Opinion: AI Dating Apps Can Keep Users Single Longer

Have you ever used a dating app for months and wondered, “Why am I still single?” Or maybe you work for said dating app, and your users just keep returning again and again to the dating pool. No one is actually getting long-term relationships, or maybe they go on a few dates, but nothing sticks.

Maybe it’s the conspiracy theorist in me, but I often think that folks are not getting boo-ed up on dating apps because of their dateability, but rather because of the dating apps themselves. Specifically, dating apps that used AI matchmaking in their relationship toolset. 

It might sound crazy, but think about it: The dating app you work for profits off engagement, right? Not the exit of your app users. Sooooo… it does make you wonder: Are algorithms prioritizing actual connections — or simply trying to keep users single — AKA continuously swiping?

And hey, dating apps have been making some questionable choices lately.

If you don’t believe me, the incentives definitely seem to prioritize keeping users active rather than getting them off the platform. Why else would dating apps offer ‘lifetime memberships’ or gatekeep your best matches behind paywalls and more paywalls?

“Dating apps are businesses first. Their revenue models rely on users and engagement — swiping, messaging, paying for features,” relationship and women’s embodiment coach Lauren Salaun tells Dating News. “If people found their life partner in two weeks and deleted the app, that wouldn’t be great for their long-term business model.”

It makes sense. But it also doesn’t because the dater wants something entirely different! For many (not all) of your users, the ideal outcome of the whole dating app experience wouldn’t be to continue endlessly swiping, but to leave the platform in a successful relationship.

As AI becomes evermore an industry standard, I think it’s super important to ask: Do the algorithms truly care about compatibility or simply maximizing engagement? If so, something needs to change.

AI is Quietly Curating the Entire Dating Pool

Listen, AI now has its hand in the entire dating experience. If your app hasn’t already adopted it, it probably will — and quickly. 

Of course, users don’t always recognize that as the case. While Joe with a mustache from Bushwick and Jessica from Park Slope attempt to match, they may think they’re browsing a neutral pool of singles, but they aren’t. Not really, anyways.

The algorithm is ranking who appears in a user’s swipe queue, how frequently profiles are shown and who sees who. Those shape everything from match rates to the dating pool quality.

“Those choices dramatically shape someone’s dating experience,” Salaun says, “Including whether they feel like they’re getting good matches or none at all.”

Not everyone is so naive to AI, though. According to Match’s latest Singles in America study, 26% of singles are now using AI to enhance their dating lives. What’s even wilder? That’s a 333% increase from 2024.

The Swipe Loop May Be More Addictive Than Effective

So you want to keep your daters happy, but you also want them to stay, enter: gamification — or engagement mechanics borrowed from social media and gaming — to keep users coming back for more.

Imagine giving your users a cookie or gold star every time they login and that’s a perfect example of what your app is doing.

“Swiping triggers the same dopamine reward loop as social media or even slot machines,” Salaun explains, “a constant sense that the next option could be better.”

I know I’ve definitely experienced this feeling as a bisexual, polyamorous dater. The feeling of endless possibility can feel exhilarating and new and shiny. But it can also cause me, and many other daters, to have decision fatigue, or not go on dates at all or give up on apps entirely.

That endless possibility, Salaun adds, can actually make people less decisive and less satisfied with the matches they do get because what if an even better match is in my next batch of options?”

So How Does AI Fit Into All This?

“AI systems are trained on user behavior, like who you swipe on, who you message, how long you stay active,” Salaun tells us. “If the algorithm learns that certain types of matches keep users swiping or messaging longer, it may prioritize those interactions even if they don’t actually lead to successful relationships.”

Let me be clear: I don’t think all dating apps are trying to keep users single (not all men, right?) but I do think a lot of them are doing it. It is happening all the time.

Both Salaun and I are of the opinion that AI isn’t the entire problem,.

It’s important to keep in mind, she adds, that it’s not necessarily AI that’s responsible for this dynamic. In fact, it’s the humans who are training their AI systems to work this way. Making algorithm decisions that keep people on the app are intentional choices, not just something unintentionally done by AI.

My point? It’s not all AI’s fault. It’s actually a human problem.

What Dating Apps Might Look Like If Relationships Were the Goal

So, what’s a girl to do? If platforms are truly prioritizing helping their users find partners quickly, then I think that the product design might look (or need to look) very different.

Salaun imagines a more intentional model.

“It would prioritize compatibility and intentionality over endless swiping,” she says.

Remember: Users are tired of swiping anyway, so a change wouldn’t be protested against. According to a Forbes Health Survey, nearly 80% of dating app users — particularly Gen Z — are experiencing dating app fatigue or burnout.

In my opinion, platforms like yours should be providing fewer but more compatible matches, limiting how many conversations users can have at once and making sure that folks are realizing their relationship readiness and values. Bye, daters who say they don’t know what they want!

And you wouldn’t be losing money, really. Even monetization could support this goal.

“Paying some sort of membership fee can help weed out people who are less serious, as casual daters may not want to spend money for matches,” Salaun argues.

AI Reflects the Incentives Behind It

OK, maybe AI itself isn’t intentionally keeping people single, but it is playing a part. The incentives that your team has set up are guiding it to do what you claim to not want: the endless, forever single cat lady who swipes into oblivion.

Maybe knock that off and change some things for the better.

After all, dating apps are meant to be a tool. But it takes your team’s mindset, standards, and interactions with your users to do more than just go with the algorithm