Dating apps: Friends, foes, or ultimately futile? This is the topic that Tinder’s Chief Marketing Officer, Melissa Hobley, and Agape Match’s CEO, matchmaker Maria Avgitidis, met to debate on February 5. 

The debate, titled “Is It Time to Break Up with Dating Apps?”, was organized by nonprofit organization Open to Debate and took place in The Comedy Cellar’s Village Underground in Manhattan. Journalist, filmmaker, and podcast host Nayeema Raza moderated the conversation about whether dating apps are ultimately more harmful than helpful. 

A sold-out audience of dating industry professionals and enthusiasts listened as seasoned matchmaker Avgitidis and Tinder executive Hobley brought their unique points of view to the debate. 

In a press release announcing the event, Open to Debate pointed out how dating app fatigue is a very real phenomenon that hasn’t waned, not even after the worst of the pandemic had passed. Although the online dating industry continues to grow, it is not expected to make the leaps it made back in the 2010s, according to Statista. In fact, over 90% of surveyed Gen-Z users have reported feeling frustrated with the dating app experience. 

If there were ever a moment for in-person dating to make a comeback, it’s now. Avgitidis and Hobley debated whether this potential shift should be celebrated, as well as the pros and cons of online dating. 

FOR Breaking Up With Dating Apps

Avgitidis isn’t necessarily down on dating apps, but she advocates for a more thoughtful and intentional use of dating apps. 

The matchmaker argued that online dating can be too detached and depersonalized to lead to authentic connections. She compared apps like Tinder to apps like Zillow. You wouldn’t buy a house simply because it’s within your budget and desired location, and Avgitidis said the same goes for online dating. 

You can’t accurately gauge abstract qualities, such as chemistry or comfort, through a screen. “It’s okay to swipe, it’s okay to use this tool … [but] think about the kind of person you visualize yourself with, that way you’re not wasting your time messaging people that don’t necessarily fit in that visual,” she said during the debate. 

Finding love via dating apps may be possible, but it takes more depth, patience, and dedication than some Tinder users are willing to give, Avgitidis said. “I think what’s happening on dating apps is … we see everyone and suddenly we become picky about the wrong criteria,” she said during the debate. In other words, people tend to focus on superficial qualities rather than on authenticity. 

“We have just so many options, and therefore, we choose terribly.” 

DatingNews spoke with Avgitidis to hear her thoughts on the debate. She emphasized how modern dating apps, with their countless profiles, swipes, prompts, and subscription tiers, can be overwhelming. “It still came down to the paradox of choice,” Avgitidis told us. “We have just so many options, and therefore, we choose terribly.” 

She argued that seeing someone through a screen is less impactful than seeing them in real life. “It just takes away the humanity, which is ironic because it’s an app that’s meant to connect humans.”

Part of the problem, she said during the debate, is that dating apps have contributed to the “gamifying of dating” where users are motivated more by a desire to engage with the app than to engage with an actual person. 

In this way, apps are more likely to boost the user’s ego, not the success of their love life. 

AGAINST Breaking Up With Dating Apps

Meanwhile, Hobley’s main argument was simple, but effective: “Dating apps introduce you to people whom you otherwise would not have met.” 

To support her point, Hobley shouted out former NFL player Jason Kelsey and his wife Kylie, who met on Tinder. Dating app users don’t need to be professional athletes to make strong connections either, according to Hobley. She proved this when she asked the audience if they’d ever been in a relationship because of a dating app, and received a chorus of “woos” in response. 

As the CMO of one of the most popular dating apps in the world, Hobley defended the role Tinder plays in modern-day life. For the average person, online dating isn’t always a choice, but a necessity. “The phone is the center of our lives now,” she said. “Apps meet you where you are.” 

They do this, she said, by being the most convenient option. Avgitidis emphasized the wasted time scrolling through dating profiles, and Hobley emphasized the wasted time spent sitting in dead-end first dates. 

“The phone is the center of our lives now … Apps meet you where you are.” 

Hobley also pointed out how dating apps can be more financially accessible than matchmakers, dating coaches, or blind dates. Not only are dating apps typically cheaper, but they give the user more time to warm up to a potential date before meeting them in real life. 

During the debate, Hobley specifically mentioned how some people are more comfortable coming out as LGBTQ+ on Tinder before they do so in real life. Plus, she added, single parents can wade into the dating world instead of diving right in when they use an app. 

An undeniable downside to dating apps is the prevalence of scammers and badly-behaved matches. Hobley addressed these concerns, and argued that everything from deceitful catfish to creepy dates are inevitable in the dating world, whether online or offline. As Tinder’s CMO, Hobley didn’t hesitate to point out the ways the app keeps its users as safe as possible, like with its zero-tolerance policy on harassment and its self-reporting tool. 

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do 

With 21% of surveyed young people struggling with dating app fatigue, it’s safe to say that some Gen-Zers are disillusioned with the state of the modern dating app. The apps have had to reframe their appeal to the average person. Hobley implied that dating apps can serve different purposes for different people depending on their needs. 

But to Avgitidis, the flexibility offered by dating apps isn’t always helpful. “You are messaging people that some of you have zero intent on ever meeting in person,” Avgitidis pointed out. Hobley countered that apps like Tinder can only streamline the dating process so much. We reached out to Hobley for direct comments, but did not get a response. 

If Avgitidis and Hobley agree on anything, it’s this: It’s possible that the efficacy of a dating app depends more on the user’s habits than the app’s features.

You can listen to the entire debate when it’s released on NPR, YouTube, and Spotify on February 14.