Romance Scams Change How Victims Date Long After the Money Is Gone

Eleven days. That’s all it takes for even a crudely crafted romance scam to move from first contact to a request for money. And in only a matter of seconds — a few taps on a banking app or a hasty visit to Venmo — an innocent dater’s future can become much more uncertain. 

New survey data from Cloaked reveals how the fallout of romance scams can land on dating professionals’ shoulders. Yes, a majority of romance scams originate on dating apps (30%, according to Cloaked). But with 28% starting on Facebook and 14% with a “wrong number” text, it’s clear that the way scammers make first contact is getting increasingly personal. 

And the fallout, too, is increasingly personal. More than half of romance scam victims said they never recovered a single dollar of what they lost. But for many, the damage doesn't end with an empty bank account. 

More than half of respondents — 64%, specifically — said the experience damaged their ability to trust anyone new. This tarnished trust isn’t only about money; it’s about trauma, and how the lingering cracks in trust can deepen if they go unaddressed. 

Which Generation is Most Vulnerable to Scams?

We tend to associate romance scams with older Americans, but the uncomfortable truth is that we’re all susceptible. Cloaked found that 30% of Gen Z respondents are targeted by romance scams within just 24 hours of connecting with someone, faster than any other surveyed generation. And at $2,042, Gen X loses the most money, on average. 

Of course, $2,042 is chump change to some scammers. These days, it’s not uncommon for scammers to bleed their victims dry, taking hundreds of thousands of dollars — and sometimes more — as part of a long-term pig-butchering scheme. 

According to Cloaked, 56% of romance scam victims never recovered any of the money they lost. Financial security can disappear quickly, taking some of the peace of mind and stability people spent years building with it.

As financially devastating as romance scams can be, the damages are not only wallet-deep. Losing money to someone you thought cared about you can have consequences that extend far beyond the financial hit itself.

The Losses Go Beyond Money

Most of us know how it feels to lose money to, say, a bad investment, but a romance scam? That loss hits us right where it hurts the most: Not only our wallets, but our egos — our sense of stability. The self-confidence and trust that took us years to build, shattered with a single swipe. 

A romance scam can leave victims questioning their own judgment. They may replay conversations, wonder what they missed, and struggle to understand how someone they trusted could manipulate them. Why did I only see green flags in a sea of red flags? 

Dating professionals have to be able to distinguish between a client who is emotionally closed-off, and a client who has been traumatized by a romance scam.

If victims of these scams turn to dating coaches or matchmakers for more personalized, trusted help, these professionals must teach them how to identify the red flags of romance scams in the future. 

After all, losing money is bad enough. Losing confidence, self-assurance, and dating optimism can be an even more difficult kind of heartbreak to heal from. That may be why nearly two-thirds of victims said the experience affected their ability to trust new people.

A client who seems unusually skeptical, guarded, or reluctant to become emotionally invested may not simply be experiencing dating fatigue. Their caution could be shaped by a previous experience in which trust was exploited. 

Dating professionals have to be able to distinguish between a client who is emotionally closed-off, and a client who has been traumatized by a romance scam. 

Why Do Victims Suffer in Silence?

Processing that experience may be even more difficult when victims don't tell anyone what happened. Suffering in silence doesn’t reduce the fallout; it only compounds the impact. And yet, many people prefer to shoulder the pain alone than admit they’ve been duped. 

Cloaked found that one in three romance scam victims told no one about the scam, and 74% even hid it from their family. And here’s a sobering statistic: A nearly-identical number of respondents kept the incident hidden from their friends as from law enforcement (63% vs. 62%).  

It seems that shame, embarrassment, and fear of judgment can turn an already isolating experience into something victims feel they have to carry alone. 

It’s particularly telling that banks and credit card companies were the only ones respondents were more likely to tell than not tell: 57% said they reported the scam to their bank or credit card company, compared with 43% who didn’t.

The average romance scammer may need just 11 days to strike, but rebuilding what happens afterward can take considerably longer. The trauma of a romance scam only encourages a target’s silence, making it more difficult for dating professionals to understand the full context behind a client’s behavior. 

How Romance Scams Change The Way We Date

More than half (54%) of Cloaked respondents who were targeted by a romance scam said the experience changed the way they trust people online. And when something changes the way we trust, it also changes the way we date. 

Dating professionals have to understand the different ways a romance scam can change a client’s behavior. What you would usually perceive as apathy or distrust could actually be rooted in something much deeper. 

For example, a client’s dislike of social media may not be stubbornness, but a natural reaction to being scammed on a social media app (19% of Cloaked respondents confirmed that their willingness to use social media was affected by their experience with a romance scam). 

If a client seems particularly reticent, it may not be because they’re emotionally closed-off, lazy, or unwilling to do the emotional heavy-lifting required in matchmaking: 15% said that being targeted by a romance scam changed their willingness to provide personal information. 

And if a client is careful-to-a-fault with their money, it could be because they’ve previously lost money due to emotional manipulation. In fact, 84% said they’re more cautious with their money than they were before they were scammed. 

For matchmakers, dating coaches, and others who work directly with singles, the takeaway may be to look beyond whether a client is simply “jaded” about dating. Sometimes, distrust is more than a reluctance to give love another chance. It may be the lasting result of having trusted the wrong person — and paying a steep price for it.