Gen Z Is Opting Out of Hookups, But Commitment Anxiety Remains

Gen Z doesn’t need convincing: They love love. Eighty percent of Gen Z respondents to a recent Match Group survey said they believe they’ll find love one day — but only 55% feel like they’re ready for a real relationship. 

Hookup culture is dying out, shepherding in a generation of daters intent on forging real connections based on real values and real emotions. Emphasis on “real”; Gen Z’s preference for authenticity inevitably changes the way platforms have traditionally operated. 

Transactional connections, gamified app set-ups, and appearance-based matching no longer resonates. But meaningful matches, low-pressure connections, authentic compatibility, an engaged dating community; these reflect Gen Z’s present needs. 

Gen Z daters want to make real connections while simultaneously going out of their way to avoid them. They think, “I don’t deserve to be with someone until I figure myself out first.” With this in mind, Match Group’s study reveals a generation obsessed with self-improvement — an obsession platforms can respond to with thoughtful innovation. 

Match Group calls this the “readiness gap,” and it signals a new area of opportunity for the dating industry. 

The “Readiness Checklist” Moves Away from Hookups

The “readiness gap” is a symptom of a deeper issue: Gen Z daters feel like they need to be some form of “better” or “more” before getting into a real relationship. 

The CPO of the dating app Hily, Liubomyr Pivtorak, pointed out this dating paradox in a recent interview with DatingNews. “At Hily, we call this [the] dating reality disconnect,” Pivtorak told us. “Everyone talks about being authentic, but still, people feel the pressure to be perfect.”

Or as Dr. Vanessa Scaringi from Psychology Today put it: “Gen Z has been missing out on an abundant existence — one that is teeming with pleasurable sex, satisfying meals, and an overall messiness.” 

She describes a reality where young people crave “optimization and control” over the type of impulse-driven hookup culture that once defined young adult dating. In fact, Gen Z singles are 56% more likely than other generations to believe that personal growth is an important prerequisite for real romance. 

“Gen Z has been missing out on an abundant existence.”

This is partly why the Tinders and Grindrs of the world are starting to promote themselves as “more than for hookups.” These platforms are attempting to adapt to a generation of daters that, perhaps both literally and figuratively, feel like they need to consult a “readiness checklist” before finding a partner. 

Match Group’s “readiness checklist” reveals a generation intent on self-improvement: Gen Z respondents said they won’t feel ready for a relationship until they learn how to set healthy boundaries (42%), feel comfortable being alone (41%), invest in their own personal growth via therapy or other self-work resources (37%), and maintain strong friendships (36%). 

Gen Z’s Love/Hate Relationship with Social Media

In a way, this unselfish thought process gives platforms a clear path for innovation. They just need to help singles check off each item on their “checklist”, and surely they’ll be ready to engage with dating apps as a result, right? 

Not necessarily. Amelia Miller from the Oxford Internet Institute told Match Group that modern media, namely social media and some AI platforms, doesn’t usually set young daters up for the type of readiness they crave — on the contrary. 

“Social media and AI companions are teaching Gen Z that the messiness of human relationships is something to be tamed, not embraced,” she explained. 

This sets young app-users up for disappointment when they inevitably experience set-backs when using dating apps, despite finally considering themselves “ready” for connections. 

Social media amplifies the social pressures that Gen Z daters already impose upon themselves.

Social media amplifies the social pressures that Gen Z daters already impose upon themselves. In fact, 81% of Gen Z daters consider posting about a relationship online to be an official sign of commitment — and, by extension, an invitation for judgment from others.  

This helps explain why Gen Z daters are so gun-shy when it comes to announcing, and even getting into, new relationships. Just when they feel “perfect” enough to get close to someone, the fear of judgement on social media sends them back into their shells. 

The kicker? Self-actualization “is actually unlocked through relationships with others,” Miller said. Ironically, a solution to this twisted cycle is found on the aforementioned “path to innovation” for dating apps. 

Dating Apps Can Lean into Self-Improvement

Apps must become tools for self-discovery to meet Gen Z’s need for confidence, self-improvement, and relationship readiness. 

Dating platforms are undergoing a period of change, and they’re doing some things right, according to the study: 87% of Gen Z and millennial survey respondents said that dating apps have helped them figure out what they want from a partner. 

Eighty-one percent of these respondents credit dating apps with teaching them how to set boundaries, and 80% say that dating apps have helped them learn more about themselves. 

It’s unclear whether this shift is happening despite poorly behaved matches on dating apps or because of them. Either way, some platforms are now trying to teach these skills directly, rather than leaving users to learn through trial and error.

80% say that dating apps have helped them learn more about themselves. 

Take Hinge, which has the relationship experts at Hinge Labs innovate with modern mental health and self-improvement needs in mind. Match Group, meanwhile, is working with research teams at The Kinsey Institute to develop a clearer understanding of what modern daters really want from apps and from relationships. 

These efforts are essential for young daters, who feel more and more like they must understand their own needs before they can hope to meet someone else’s needs. 

The “readiness gap” has contributed to a generational fear of connection, but by offering intentional self-improvement tools and expert guidance, platforms can help young daters overcome these fears once and for all.