At the risk of sounding like someone’s grandparent telling a nostalgic story, dating looks a whole lot different than it did “back in my day.” Sure, that day was the early 2010s, but it’s still true. Making eyes at the hottie across the bar has slowly been replaced by people holding watered-down cocktails with their heads down, scrolling on their cellphones.
Technology didn’t have nearly as much an influence on relationships then as it does now — especially dating apps.
Dating apps use mobile technology to introduce single people online.
Even as a sex and relationships writer who has used dating apps for most of the past decade, I can admit that they have altered the course of sex and dating for the long haul — and not always in the most positive ways. But what makes dating apps such a hot (and sometimes divisive) topic? And how did they even come about, anyway? The answers just may surprise you.
The History of Online Dating
It’s safe to say online dating has become the most common way to meet new partners in the digital age, and dating apps are the core of the industry. These mobile applications travel with us everywhere. They provide an opportunity to swipe, match, and chat on the go.
The ease of use and gamified nature of popular dating apps like Tinder and Bumble draw millions of users. But they aren’t without controversy.
First, There Were Chat Rooms
Before we dive into the swiping of it all, let’s back up to the very beginnings of what dating apps have become. Prior to the existence of smartphones, computers were stationary and often a staple component of the typical suburban home. During my early shenanigans on the internet, I discovered the wild universe of online chat rooms.
Chat rooms are digital spaces where anyone can join in a group discussion, usually anonymously.
First established in 1973 under the moniker “Talkomatic,” chat rooms are digital forums where many people can send messages back and forth, all in one collective conversation. When I was growing up, plenty of different chat rooms served as both a way to make friends and a way to flirt with strangers around the world.
Elder millennials will remember the acronym “ASL?” — which stands for Age/Sex/Location. This question helped single folks identify potential romantic connections, all from the comfort of their computer chair.
Then Match Launched in 1995
The trend of flirting via chat rooms clearly made an impression on the right people in the 1990s. Match.com was the first website dedicated to online dating, and it is still largely credited with revolutionizing the way people meet new partners today. Founded in 1995, Match.com gained 100,000 users in the first six months after its launch.
Believe it or not, the site initially only allowed members to send messages and photos to each other using email or a fax machine — a stark contrast to the rapid-fire swiping and chatting we see today. Over the years, Match has become one of the top mobile dating apps in addition to the original desktop site.
Swiping Became a Thing in 2012
If you have used dating apps yourself or know others who do, you’re probably familiar with Tinder. This iconic dating app is not only the most used worldwide, but it was the first platform to create the swipe model.
The Tinder app launched in 2012. The interface was designed to look and feel like a deck of cards showing one person at a time. This essentially gamified the concept of meeting other singles online. Over a decade later, this system has become the standard model for mobile dating apps around the world.
The Pandemic Made Online Dating the Default
COVID-19 impacted the global population in notable ways, especially when it comes to communication and relationships. Most of us spend more time on our phones and devices now than ever, and this has definitely changed the dating landscape as well.
In tandem with Zoom birthday parties and a widespread shift to remote work, dating apps developed into the primary way for singles to meet.
While the pandemic kept everyone at home, major dating platforms like Hinge, Match, Bumble, and Tinder were hard at work, adding new features and membership options to not only enhance the user experience — but also to make people keep coming back for more.
Now Fatigue Is Setting In
The shift from faxing a selfie to your future lover on Match.com to sending someone a digital Rose on Hinge may indicate that online dating has really taken advantage of technological advances over time. While this may be true, it’s also fair to say that plenty of single folks are growing weary of the online dating culture.
Personally, I do appreciate all the inclusive and engaging features that are constantly added to each new dating platform, but I absolutely see the superficial and even toxic nature of making snap decisions based on a few photos and a few witty sentences someone shares to represent the whole of who they are.
According to a survey by Forbes Health, I’m not alone in feeling exhausted by the apps. Their poll found that 80% of millennials and 79% of Gen Zers feel burned out by dating apps at least some of the time, with many experiencing long-lasting burnout.
The Mechanics of Dating Apps
Now that online dating has become so universal and therefore an extremely lucrative business, many platforms offer extra premium features to members willing to invest money into their user experience. Fortunately for the cash-strapped dater, the basics are usually free. I’ll break it down.
