Many people — myself included — struggle with insecurity. That insecurity may seem internal, but it has external ramifications. When left unchecked, negative self-talk can sabotage relationships.
Take Kathy, for example, who was single and self-conscious about her weight. That insecurity prevented her from feeling confident on dates. So, Kathy worked with a dating coach — Dr. Wendy Lyon — to help improve her self-esteem and get her romantic life on track.
Within months, Kathy’s outlook on love changed, and so did her fortune. Now, she and her husband are happily married with a son.
Kathy would never have been able to open herself up to that relationship without the support of a coach. Dating coaches are relationship experts who help their clients improve their dating skills and find love.
Dating coaches help their clients improve their dating and relationship skills so they can find lasting love.
People work with dating coaches for all kinds of reasons. Some find themselves stuck in the same patterns of bad relationships. Others have never dated at all and find it difficult to join the dating world as an adult.
If your dating approach needs some work, you don’t have to figure it out on your own. I’ll walk you through what you can expect from working with a dating coach and why getting a little bit of romantic assistance might be a game changer for you.
The Benefits of Hiring a Dating Coach
Most life skills take practice and guidance to master. No one is born automatically knowing how to play piano, write a novel, or perform surgery. Dating is the same.
We develop dating skills from our life experiences, and we often need some extra help to be the best daters we can be.
“If you wanted to improve in your business, you’d hire a business coach, and if you wanted to improve your basketball game, you’d hire a basketball coach,” Dr. Lyon once told me. “Most people also say that their relationships are the most important part of life, so if you want to find true love, hire a dating coach!”
Unbiased & Experienced Advice
You may be thinking: I don’t need a dating coach; I have great friends! Sure, your friends love and support you, but they may not see you the same way a stranger on a first date would. They have no way of knowing how a date may perceive you and your quirks. And even if they do, they may hold back on telling you for fear of hurting your feelings.
Unlike your friends, dating coaches will give you honest advice that may be hard to hear.
A coach, on the other hand, will tell it like it is. They’ll let you know if you need to update your wardrobe or if your dating profile pictures don’t show you at your best. They can give you small fixes to be more attractive to dates, which your friends probably wouldn’t notice or would be too nervous to tell you.
Someone Is in Your Corner
While your coach will be honest with you, they’ll always have your best interests and emotional well-being in mind. It helps to have someone to talk things out without worrying that you’re overburdening them. As much as your friends want you to find happiness, there are only so many conversations about your dating life that they can take.
While all dating coaches have different boundaries, some coaches even offer their number to text anytime something comes up. If you need a little pep talk before a date, you’ll have someone there to tell you you’ll do great and remind you to implement the skills you’ve practiced.
Practical Assistance That Gets Results
Not all the work of a dating coach is internal — coaches are usually much more action-oriented than therapists are. Some coaches will even go out with you as a wingman to offer support in real-life interactions. Many provide dating profile writing or editing as well.
Dating coaches work on practical skills, and they may even assist you as a wingman.
Usually, coaches will give you homework. It could be introducing yourself to new people at a bar or writing a list of traits you want in a partner. If you stick with it, this work can be transformative.
Holding You Accountable
Think of a dating coach as a fitness coach. They make a plan for you to follow, then they hold you to it. Much of dating is hard and involves putting yourself out there, so dating coaches will make sure you’re getting out of your comfort zone.
Coaching Methods & Services
Dating coaching is not a one-size-fits-all model. There are different types of dating coaches for different personalities and budgets. Some singles may need a lot of step-by-step assistance, while others just want a third party to look over their dating profiles.
No matter what type of help you need, you can find a coach who will meet you where you’re at.
Personalized Strategy & Feedback
Any dating coach will start their work with a client by assessing their dating goals and challenges. This will give them a sense of whether they’re a good fit to work together and how long and in-depth the coaching process will be.
Dating coaches tailor their advice and strategy uniquely to their clients’ needs.
Once hired, the coach will provide personalized strategies for dating success. This may be inner work if the client mainly struggles with personal paradigms around dating, or it may be working to change their behaviors on dates and in social situations.
If the client starts going on dates, the coach can offer feedback. They’ll hear from the client where issues came up and provide solutions to avoid those same hiccups next time around.
Types of Coaching Services
Most traditional dating coaches offer one-on-one coaching sessions. These sessions may look similar to what one would picture with therapy: The client discusses their beliefs and struggles directly with their coach, who, in turn, provides feedback and helps them get to the root of their struggles.
Unlike therapy, the coach is more likely to provide their opinion and give them actionable advice to improve their behavior and mindset going forward.
Some dating coaches will also offer group workshops and seminars, which their clients might attend in place of or in addition to individual coaching. The clients will hear from others facing similar experiences, and they may practice dating exercises together to tackle their fears in a safe space.
Some dating coaches also create online courses and informational resources. Singles can work through the courses to tackle specific issues, such as picking the right partners, securing first dates, or trusting again after facing a betrayal in a relationship.
These courses are often cheaper and take less time than one-on-one coaching, though they lack the individualized help you can expect from a coaching session.
