Key Takeaways

I am a bisexual, polyamorous woman married to a man. Sounds like a mouthful? Well, sure, to a lot of folks, it does. It might even seem like a confusing choice of a relationship dynamic. But what if I told you that more and more couples are looking to live the way I do?

The 38,200 followers over on my Instagram and TikTok — called The Poly Pocket community — sure do. But according to new findings from the General Social Survey, analyzed by Nancy, we are not alone. Nearly 15% of Americans now say extramarital sex is only “sometimes wrong” or “not wrong at all,” up from 9% a decade ago. Plus, those who say it’s “always wrong” have dropped from 78% to 69%.

What does that all mean? Well, in plain terms, non-monogamy is steadily gaining acceptance. And if you’re a part of the dating industry, you should be treating it less like a 70s swinger fad or fast-fading trend, and more like a growing way of relating that is here to stay.

Because polyamory isn’t just a fad — it’s a growing market that more of your users need and deserve access to. Dare I say, dating apps that ignore it risk being left behind. As someone who only uses dating apps that are inclusive to polyamory, I can say it!

Why the “Trend” Narrative Misses the Point

As someone who has been polyamorous for nearly a decade, I’ve seen again and again how it’s called a trend or a passing moment in time — especially by the media.

Even recently, when Ne-Yo shared his life with four girlfriends on Kai Cenat’s livestream on YouTube, it was treated as a spectacle that was about clicks. Or when I go on my TikTok and folks comment, “This is clickbait” or “Your husband isn’t really okay with this.” After all, it could never be real, right?

Wrong. The rise of non-monogamy isn’t about celebrity gossip or even trying to get views as a normal person online. Rather, ethical non-monogamy (polyamory falls under the ENM umbrella) is actually a shift in how people view love, commitment, and even sex.

News flash: It isn’t just about sleeping around, either.

Non-Monogamy as a Market Opportunity

In a recent survey, nearly 3 in 10 Americans said their ideal relationship is non-monogamous. And if you haven’t noticed yet, people are already on dating apps seeking non-monogamous connections, too. 

Think dating apps like Feeld — made for open-minded connections — or even 3Fun, which calls itself the leading dating app for folks looking to meet other open-minded, multi-partner connections. I’ve used both of these in my time as a polyamorous dater.

I avoid other dating apps, like Hinge, for example. Why? Because when their tagline is, “The dating app for people who want to get off dating apps,” it feels a bit too intense. I am already married, so I am not looking to settle down long-term, and if I am looking for a serious partner to integrate into my life, I want it to be with a fellow non-monogamous person.

Mainstream apps, like Hinge or even Bumble, just aren’t designed with us poly folks in mind. If we do use them, we have to bypass certain bio questions or settle for the mismatched algorithm. Or, even worse, tell folks we’re poly when we match, only for them to immediately block us.

Why, instead, can’t apps take polyamory seriously? It would definitely help a growing community, myself included, to stick around and get value out of the apps you’re building.

What Polyamory Really Looks Like

So how can you do that? Well, I think apps need to start by understanding what polyamorous users actually experience and what they want out of dating.

“It’s not just about juggling calendars,” said Sara Tang, a certified sexologist and relationship coach at Nancy. “Each relationship, no matter how casual, demands some level of attention, care, and mental bandwidth. Without intentional effort, managing multiple partners can quickly feel overwhelming.”

Apps could design features that help with time management and keeping everyone accountable — I’d personally love a shared calendar feature or even a check-in reminder for all partner(s) involved — integrated right into the app.

“Even when everyone is on board, jealousy, insecurity, and unexpected emotions are bound to appear…” Tang said. “Many newcomers often expect instant harmony, but healthy non-monogamy takes time, trust and ongoing effort.”

I think normalizing different relationship styles on dating apps, like polyamory, could be a way to help everyone feel included. For those who are new to this way of relating, apps could include educational resources and support tools rather than just a yes or no swipe on monogamous people or those looking for an ONS.

I also think that dating apps could easily integrate, or offer in-app, guides and prompts. AI-based coaching for polyamorous and ethically non-monogamous folks.

Why Dating Apps Should Care (and Invest)

If it’s not clear yet, so many folks are seeking poly-inclusive features. Just look at Feeld — which has nearly doubled its turnover to 39.5 million — as it’s expanded across the world. That’s because people are interested.

The younger generations, especially, are into it. It’s not a secret that Gen Z and millennials value fluidity and inclusivity, and ignoring polyamory or writing it off as a trend would be counter to those values. If I were you, I’d be listening to the shift and what ENM folks actually care about.

Non-monogamy is real, human work. It’s not a trend (or a phase, mom.)

So, please, I am begging you, dating apps. Stop treating polyamory as something edgy or out of the box. Instead, treat it like it’s the future of relationships because for many people out there, it is.