Key Takeaways
- Adults 50 to 64 are prime targets for romance scammers, as their growing use of dating apps exposes them to risks they may not be prepared for.
- With many older adults unfamiliar with common warning signs, victims can suffer devastating financial and emotional losses.
- Shame keeps many romance scams hidden, allowing scammers to thrive despite the fact that even accomplished professionals can be manipulated.
- To remain trusted spaces, dating platforms must prioritize scam awareness and make it easier — and stigma-free — for users to report suspicious behavior.
In a new study, AARP found that 1 in 10 adults over the age of 50 have been targeted by an online romance scam.
The financial loss is nothing to sneeze at. The Federal Trade Commission estimates that Americans have lost billions of dollars to romance scams throughout the 2020s, and we’re only halfway through the decade.
AARP’s survey confirms that daters, especially older daters, are still vulnerable to emotional and financial manipulation.
The stigma surrounding romance scams makes it difficult for people who have been victimized to speak up about their experiences. Debby Montgomery Johnson was in the same boat in the 2010s, but she recently took to Woman’s World to tell her story and shed light on the damage done by these scams.
Older daters are still vulnerable to emotional and financial manipulation.
“I’m not the face of the victim. I’m the face of the survivor,” she told the magazine. But there was a time when Johnson’s perspective of the situation was much different.
Johnson’s story is not unlike the 1 in 10 people who admitted to AARP that they’ve fallen for or been targeted by a romance scam.
AARP’s survey reveals updated statistics about the prevalence of romance scams, shedding light on the realities of the crime, where these scams are most likely to occur, and how Johnson’s story, while intriguing, is far from unique.
Middle-Aged Americans Are Most Vulnerable
AARP’s national survey uncovered a particularly vulnerable group of Americans: Those aged 50-64, mainly because they’re more open to online dating than older people, and therefore more likely to encounter a scammer.
The places older adults (and the rest of us, too) are most likely to go are also breeding grounds for romance scams: Dating apps (63%), social media platforms (42%), and messaging apps (21%) top AARP’s list. Naturally, Johnson found herself on a dating site, too.
She knew dating platforms could be risky places. “I went to a faith based dating site, thinking that it would be safe,” she told Woman’s World. A widow in her early 50s, Johnson was curious about what — and who — the online world had to offer.
Sixty-three percent of AARP respondents say they use dating apps to meet people.
When she met a man who said “Call me Eric Cole,” she was intrigued by his confidence and profile pictures, but hesitant about what he told her. His vague new “overseas job” and insistence that they move their conversations to an instant-messaging site nagged at Johnson, but she felt herself being pulled in regardless.
There are some dating app skills that younger users, and perhaps even some dating platforms, take for granted. For instance, older daters might not know the hallmarks of a catfish, or how some green flags are really red flags in disguise. So when they create a dating profile, they instantly become prime targets for romance scammers.
Johnson didn’t know then that she was falling into the same trap.
45% Don’t Know How to Identify a Scammer
When Cole started asking Johnson for money, it didn’t feel right — but the former bank manager found herself transferring thousands of dollars to him anyway. It felt “scuzzy”, as she put it. “I tried to verify as best I could, but I also had my heart invested at that point.”
Forty-five percent of respondents told AARP that they don’t know much about scammers or the most common signs to look out for. On dating apps, scammers tend to play the long game, slowly gaining their target’s trust until the prospect of giving them money feels like a natural next step in the relationship.
Cole’s scam similarly went deep: He connected her to his supposed family and attorney, gaining her trust — and her cash — in the process.
“I tried to verify as best I could, but I also had my heart invested at that point.”
With this in mind, there’s a clear knowledge and safety gap that platforms can easily fill. The problem is more urgent than it may seem: One in 6 adults told AARP that they or someone they know has suffered financial loss due to a romance scam.
But Johnson found that the emotional loss was just as painful as the financial loss. One day, for whatever reason — perhaps his conscience caught up to him, or he felt he had sucked Johnson dry long enough — “Cole” confessed. “I have something to tell you, and it’s going to hurt you,” he told Johnson.
He admitted to the scam and even revealed his real face in a video chat. Johnson was beyond heartbroken — and she was out $1 million. “I swore I would never tell the story again, ever,” she recalled.
The Dating Industry Can Eradicate Shame
Romance scams are surrounded by a culture of shame that makes it difficult for victims to tell their story. Even though 62% of AARP respondents said they view romance scam targets as the victims of a crime, 60% still believe that the victim was too trusting and too gullible — naive to a fault.
This explains why 55% of scamming incidents are never reported, according to AARP.
Johnson does not fit the mold of a stereotypical scam victim. Her career as a senior bank manager and in U.S. Air Force Intelligence made her discerning by nature. Looking back, she knows there were signs that Cole wasn’t being 100% honest with her.
Scammers depend on our shame for survival.
“There were all these things that I questioned that goes back to my Air Force Intelligence background training,” she told Woman’s World. But Cole’s tactics cut through her suspicions. Over time, Johnson’s shame faded, especially when she realized that she was far from the only person to fall for a romance scam.
Now, she works hard to teach people the signs of emotional manipulation in an online setting. “I’m not alone. It was not my fault. I was manipulated by somebody,” she said. Scammers depend on our shame for survival; the only way to eradicate scammers is to talk about them, expose their tactics, and teach each other the signs of a potential scam.
Platforms Must Acknowledge Scams To Prevent Them
AARP’s findings shed light on the importance of awareness. If the dating industry wants to remain a trusted space for all age groups, it has to acknowledge the realities of romance scams.
In the case of romance scams, knowledge really is power — and it’s the best defense against a scammer’s honed tactics. It’s up to dating platforms to make sure seniors understand the typical language, tone, and behavioral patterns of scammers.
They need to know that convoluted sob stories and convenient financial problems are reasons for suspicion — that “I’m a crypto millionaire” isn’t an unexpected windfall, but a glaring red flag.
Platforms have to make it easier for elders and younger users alike to identify and report suspicious behaviors. And platforms have a responsibility to make reporting these incidents as judgment-free as possible. Only then will these dating platforms start to resemble the “safe spaces” that all daters, old and young alike, deserve.