Addressing Challenges Faced by Singles
Singles know that the dating market is tough. You may feel alone and like you’re the only person going through your dating struggles. In an increasingly isolated world — the Loneliness Epidemic is no joke — most people feel disconnected, and they lack the social ties to realize that many people around them feel the same way.
Fortunately, you’re not alone. And with a dating coach, you’ll have someone in your corner who has seen your same problems time and again and knows how to solve them.
Navigating Online Dating
Many people struggle to find success with online dating. Whether you have a hard time with messaging or your profile, online dating can feel impossible when it doesn’t come naturally.
Your dating coach can help you through the process of crafting an appealing profile and engaging with potential matches. The pros understand how your online presence translates for a stranger, so they can make sure you’re sending the right signals.
Dating coaches can also help you understand online dating etiquette. Much of online dating is not intuitive — especially for older adults who didn’t grow up online — so your dating coach can spell it out for you.
Overcoming Rejection and Ghosting
If you put yourself out there, you will inevitably face rejection. Rejection is a part of life, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.
Dating coaches can help you work on strategies for coping with rejection and building emotional resilience. To build a healthy relationship, you need to be okay with expressing your own vulnerability. You may not always get the reception you want, but you need to be okay with trying.
And if you do find yourself rejected or even ghosted by a date, a dating coach can help you keep a positive mindset. It’s hard not to take rejections personally, but until you establish a trusting relationship, you need to accept it and stay the course.
Correcting for Blind Spots & Bad Habits
No one wants to admit it, but when you run into the same problems over and over, the source of the trouble might be… you. If all of your exes are crazy, it may be time to look inward.
As neutral parties, dating coaches can see your bad habits and help you get out of your own way.
Dating coaches can help you identify bad patterns that may lead you into bad situationships. And if dating is becoming a negative force in your life, they may encourage you to take some time away and focus on your own healing and growth.
Helping Singles Make a Breakthrough
When you feel good about yourself, more often than not, other facets of your life fall into place. While dating coaches will certainly help you work on your dating skills, they’ll also make sure you’re in the right mindset to seize opportunities and change your life.
You don’t need to be happy all the time. But when you’re hopeful about your life rather than cynical, good things are more likely to come.
Success Stories: The Impact of Dating Coaching
For many people, meeting their spouse is the biggest turning point in their lives.
It’s hard for me to picture what my life would look like had I not met my partner. I would be a dramatically different person without him, and likely for the worse.
Working with a dating coach changes the lives of countless singles because coaches make it far more likely that they’ll be ready to meet their partners.
Not everyone wants to find a partner, and that’s okay. But for people who do, that love is transformational.
Real-Life Testimonials
One client told Tripp Kramer, a men’s dating coach and founder of Tripp Advice, that he hadn’t had a girlfriend in more than 10 years. But after working with Tripp, he was able to find the confidence to meet and fall in love with a new girlfriend.
Even after years of singleness, you can find a long-term relationship with a dating coach’s help.
Julianne Cantarella, New Jersey’s Matchmaker and Dating Coach, told our team that she once worked with a woman who tended to judge men before going on dates. She was unenthusiastic about going on a first date with one such man but quickly fell in love. They’re happily married.
Whether singles struggle with judging strangers, their partners, or themselves, dating coaches can open minds to love. When you keep an open outlook, you may be surprised by who you meet.
Popular & Trusted Experts
You don’t need to work with a big name in dating coaching to get help, but the top experts can be a great place to start your search. Many dating coaches provide video consults now, so you don’t even need to be local to get advice from a coach.
On the men’s side, consider hiring Emyli Lovz and Arica Angelo. These women combine empathy with a great understanding of women’s perspectives in dating, which can give men the tools they need to form genuine relationships.
Women may want to work with the Millennial Love Expert Samantha Burns or slow-love enthusiast Damona Hoffman. Expect the right blend of kindness and tough love from these experts.
What Can Coaching Do For You?
Dating coaching is best for singles who need to build up their confidence and understand what they may be unknowingly struggling with in dating. If you feel like you’re trying your hardest, but you just can’t get a relationship to stick, coaching might be right for you.
What you get out of dating coaching is going to depend on both the specific coach you work with and how much effort you’re willing to put in. Make sure your dating coach has both the offerings and romantic philosophy you need. Only go into dating coaching if you’re serious about changing your romantic life.
It’s important to recognize that dating coaching is not the same as matchmaking. A matchmaker sets you up on dates. Still, many dating coaches also offer matchmaking services, so if that’s something that appeals to you, consider working with a dating coach who does both.
Dating Coaches Empower Singles to Get Dates
If your love life has stalled, don’t give up. I know it can be frustrating to be single, especially if your friends and family members are happily in relationships. You may feel an impulse to harden yourself to love and to turn to cynicism as a defense.
But there are effective steps you can take to get your love life on track. Working with a dating coach is a great way to make positive changes and take control of your romantic future. More often than not, the patterns that have been holding you back are small habits that just require a little nudge to go away.
You may have heard that love comes when you stop trying or when you least expect it. That may happen occasionally — especially for those who meet their partners young — but most single people need to actively seek love to find it. Looking for love is not desperate. I’d say it’s pretty courageous.
When you want something that eludes you, ask for help. That assistance might be the difference between continued frustration and meeting the love of your life.