The Dating Profile
One of the core elements you’ll find on dating apps is the profile. Unlike relatively anonymous chat rooms from the days of yore, each dating app requires you to fill out at least some basic information about yourself, your lifestyle, and what you’re looking for.
This typically includes a few photos, a brief written bio, your age, relative location, etc. The more you fill out, the more relevant matches you’re likely to find — but this also means there’s a level of public perception involved.
Match Algorithms & Search Filters
Because of the overwhelming amount of options on the market, each dating app has had to establish certain features and functions that set it apart from the rest.
One element that can vary widely between apps is the matching algorithm and search features. Some options, like Match and eharmony, use in-depth personality questionnaires covering things like your values and hobbies to recommend suitable users to you.
Some of these sites offer search features that help you narrow down your dating pool by filtering by anything from height to dietary preferences. Others have stuck with the tried-and-true swiping model in discovery mode, in which you’ll need to sift through a large batch of local profiles in order to come across a handful that pique your interest.
Free & Premium Chat Features
Some singles do choose to invest more than their time into seeking out a partner on dating apps, and some pay upward of $50 a month (or $500 a month if they use Tinder Select) for a premium membership.
These paid tiers usually involve special messaging privileges, like sending a chat before you mutually match with someone or bypassing the restriction on how many messages you can send in a day. These can be helpful, but luckily most popular dating apps still offer plenty of free chat features for all users — as long as they swipe right on you as well.
Niche Tools for Specific Demographics
If you really know what you’re looking for on a given dating app (good for you, if so), then you’re in luck. Many platforms offer both inclusive features and profile customizations for people in non-monogamous relationships, those in the LGBTQ+ community, single parents, adults into BDSM and kink, etcetera.
Apps like Feeld, Kinkd, and 3Fun cater to people looking for alternative relationship styles and lifestyles, and they provide a ton of filters and profile customizations to help you match up with others who share your interests and desires.
Similarly, some major dating apps have become considerably more inclusive to queer and trans folks, and other apps are exclusive to a specific community, providing a safe and welcoming space for like-minded individuals.
App Usage & Popularity Statistics
Numbers don’t lie, and I’ve compiled some interesting stats about dating apps that tell a lot about how they influence our lives.
Tinder Has Been Downloaded 630 Million Times
It’s not a secret that Tinder is the most popular dating app in existence. Since 2012, Tinder has been downloaded 630 million times and created over 97 billion matches. In June 2024 alone, the app saw over 6.1 million downloads around the world.
These impressive stats certainly speak to both Tinder’s wide user base and the fact that it is one of the few apps that still offers a decent assortment of free features.
It is safe to say Tinder has been a pioneer in the dating app industry. The swipe model still reigns supreme, and Tinder has essentially become a global household name.
Men Use Dating Apps Much More Often Than Women Do
Most of the dating apps have a relatively balanced dating pool in terms of gender identity. Collectively, though, the binary world of gender proves to remain much more traditional on the apps, with men being the majority of users looking for a partner.
According to Pew Research, 50% of single men have used dating apps, as opposed to only 37% of women.
30% of Americans Have Used a Dating App
The number of people on dating apps has grown exponentially over the past decade. While one-third of the adult population in the United States has dipped their toe into online dating, the number increases the younger people are. In fact, Pew Research found that 53% of U.S. adults under 30 and 37% between the ages of 30 and 49 have used dating apps before.
Despite the bad rap popular platforms like Tinder and OkCupid sometimes get for being all about hookups, 44% of dating app users actually report that they’re dating online with the intention of finding a long-term partner.
Some options like Hinge and eharmony prefer to brand themselves as apps catering to these more serious singles, with taglines like “designed to be deleted” — indicating that they want you to say “hi” to your future love so you can say “bye” to online dating for good. I’m here for it!
Psychological and Social Implications
As fun and playful as some of the dating apps can be, especially for people looking to flirt and make less serious connections, they can also take a toll psychologically.
Effects on Self-Esteem and Body Image
The fact that dating platforms are so visually focused means that there is a heavy emphasis on physical appearance and attractiveness.
Most apps only give you 6-10 slots for adding photos of yourself, and there can be a sense of pressure to put your best foot forward and add the most conventionally attractive photos possible.
