Online dating has revolutionized how people connect. Gone are the days of hoping your friends’ partners have their own cute single friends for you to meet. Now, you can rest assured that there’s someone willing to pursue a romantic connection with you online.
But even if you can meet singles easily, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll find a compatible date.
When you match with someone on a low-information platform, you’re usually connecting based solely off your profile photos. If you’re lucky, maybe you can agree on whether pineapples belong on pizza. That’s hardly indicative of your worldview or values.
Dating apps should save you time, not send you on random time-waster dates. You need to prioritize meaningful matches, so that the dates you go on have the best possible chance of going well.
Compatibility matching pairs singles based on shared values, interests, and personality traits.
When choosing which dating platforms to use, consider looking to those with compatibility matching algorithms. Unlike behavioral matching platforms, which usually rely on swiping, compatibility matching connects singles who are actually compatible with each other.
Don’t get me wrong, attraction is important in any romantic or sexual relationship. But if you want a meaningful relationship, or frankly, a fun date, you need to connect with people who actually fit your personality and lifestyle.
Understanding Compatibility Matching
Compatibility matching pairs potential couples based on how likely they are to get along with each other – most often, how similar they are to each other. By contrast, behavioral matching focuses on the popularity of each profile, either relative to the total pool of profiles or relative to each other.
Most dating platforms will claim to use some level of compatibility matching, but some are simply matching profiles based on compatible levels of popularity. True compatibility matching focuses on the actual substance of singles’ identities, not just how popular their profiles are.
Types of Compatibility Factors
So much goes into what makes a couple truly compatible. But for the sake of matching, I’ve compiled a few categories to keep in mind when creating your dating profiles and thinking about what matters to you in a partner.
Personality Traits
If you don’t connect with someone’s personality, nothing else matters. Many compatibility-minded dating platforms will ask your level of introversion and extroversion and how you interact with other people
Values and Beliefs
Not everyone thinks you need the same beliefs as your partner to have a happy relationship, but it sure does help. Consider your politics, religious views, and life philosophy when setting up your dating profile.
Lifestyle Preferences
Your small habits and behaviors may seem inconsequential in relationship compatibility, but it’s the little everyday moments that make up a life. Your hobbies, diet, and daily routines are important parts of determining your compatibility with a partner, especially if you’re rather set in your ways.
Relationship Goals
Before you go on a date with someone, you should know that you’re open to the same relationship result. Most dating platforms will ask if you want a fling, short-term relationship, long-term relationship, or even non-monogamy before you match.
The Science Behind the Algorithm
Dating-platform algorithms are top secret, but some platforms will discuss elements of their algorithms so that singles can get a sense of what compatibility means to them.
Some dating platforms use behavioral science and psychology to create the most accurate compatibility algorithms.
eharmony is known for its trailblazing compatibility matching software, which relies on self-reported personality and values, personality test results, and psychologist input to produce truly compatible matches.
Attachment Theory
Attachment theory holds that the ways we connect with our caregivers in early childhood influence how we connect with loved ones in adulthood. Your attachment style can determine whether you tend to trust your partners easily, keep them at a distance, or even send mixed signals.
Some dating platforms integrate attachment styles into their personality tests, so that those with compatible attachment styles can connect.
Similarity-Attraction Hypothesis
You’ve probably heard that opposites attract, but that’s not always true. The Similarity-Attraction Hypothesis indicates that we’re attracted to those most similar to ourselves. That may mean they have similar values, hobbies, personalities, or backgrounds to you.
In the case of compatibility matching, the similarity-attraction hypothesis simplifies the process by focusing on pairing singles with the most similar profiles and personality quizzes. That’s a lot easier than determining if singles are different in a harmonious or an antagonistic way.
The Big Five Personality Traits
One of the more widely-accepted personality frameworks is the Big Five basic dimensions of personality. Those traits are openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism, or OCEAN.
Many dating platforms integrate personality quizzes that check for the Big Five and match singles based on their corresponding compatibility.
While the Big Five is a very popular framework for understanding personality, it’s not the only one. The Myers-Briggs test and the enneagram are also ways to gauge your personality, though they’re less popular with mainstream psychology.
Success Stories
Plenty of couples have met using dating platforms with compatibility matching.
One such couple – Lindsay and Andy – met on eHarmony and married in 2015. Lindsay wrote: “Andy popped up on my list of suggestions with a range of cute, quirky photos and a profile that made me giggle…We both have similar family values and outlooks on life, as well as a love of food and travel. We’re also open to new things and have been able to grow together in our relationship.”
Colin and Carlene are a married couple who met on OKCupid. They wrote: “Both of us lived in the Bay Area for years but had no idea each other existed until OkCupid brought us together in the sunny summer of ’16. We knew after the first date when we both had butterflies…We will always be grateful to OkCupid for helping give us our chance and being the start to our strong and beautiful relationship.”
Many singles have found each other through compatibility matching and then been lucky enough to experience a spark once they met in person.
