The Scoop: F*ckboys don’t have to be part of your dating app experience. Better in Person is a new dating app that’s combatting the worst parts of online dating so you can enjoy the best parts– like actually going on dates and finding a great partner.
We all have ways to delicately describe people or behavior we don’t like. It’s those phrases we use when we’re trying to be measured and not pass too many judgments, but can’t hold our tongues entirely.
“That person isn’t my favorite.”
“I’m not a big fan.”
“That’s not exactly my cup of tea.”
Some judgments should be reserved. But other times, you gotta call a spade a spade.
And in the world of online dating, a f*ckboy is a f*ckboy. If you’ve never heard of the term, a f*ckboy is a guy who has one goal: to have sex with a lot of women. And he’ll do anything, including lie, to achieve the goal.
Anybody can fall victim to f*ckboyery, and, while the term often refers to men, anybody can embody the spirit and practices of a f*ckboy. The issue with f*ckboys is that they’re not relationship material, and yet they’re abundant on dating apps.
Better in Person is taking f*ckboys out of the online dating equation. The new app was designed to combat dating apps’ biggest issues, including ghosting, dishonesty, and flakiness, and give users tools that actually facilitate dates.
We talked to a publicist for Better in Person, about how the app is creating a more transparent approach with video profiles, easy date planning, and an updated reporting system.
“The founder saw that there’s a new need in this era,” she said. “People are tired of swiping. He researched what daters needed and how they felt, and he found that they’re tired of the artificiality.”
The End of the Swiping Era
Swiping is inextricably linked to online dating today, but it hasn’t always been that way. The earliest iterations of online dating were focused on detailed profiles and personality-based matching. The ‘algorithms’ sites used then would be unrecognizable compared to the ones used now.
I write all day about how important it is to bring a mindful attitude to dating. Dating apps can make this really challenging. I often find myself swiping through profiles mindlessly, even though I know that’s not going to get me anywhere productive.
When your potential dates are just strangers on a screen, mindful dating isn’t always easy.
Your experience online dating will rely most on how you navigate it. When you know what you’re looking for and can make mindful dating choices, you’re headed in the right direction. But just because your head is in the right place doesn’t mean everyone else’s is.
“F*ckboys were definitely built into the frustration behind people being dishonest on apps,” she told us. “Beyond catfishing, it’s so frustrating to have a ‘pen pal’ or have people not showing up on dates. All of our features were designed to curb that.”
Online dating becomes the most frustrating when it’s not leading to any dates. Instead of using the apps to find people to hang out with IRL, we get stuck in loops of messaging, swiping, and matching.
Better in Person replaces the loop with in-depth profiles, video vibe checks, and two unique options for each profile– instead of swiping left or right, you ‘Pass’ on someone or ‘Request a date.’
Online Dating That’s Better in Person
Once you download Better in Person, the app will ask you a couple of questions. “There’s an AI element that can help you write your bio,” she told us. “Based on the way you answered those first questions, it will offer you a draft for your bio.”
You can edit the AI’s suggestions and even ask for a rewrite in a different tone. AI profile writing helps alleviate some of the stress and confusion that can come with crafting a great bio, but it’s a good idea to add your own personal voice.
Remember– each element of a dating profile is an opportunity to show yourself off.
“Another unique feature is that every profile requires a five to ten-second video,” she said. “We call it the video vibe check. It’s a video prompt, but you can’t put a filter on it and you have to film it as you are making your profile.”
Better in Person’s video vibe check is the trifecta of dating app green flags. The video vibe checks ensure that every profile you’re seeing is 1) a real person, 2) who they say they are, and 3) serious enough about going on dates to film themselves.
Catching a vibe through a screen is hard. It becomes a little easier when you can see the way someone holds themselves and how they sound when they talk. These essential elements of chemistry are often neglected in the online dating scene.
“Once you make your profile, you can start receiving curated profiles,” she said. “Once you match with someone, you can chat or immediately start planning a date.”
Better in Person has Yelp integrated into its platform. You can browse the restaurants, bars, and even events in your area and send suggestions to your date, all without leaving the app. Once you’ve planned a date, you better be sure you can make it.
“There is a follow-through rate that every user must keep,” she said. “You have to follow through on at least 33% of the dates you plan. If you match with someone and set up a date, and then you flake on them, that’s going to hurt your follow-through rate.”
If you drop below that 33%, you’re kicked off Better in Person. Few apps are creating features dedicated to keeping a serious and committed user base, even if that means losing unserious users in the process. “It’s truly about serious dating,” she reiterated.
F*ckboys Get Second Chances Too
Having the ability to report other users is a necessity on any dating app. Better in Person’s approach makes it difficult to hide from bad behavior.
“If you come across someone who is showing those kinds of bad tendencies,” she said, “like being a f*ckboy, you can report them as a f*ckboy. After three reports, we’ll put the tag ‘f*ckboy’ on their profile.”
After three reports for any kind of unsavory behavior, you’re kicked off the app. Better in Person has a low tolerance for behavior that doesn’t fit into the serious dating world, and they’re serious about keeping their platform safe and useful.
People who get kicked off Better in Person do get second chances, though. she explained the re-onboarding process for users who have been reported for behavior that’s unpleasant, but not unsafe or dangerous (those users are never allowed back on the app).
If you were in your f*ckboy era, or maybe you just let one too many dates slip your mind, you can send a video petition to the Better in Person team to let you back on the platform. But the video can’t be of you. You have to recruit a parent or family friend to vouch for you.
“The only way they can get back on the app is if their parent or close family friend sends a video apology on their behalf,” she said. “There are a lot of different features that make it really different from the other apps.”
If online dating’s got you down, you need a new approach. You can’t stay on the same apps and sites and expect a better experience. Try a serious dating app if you’re ready for serious dating. Looking anywhere else will probably bring you more trouble than dates.