For example, if you’re plus-size like I am, this can cause some feelings of self-consciousness or even anxiety. In my experience, adding photos that don’t fully display your physical appearance and make it abundantly clear that you exist in a larger body could cause backlash.
Some people use the term “catfish” to describe online daters who don’t accurately portray who they are, and unfortunately, those who accuse others of this social crime tend to not hold back in their harsh criticisms.
The Paradox of Choice
Imagine you’re at a buffet that offers nearly every type of cuisine you can think of. From snacks to hearty entrees to decadent desserts from around the world, you’re bound to get overwhelmed by the bounty in front of you. You can think of dating apps this way, but in a romantic sense.
Even if you’re not in a huge city, swiping through your local dating pool on Tinder can involve weeding through hundreds of profiles in a day. It’s generally true that having options can be a good thing, but what about having too many people to choose from? Sometimes your daily lunch break swiping routine can get exhausting, and it often feels impersonal.
Dating apps require you to make snap judgments on total strangers, and the number of profiles you’ll come across during your Tinder tenure can certainly leave your head spinning.
Swipe Culture & Situationships
One aspect I tend to loathe about dating apps is how casually some people take them — without making it clear that they take them casually. This has become more common now with some apps offering custom “dating intentions” choices, where users can define what kind of connections they’re looking for. My least favorite to see is “Short-term, open to long” because its vague nature leaves a lot of room for confusion.
This is where situationships come about. If you started dating someone who was open to a long-term relationship when that’s been your only intention from the start, and then they decide they aren’t ready for commitment after all, it’s completely understandable to get frustrated or even fed up with the dating apps.
If we’re all being honest, very few people actually enjoy the lack of communication and commitment most often found in situationships, but dating app culture now seems to lend itself to the phenomenon.
Less Relationship Satisfaction
Dating apps may be the norm in terms of ways people meet their partners today, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it always leads to “happily ever after.” Platforms like eharmony and Match tout impressive statistics about the number of marriages and love matches they’ve facilitated over the years, but research actually shows that many relationships that start online aren’t always sunshine and rainbows.
A study by PsychologyToday found that people who met their partners online report less satisfaction and emotional stability in their relationship than those who met their significant other offline.
The Future of Dating Apps
It’s inevitable that, as technology advances and changes, people do so with it. This is especially true in online dating culture, which seems to have gone beyond just “online” in some cases. What does the future hold? No one really knows, but I can take a few educated guesses.
Emerging Trends & Technologies
There has been a rise in the use of AI and other virtual tools in the dating landscape. Some people are using language learning models like ChatGPT to help them write their dating app bios or open messages, and some people are even choosing to date in the metaverse with AI partners and chatbots.
It seems there truly is someone for everyone nowadays, even if that someone only exists behind a screen.
New Industry Leaders Push Innovation
Some online dating apps are taking advantage of the techy ways people communicate at present. Apps like Iris, which uses AI by keeping track of the photos you’re attracted to and matching you with physically compatible people, offer a technologically enhanced experience for singles who want to skip the swiping and get straight to the results.
Greater User Safety & Satisfaction Is Key
If the billions of dollars in revenue produced by the dating app industry are any indication, helping people meet online is a really lucrative business. Many new names and ideas are constantly jumping on the market — but not all are cut out for the cutthroat competition.
Platforms like Tinder, Hinge, Match, and Bumble have been around for decades for a reason: people enjoy using them. Dating app burnout aside, these brands wouldn’t be nearly as successful if they didn’t work or if they weren’t fun for the masses.
Like It or Not, Dating Apps Are Here to Stay
Everyone has preferences, from the type of person they want to date to the flavor of ice cream they like to order. The method you use to date can be considered a preference as well. You might choose to try your hand at meeting a partner “in the wild” by joining an adult intramural sports league or giving group pottery classes a shot.
Or, maybe you’re a busy professional and need to take your flirty banter along with you during your commute.
Regardless of how you choose to pursue your choice of connection, dating apps have become a staple way to meet new people — and they’ll only continue to be. Thanks to advancing technology and the competitive edge offered by all the new bells and whistles each app comes up with, you’ll always have the option to swipe right for a fun night… or, just maybe, for your forever.