Benefits in Online Dating
Swiping can be fun, but it’s not the most efficient way to meet your person. If you’re looking to find love, there are plenty of reasons to prioritize compatibility matching, even if that means fewer matches and platforms that fit the bill.
More Personalized User Experience
Low-information dating apps rely on the general popularity of profiles, so the people you see are relatively random for you. You’re stuck swiping through a sea of profiles other people find attractive, regardless of your preferences and genuine compatibility.
Compatibility matching usually generates fewer matches, but they’re of higher quality.
Compatibility matching filters potential matches based on compatibility scores. You’ll likely get fewer matches, but the quality will be better. And if you’re truly trying to date people in real life, reducing the overwhelm of options can make your experience a whole lot easier.
Promoting Healthy Relationships
Let’s be honest: When you’re swiping through Tinder, you’re probably 95% focused on photos. You might read a bio if you think someone is cute or you’ve already matched, but few people read the profiles of those they aren’t automatically attracted to. It’s easy to get caught up in the superficial.
Platforms that are more focused on compatibility facilitate connections based on shared values, not just mutual attraction (though that’s important, too). You don’t need to force yourself to date people you don’t find attractive, but make sure those you do go out with have more in common with you than a pretty smile and nice eyes.
Challenges and Limitations
No technology is perfect, least of all those as reliant on human input as dating platforms. While compatibility matching can dramatically improve online dating, it can’t fix everything.
Reliant on Self-Reporting
People will tell you who they are…to the best of their knowledge. Dating profiles and personality quiz scores are reliant on self-reported answers, so they’re not always accurate.
For example, everyone will say they’re kind and care about others on a personality quiz. Psychologists who work with dating apps will often try to suggest creative ways of phrasing questions to get more accurate answers, but there’s always a limit to survey data.
Additionally, some people won’t finish their profiles. While that may tell you something in itself, incomplete profiles don’t give the whole picture, and thus make compatibility matching less accurate.
Relationships Aren’t So Predictable
People are constantly surprising each other and changing their minds. This is both a lovely and terrifying reality.
You can’t reduce complex human emotions and personalities down to data points and expect the information to be totally predictive. Romantic chemistry isn’t quantifiable, and the way that your partner treats you is never set in stone.
You can never know everything about a person based on their profile, so stay vigilant.
Even when you meet a date based on mutual compatibility, keep your guard up like any other first date. Personality tests are not a substitute for the trust that comes with time.
Algorithms Can’t Do Everything
Dating platforms can connect you with those you’re most compatible with, but they can’t create those people for you or start the relationship on your behalf. The people you meet on these platforms are normal singles like anyone else, and you may or may not begin a relationship with them.
At the end of the day, you have to put in the work to make a connection. Be proactive about meeting up with matches and genuinely try to get to know them.
Future Trends to Watch
Online dating is definitely sticking around, but what it looks like will certainly shift in the years to come. Many platforms are attempting to harness better technology to make compatibility matches more accurate and useful for singles.
AI Advancements Offering Advice
Some dating platforms are using the power of artificial intelligence to match singles based on a more complex analysis of their profiles rather than an algorithmic analysis of their answers to specific questions.
Iris Dating and Keeper AI are at the forefront of this changing tech landscape, and more apps are sure to follow suit.
AI will likely help certain dating apps be more tailored to compatibility.
Additionally, many singles are using AI to help them write dating profiles, message matches, and learn how best to proceed in dating. While using AI can be useful (and tempting), try to make sure your matches are communicating with you and not just Chat GPT.
Evolving Social Norms
Generational shifts have dramatically changed the average progression of a relationship. Couples are much more likely to cohabitate than they were 30 years ago, and they’re likely to marry later.
Additionally, the facets of compatibility that singles prioritize has changed – and expanded – dramatically. Singles see political views as more important than they used to be. As the genders become more politically polarized, with men leaning further left and women leaning further right, the long-term effects of this on dating and marriage are still undetermined.
At the same time that singles have started holding values-based compatibility to a higher standard, geographic compatibility has become less of an issue. The pandemic primed many singles for long-distance relationships, making them comfortable with having meaningful dates over FaceTime or working remotely while visiting their partners.
When filling out your dating profiles, consider which elements of compatibility are essential and which are negotiable. You may not be able to find someone who checks every box, but you can probably find someone who’s compatible in the ways that matter.
Compatible Matches Are a Good Places to Start
Compatibility matching can do wonders in forming a basis for meaningful relationships. When you go on a first date who ticks most of your boxes, you can start a relationship without any reservations about inevitable hiccups.
You won’t have to worry what happens when they want to start getting serious, knowing that you don’t have the emotional space for that right now. You won’t need to dread the days when you start wanting children because you know that they don’t. Election season won’t be a time of fighting with your partner.
Still, compatibility matching is not a fairy godmother. The people who you meet through compatibility matching are still just people; they weren’t designed in a lab to complement you. All you can do is stay open-minded and show up as yourself.
