Following established tradition in social behavior has its fans and detractors. Some people would argue that adhering to minor formalities is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Others consider them opportunities to create cherished memories. For example, would you ask your partner’s parents for their blessing before proposing? 

Is this dating ritual an old-fashioned and antiquated tradition that has no bearing in the modern world, or is it still an important step on the way to marriage?

Do people put as much stock into what their future in-laws think of them as they perhaps once did? Or is the process of approaching your loved one’s folks to ask for permission to marry their child now considered a demeaning, awkward, and simply unnecessary task? 

We asked these exact questions to 3,000 18- to 35-year-olds to get their thoughts on the matter. Here’s what America had to say…

Most & Least Traditional States

The results show no clear consensus across the country. For example, nearly half (48%) of survey respondents in California voted against the need to ask for permission to wed, perhaps reflecting states with a more liberal approach to life. 

41% say they feel confident in their relationship and don't need parental approval

On the other hand, conservative states where traditions are more likely to be upheld, such as North Carolina and Utah, strongly swung the other way with just 14% and 16% of respondents, respectively, saying they would not consider asking their future in-laws for their blessing prior to popping the question.

The five states where people are least likely to ask for their partner’s parents to give their blessing:

  1. New Hampshire
  2. California
  3. New York
  4. New Jersey
  5. Delaware

The five states where people are most likely to ask for their partner’s parents to give their blessing:

  1. North Carolina
  2. Oklahoma 
  3. South Carolina
  4. Utah
  5. West Virginia 

Of those who said they wouldn’t ask for permission, 41% stated that the answer just really wasn’t that important to them, as they felt confident enough in their relationship with or without the parents’ blessing. Another 24% said that it wasn’t relevant to their or their partner’s beliefs. 

On the other hand, 21% said they didn’t have a good relationship with their partner’s parents, and 14% believed it was an outdated practice.

Here is the full state-by-state breakdown of survey respondents who wouldn’t ask for parental permission to propose:

StatePercentage Who Wouldn’t Ask For Blessing
Alabama19%
Alaska25%
Arizona29%
Arkansas20%
California48%
Colorado29%
Connecticut36%
Delaware42%
Florida26%
Georgia18%
Hawaii24%
Idaho30%
Illinois20%
Indiana21%
Iowa36%
Kansas22%
Kentucky21%
Louisiana22%
Maine37%
Maryland31%
Massachusetts39%
Michigan28%
Minnesota27%
Mississippi18%
Missouri19%
Montana20%
Nebraska23%
Nevada36%
New Hampshire52%
New Jersey43%
New Mexico18%
New York44%
North Carolina14%
North Dakota24%
Ohio34%
Oklahoma15%
Oregon36%
Pennsylvania39%
Rhode Island34%
South Carolina15%
South Dakota31%
Tennessee21%
Texas23%
Utah16%
Vermont40%
Virginia23%
Washington36%
West Virginia17%
Wisconsin32%
Wyoming24%

Other Outdated Traditions

Survey respondents revealed a few other marriage traditions they thought had little place in the modern world. Here are the four marriage traditions respondents felt were most outdated:

  • Waiting to sleep together until marriage: 44%
  • Cohabiting only after marriage: 15%
  • Taking your partner’s last name: 12%
  • Having a religious wedding ceremony: 4%

In fact, 62% of survey respondents said that cohabitation before marriage is necessary for a successful relationship. Additionally, 66% of those surveyed said they are supportive of a man taking a woman’s last name in a marriage.

But despite thinking that some antiquated traditions surrounding marriage need to go, 84% of respondents surveyed still believe the institution of marriage itself will still exist 50 years from now. 

A whopping 89% said they would still marry someone even if all their family and friends disapproved. And 70% said they would even consider proposing to their partner without a ring.

89 percent would marry someone even if their friends and family disapproved.

When citing their biggest motivators for getting married, Americans mentioned the top reasons below:

  • Love and commitment: 70%
  • Social expectations or pressure: 10%
  • Financial or legal benefits: 8%

While the jury is out on whether asking someone’s parents for their offspring’s hand in marriage still has a place in modern times, it’s a practice that has been around for centuries. 

2 in 3 say they support men taking a woman's last name

Dating back to ancient Rome, the practice originated when would-be grooms would give the father of the bride a coin. If the father accepted the coin, the wedding was on, regardless of the bride’s opinion. Today, it is often seen as a sign of respect and a way to include prospective in-laws in this exciting occasion.

“It is interesting to see how marriage traditions either remain the same or continue to evolve, depending on location. While some still see asking a partner’s parents for their blessing as an important gesture of respect, it appears others view it as an outdated tradition that will slowly be phased out,” says Amber Brooks, Senior Editor of DatingNews.

Would you ask for your partner’s parents’ blessing before getting down on one knee? And would their answer sway your decision? Whatever your thoughts, it looks as if this Roman ritual is here to stay for some time yet.

Methodology

We questioned 3,000 respondents between the ages of 18 and 35, selected from a geographically diverse, double opt-in online panel. We then refined this selection process to align with the specific criteria necessary for each distinct survey. To ensure accuracy, we crafted our questions to thoroughly screen and verify respondents, matching them precisely with the survey’s target audience.

Our data collection process integrated a range of quality control methods. Beyond standard practices like digital fingerprinting, bot detection, geo-verification, and monitoring response speed, each response was carefully reviewed by a dedicated team member for quality and contextual accuracy. We also paid close attention to open-ended responses, examining them for relevance and originality, and screened for any nonsensical or potentially plagiarized content.