Key Takeaways

As singles grow tired and burned out from online dating, many are turning to matchmaking. The once niche service is making its way into the mainstream. Alexandra Freeman, a seasoned matchmaker, talked with us about how the matchmaking industry is changing in part thanks to influencers, and the growing desire singles have for “something real.” 

How Did You First Become Aware of the Shift from Online Dating to Offline Matchmaking?

My youngest client is 26 years old and he’d already given up on love. When I first spoke to him over the phone, I heard most of the same things I always hear from my matchmaking clients: ‘I’m mostly using the apps, and obviously that’s not working.’ The conversation is the same each time, with only slight variations on the theme, all the singles I talk to are fed up with online dating.

Why Do Single People Feel Online Dating Is Failing Them?

Besides the occasional privacy-conscious bachelor or bachelorette, most of the issues with online dating can be divided into the male and female experience. Men come to me feeling left behind and unwanted, unable to stand out and be appreciated on crowded dating apps. Women are equally dissatisfied, struggling to find love while being overwhelmed by messages, some of which leave them feeling objectified. It’s certainly a process that lends itself more to developing a dislike of dating rather than a successful relationship. 

Are Singles Craving Something Real? 

“I want something real!” Sometimes, I can almost hear the sentence before my clients say it. We so carefully curate our online presence these days, and in dating, it can be to our detriment. How many times can fun, flirty banter fizzle out when you realize their photos were 10 years old? 

With hundreds of profiles in your pocket, dating no longer feels like a real connection between two people, but rather a game where you get to pick profiles and never commit. More and more young single people, and older people reentering the dating scene, are instead interested in making in-person connections, which can save you the struggle of online dating.

What Sort of Patterns Have Emerged With This New Demand for Offline Dating?

Many of my date coaching clients struggle with taking the date offline, and they often prefer to seek out curated singles events or speed dating. Authenticity and in-person chemistry are becoming more and more desired, and plenty of companies are rising to the occasion by providing opportunities to mingle. Thought speed dating was a dying industry? Not anymore. The same people who wouldn’t be caught dead at a singles mixer are now chomping at the bit for speed dating. Even as recently as five years ago, I often heard that singles hated curated events and found them cheesy, but now I get phone calls asking if I host any singles events. 

Alongside the event requests, I see more and more people expressing interest in personalized matchmaking and date coaching, something that used to be a much more niche industry. 

How Have Dating Influencers Helped Make Matchmaking More Mainstream and Accessible?

Dating coaches and matchmakers have been around for years, but the rise of online dating influencers has added more accessibility to the industry. Online dating coaches often use their platforms to offer advice on how to date successfully in person, or online, which brings awareness to the industry. People who feel sidelined by online dating reach out to me and my colleagues to help with offline dating, and these singles often got the idea from dating influencers. 

With matchmaking becoming more and more mainstream the days of ‘elite only’ matchmaking are in the past. Patty Stanger of Millionaire Matchmaker and Sima Taparia of Indian Matchmaker have become household names, and they bring more interest in personalized matchmaking services. I have lots of calls with singles whose only knowledge of matchmaking is what they see on TV, but they’re eager to learn more and get out in the wild. Most of my clients are ready to leave online dating behind and focus on real world connections.

How Does In-Person Dating Compare to Online Dating Today?

“I just don’t know what else to do.” On a call recently with a new client, we discussed his struggles with approaching women in public. Out of the three women he approached, only one was single. He had the confidence, but not the knowledge of who he was approaching. This is what we lose when we no longer have a trusty online dating profile to reference before we start flirting. Despite burnout, many singles who come to me convey that while they no longer care for online dating, they also don’t see a path forward without help. 

Dating apps and services are valuable tools, not a quick fix. A lot of people who seek matchmaking are looking for another tool they can use to find a partner, which I love to see. Remaining dedicated to finding love, regardless of the methods, is how I find the most success for my clients. Often a combination of both online and offline methods helps my clients have success in dating. At the end of the day, matchmakers and online dating can both help you find love, but you still have to put in the effort to make it work. 

What Does This Mean for the Matchmaking Industry?

As a matchmaker and dating coach, it is my responsibility to guide my clients through dating in the real world. It is the responsibility of our industry to use technology ethically to make sure our clients have success in their dating goals. People who hire me as their matchmaker can be assured that even without online dating, there can be a path forward for them — without accidentally hitting on married women.

As a matchmaker, it is my responsibility to check in with my clients and make sure they are reaching their dating goals. I always recommend you make sure that whatever path you are on is pointing you toward the relationship you want to be in. If you experience online dating fatigue, remember that people have been falling in love forever, while online dating is a rather new option.

Can Online Dating and Matchmaking Services Complement Each Other?

I always recommend to my clients that they use all the tools available to them when trying to improve their dating life. 

For some that might mean continuing to use both online dating and matchmaking despite that ‘burnout’ feeling. The real trick is to stop treating dating like a game, both online and offline, and engage with someone like they might actually be the love of your life. 

Just remember, when online dating, don’t fall into the trap of swiping without a point. Only engage with profiles you have a genuine interest in, and I recommend you try to take things offline as quickly as is feasible. Make sure you are committing to offline socializing as well. 

If you are working with a matchmaker or attending events, see how it feels to date that way versus the date you set up off Hinge last week. Which worked out better for you and why? I bet the answer will help you decide which path to choose next.