At its core, casual dating is all about having fun. When I’m casually dating, I’m going out to meet new people without expectations. While I might end up spending more time with a specific person, there’s never pressure to enter into an exclusive relationship or operate as a unit.
I enjoy trying new foods or going to concerts together — but I’m less interested in being called their girlfriend or meeting the parents. This is what separates casual dating from its serious counterpart, which is typically performed with the intention of finding a committed relationship and shouldering the tougher conversations that come with it.
Casual dating has no pretenses of being anything more than fun in the moment. Casual daters tend to be flirty and sexually active.
Both casual and serious dating have their place, depending on your current needs and what you’re looking for. But if you want to learn more about the benefits of casual dating, read on.
Understanding Casual Dating
It’s crucial to understand each other’s intentions before entering into a new romantic situation. Below, we’ve outlined some context to help you and your potential partners determine whether casual dating is a fit for you.
Definition and Characteristics
Casual dating could be described as a non-serious relationship between two people where both parties enjoy each other’s company but do not commit to a long-term relationship. It can also be used to describe the practice of going on dates with multiple people without the intention of discovering a serious relationship.
Casual dating can be a good fit for transitional life periods, such as before or after a big move or after a long-term relationship. It allows you to explore your desires in a partner without pressure.
Historical Context
Dating practices have shifted over the decades, and compared to days of yonder when serious dating was the only option, casual dating has become widespread, if not the norm.
Thanks to technology, the pressure to get serious with the first person we meet has gone down. Having access to an ever-growing assortment of dating apps and social media makes it easier, as people now have more options than ever at their fingertips.
It Comes With Benefits
Casual dating might be good for you if you’re still figuring out what you’re seeking from a relationship, or if you’d just like to enjoy someone’s company without thinking years ahead to marriage and babies.
Straightforward Swiping Strategy
Online dating allows you to make your preferences clear. On Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble, for instance, you can set your profile to publicly display that you’re seeking casual fun or a short-term relationship.
Make sure that your swiping strategy matches your intentions. Avoid swiping on anyone who’s looking for something more serious, so you can avoid awkward, painful conversations about misalignment in the future. And if someone doesn’t have their preferences listed, make yours clear after matching or meeting in person.
Less Pressure, Less Time-Consuming
People usually opt for casual dating because it means less commitment, but what does that really mean? For one, not being in a serious relationship allows you more personal time — without that boyfriend/girlfriend label in place, you’re not obligated to attend every event together. If you have a high-stress job or a time-consuming hobby, this is a major plus.
But it’s certainly not the only benefit. Reduced pressure on relationship development gives you room to grow on your own time. Part of that could include opportunities for sexual exploration — if you’re not exclusive with your casual partner, you’re free to seek out a variety of experiences with others and discover what you like without feeling tied down.
Even if exclusive, you might find that removing the pressure of a long-term relationship enables you two to explore sexually without feeling like there are certain expectations to meet.
Romantic Outlook & Future Prospects
Just because it’s casual doesn’t mean its participants have to feel detached. Despite what you might think, casual dating does lead to meaningful connections. The time spent together is the most important part — even if it doesn’t ultimately lead to a long-term relationship. The point is to simply enjoy it for what it is.
Casual relationships can lead to unexpected long-term romance in some cases. Or it can prepare you for stronger future relationships. Maintaining open lines of communication is crucial to managing expectations as you navigate the relationship.
“Our connection and chemistry is off the charts and we’re both feeling that whole ‘right person, wrong time’ thing.” — A 35-year-old woman in a casual relationship
If you’re open to the casual relationship becoming serious, tell your partner; if you’d prefer for it to remain casual no matter what, you also need to make that clear.
As you learn more about each other and possibly develop feelings, check in regularly to determine whether one partner wants more or whether you’re still on the same page.
Psychological Impact
Casual dating has gone mainstream, thanks to shifting social attitudes surrounding commitment. Before diving in, read up on how to prepare yourself to put in the effort that a successful relationship requires.
Short-Term Appeal
Older folks generally have a more traditional mindset — maybe your parents or grandparents have shared stories from their youth about going steady with one person with the goal of eventually marrying them. If I were to tell my parents about my experiences going on casual dates, I’m sure they’d be shocked to hear that you can date someone without seeking something serious.
But this is indicative of changing societal attitudes toward dating, as well as the meaning and value of commitment.
