The Scoop: Matchmaker Maya Schaareman has worked closely with love-driven singles, and she’s learned a lot about how to find love. She told us that clear intentions and honest conversations early on can make a big difference in the longevity of a relationship. After all, if you’re not ultimately compatible, you want to know that right away, don’t you?
In a story so fated you’d think it was written for television, Maya Schaareman met her partner at an event organized by Date for 2 — a Netherlands-based matchmaking service that helps “well-educated and selective singles” over the age of 25 find love. It also happens to be Maya’s current place of work.
After becoming inspired by “the most wonderful relationship experience” she’s ever had, Maya decided that stepping into the role of matchmaker just made sense.
This way, she can guide other serious, romantic hopefuls toward compatible partnership based on what has become, for her, an unshakable truth: matchmaking works.
Through a short, sweet, and certainly hearty conversation with the love guru herself, we get a glimpse into how the Date for 2 process unfolds, who these solutions serve most, and how all of us — whether we enlist the help of matchmakers or not — can find partners that actually suit us.
In Maya’s words, “When you choose someone and you aim to have a really long relationship with them, you have to see the relationship like a contract, an agreement between two people. And you have to be very honest with yourself about why you’re entering into this relationship.”
How Matchmaking Works
In an era where marriage numbers are down and frustration with online dating apps is up, this peek into good ol’ fashioned matchmaking couldn’t have come at a more perfect time — nor could it be coming from a more perfect perspective.
Maya, who has seen firsthand the powers of matchmaking, tells us that the process at Date for 2 is not exactly complicated, but it is thorough. To start, clients get connected with a matchmaker for an initial (and, notably, free) consultation. This is not a reflection of the matchmaker’s value, but rather emphasizes how important it is that the expert and the client match each other’s vibe:
“I know that even if you find a matchmaker, that doesn’t mean you’ll click with them. You need to be able to work together to find your match, and if you don’t, it won’t be a successful story,” Maya said with conviction.
Turns out the compatibility of the future couple isn’t the only one at stake here!
Once a client finds a professional they feel authentically connected to, the dynamic duo will have a chance to discuss whether to take the traditional payment route, or try out an offering the company just recently rolled out: a “No cure, no pay” policy.
This (probably) means exactly what you think it means: Clients don’t pay unless a match is made. Maya explains that whether this option is explored is heavily dependent on the client’s dating goals:
“Our advice depends on what kind of person you’re looking for, what kind of service you’re looking for, and how difficult we believe this person will be to find. If you’re looking for a unicorn, we’ll likely do the traditional paid way because this will be a lot of work.”
After the payment approach is decided and a contract is signed, the intake process begins — and this is where the “thorough” aspect of it all comes in. Because how can you understand what kind of partner your client needs without first understanding the client themselves? This means in-depth interviews, personality tests, and comprehensive personal descriptions that matchmakers use to create their client’s profile.
Next, Maya tells us that each client profile will be verified by two separate matchmakers, and shared on two separate boards — one accessible through the private Date for 2 database, and the other accessible through a larger matchmaking network:
“We search not only inside our database, but also get some outside candidates from other matchmaking companies.”
Evidently, this company’s got connections.
Expat Spotlight
The company’s website doesn’t specify this (so as not to turn away any singles in need), but Maya makes sure to point out that Date for 2 has been the source of solutions for a very specific demographic of the Netherlands community: expats. She credits her team’s eclectic background for this niche market they’ve managed to attract.
“We all come from international backgrounds. I’m an expat. My colleague was born in the Netherlands, but he goes back and forth between two countries,” she said. “I think our team really understands what people are looking for because we come from different traditions and different countries ourselves.”
“From the first conversation, I trusted her and was not mistaken in choosing my matchmaker. Maya is in touch with the client 24/7 and is ready to answer any questions. You always feel support.” — A 50-year-old client of Date for 2
Having this collection of experts from various backgrounds has proven especially helpful when it comes to overcoming stereotypes, a common obstacle that arises when dating as a foreigner abroad, Maya explains.
“Sometimes, everyone has such a cliche about you because you’re from a certain country. You have to break up with this cliche when you’re looking for a match, and we help with this.”
She goes on to advise any expats out there reading this (Hey, there!) that being willing to learn about the traditions and customs of your new country of residence — so as to set reasonable expectations — is your best bet. Also, a little bit of open-mindedness doesn’t hurt either.
“Don’t be shocked when something doesn’t go as you expected it to,” Maya says with a cheeky grin.
Something tells me she’s got enough bad date stories to fill a Comedy Central stand-up special.
Getting to the Heart of It
What became abundantly clear about Maya, after just a 30-minute conversation, was that not only does she know a little something about finding love, but she cares about people doing it the right way. Whether you use a matchmaker to find your next “wifey,” “hubby,” or lover doesn’t matter — the key is being able to look inward and understand what baggage you may be carrying around with you, and potentially bringing into your relationship.
“Some advice — not just for expats but for everybody — is that it’s very important to start looking above your experience. Sometimes we are looking for a relationship because we just want to feel good and we don’t want to feel lonely in certain moments,” Maya cautions.
That isn’t to say that partners can’t fill your life with comfort and fun and stability, but it is to say that you and your new boo should have discussions about whether you’re on the same page.
“It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about Dutch people here or expats, when someone is asking me how to start a really good relationship, I tell them that they have to approach dating from a place of fun. It has to be interesting. It has to be vibrant.”
She added that singles need to consider carefully what they want. What she’s talking about is intentionality. For example, some people’s intentions for entering the dating world is to start a family. For others, it’s to gain financial safety, or find someone to travel with, or enjoy emotional intimacy.
According to Maya, starting off on a good foot in your relationship requires having a discussion about these intentions as early as possible. And, despite how women are warned about bringing up these heavy conversations “too early,” Maya argues that there’s no such thing:
“If you’re really looking for marriage, you have to bring it up on the first date, or at the latest the second one.”
Ultimately, she says with her chest, “You have to know what kind of contract you signed. Maybe you two have different papers.”
