate vulnerability, build confidence, heal from past relationships, and make one of the biggest decisions of their lives. It’s an incredible responsibility, but also one of the most meaningful careers I can imagine,” she said.
Introductions are only the tip of the iceberg. Matchmaking isn’t just a job. It’s a calling and a responsibility.
10. Turn Life Experience Into Insight
Just as Fass encourages aspiring matchmakers to “never stop learning,” matchmaker Jill Dunn of Jillin’ It wants newcomers to recognize the value of curiosity and resilience. After all, no one understands the road through heartbreak and redemption better than someone who has experienced it themselves.
“When people ask me how I became a matchmaker, my answer is always the same: ‘I got divorced.’ Ten years ago, I found myself navigating dating with two young kids. Like many people, I thought I’d meet someone right away,” Dunn told me.
Instead, Dunn’s experience sparked a deeper curiosity about relationships and eventually became the foundation of her career. “I didn’t become a matchmaker because I had all the answers,” she explained. “I became one because I became endlessly curious about why relationships work and why they don’t.”
That curiosity is something Dunn believes aspiring matchmakers should develop before almost anything else. “Become a student of people before you become a matchmaker,” she said. “Curiosity will always take you further than assumptions.”
Her own disappointing dates and chemistry-less connections also taught her an important distinction between finding a good match and trying to manufacture one. “As matchmakers, our job isn’t to create chemistry,” Dunn said. “It’s to recognize compatibility, challenge limiting beliefs, and help people stay open long enough for real connection to happen.”
There will always be disappointing bumps on the road to success as an aspiring matchmaker. Dunn doesn’t see those bumps as obstacles, but as opportunities to learn more about people, relationships, and matchmaking itself.
For Dunn, maintaining that openness also means maintaining hope. “Hope is part of the job,” she said. “Every great love story begins the same way: one day you don’t know each other… and the next day, you do.”
Really, Dunn’s takeaway is simple: Great matchmakers don’t just teach relationship skills. They practice them. “The right perspective turns every experience, even the disappointing ones, into growth that prepares you for the relationship you’ve been hoping for,” she said.