Today, the appeal of short-term relationships is that we’re free to explore our interests and be absolutely sure of what we want before we enter a long-term commitment — no one has to settle for something they don’t want. Why be in a lifelong relationship that doesn’t work for you when you can enjoy life as it comes instead?
Emotional Preparedness
Casual isn’t for everyone, and it takes a certain level of emotional maturity. Though you may hear your friends joke about remaining purposely detached so as not to “catch feelings,” that doesn’t mean you have to act cold or pull back from spending time together. It does, however, mean that you’ll have to work hard to maintain a healthy mindset.
Enter the relationship emotionally prepared to set boundaries (more on that in a second) and remind yourself that there’s no pressure to achieve a goal or “make it” to a certain stage of a relationship.
The best thing you can do is stay self-aware of your feelings and communicate them as they come, all while telling yourself to live in the present instead of for a stereotypical future.
6 Tips for Situationships
Look, keeping it casual may seem easy, but it can get real complicated real fast. Especially if one person catches feelings. Here are some tips for avoiding the common pitfalls of situationships and casual hookups.
1. Be Clear About Consent
Consent is always necessary, and you should treat your partners with the same level of respect that you’d treat a more serious partner.
Check in before, during, and after sexual experiences — you want your partner to have a good time, but for that to happen, they need to want it when you do, too.
2. Communicate Rules and Boundaries
Set boundaries that will ensure your relationship stays casual from the beginning. Will you be exclusive or see other people simultaneously? Do you want to go out together publicly? For instance, if you want your personal lives to remain separate and for the bulk of the relationship to be sexual, make sure to state that — your “rule” might be that you don’t plan to meet your partner’s family or close friends.
3. Keep Your Expectations Aligned (DTR!)
After setting boundaries together, stick to them. Doing so will help to clearly define the relationship. A label likely won’t be necessary, but you and your partner can align along your personal rules.
If they’re not in the same boat when it comes to the casual relationship and the expectations that accompany it, it’s time to say goodbye.
4. Don’t Invest Your Emotions Too Deeply
The point is not to get invested. While you should still display affection when it feels appropriate, don’t spend time fantasizing about your future children and home. Make it a point to de-center the relationship from your lives and continue prioritizing your own hobbies and friends so you don’t become overly important to each other.
5. Know When It’s Time to Call It Quits
Casual relationships don’t have to — and shouldn’t — last forever. Maybe both parties have decided they want to pursue more serious relationships, or the sex just isn’t as good as it used to be.
The point is to be present and have fun, so when it feels like it’s run its course, have a respectful, gentle conversation about parting ways. Whether you want to remain friendly is up to you two to decide.
6. Do. Not. Ghost.
It should go without saying, but in a world where it’s easier than ever to hit the block button and never speak again, you still shouldn’t ghost. Even when you’re ready to end things, you still owe the courtesy of an explanation to this person with whom you spent significant and intimate time.
Challenges & Misconceptions
Ready to jump onto the apps and start swiping? Before you do, make sure you’re aware of the challenges that characterize casual dating. For some, it’s not as easy as it sounds. And familiarize yourself with misconceptions, too — your relationship doesn’t have to be a stereotype.
Common Stereotypes
It’s a common stereotype that people who date casually are only doing so because they fear commitment or are unable to be monogamous. But, as I mentioned above, people seek out “situationships” for myriad reasons, some of them incredibly personal in how they relate to your career, living situation, or last relationship.
A casual relationship doesn’t have to be hurtful. With the right person who’s seeking something similar, you’ll find that you can grow and have fun while being respectful.
Potential Pitfalls
When you suddenly start to feel a desire to do more than just hook up and grab food together, you’ll have fallen victim to the dreaded risk of developing feelings.
While this feeling can be painful, it’s worth expressing. If your partner isn’t receptive to the idea of the relationship becoming serious, you’ll have to make the decision to leave.
Knowing when being casual is no longer serving you and having the guts to speak up and step away is the best thing you can do. It doesn’t mean that you “lost” or couldn’t get your partner to commit to you — rather, it means that you’ve successfully learned what you want, and are now free to find a partner who will meet your serious needs.
No Strings Doesn’t Mean No Feelings
Decided that casual dating is right for you? If you keep an open mind and make your intentions clear, casual dating can introduce you to incredible individuals and experiences.
But mutual respect is the key to doing so successfully. After all, it’s only human to develop feelings. Communicating your needs and conducting check-ins to make sure you’re on the same page will ensure that both parties feel seen and heard.
