The Scoop: Dating in person in the online age can feel impossible, but with the right mindset, it doesn’t have to be. Dating coach and matchmaker Lucie Ebnerova, founder of Luvidya, told us that dating success often comes down to a healthy and optimistic approach to dating. When singles are open to meeting people in all aspects of life, they open the door to new connections.
My parents met at a free singles workshop in 1993. It was meant for single people in Los Angeles to meet and potentially buy into an expensive matchmaking program that cost up to $3,000. In the early ‘90s that was a lot. Luckily for my broke parents, they met before having to cough up any extra money.
The story goes that my Dad sat next to my Mom after the break. He took the seat previously occupied by a boring dentist who had flirted with my Mom, and then stuck his nose in her neck and complimented her perfume. My parents went on a picnic date at Griffith Park the next day. It was that simple.
This would not happen today. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but you’re more likely to catch a fever. To have someone come up to you in real life, stick his nose in your neck, and sniff you? We have dogs for that. In the world of online dating, it’s difficult to meet people IRL (in real life), but not impossible.
Lucie Ebnerova, the founder of Luvidya, a matchmaking and dating coaching business whose tagline is to “date with purpose,” explains that dating in person is easier than you think. Lucie shared how dating apps can hinder our true, authentic selves, and prevent us from finding the right partner we may otherwise overlook in real life.
We got to talking with Lucie about how to overcome dating hurdles like not getting matches on the app, finding the right partner with shared values, and learning the keys to dating success.
Hint: There’s really only one key and it has nothing to do with looks, style, or external things. It has to do with character.
Luvidya has 10 years of experience under her belt, and she applies to help singles find matches on dating apps and in real life. Because while it seems like a fantasy, true love can be found anywhere – your gym, local coffee shop, workplace, or maybe even right in front of you.
Keep your eyes peeled and read on to discover Lucie’s insights into modern dating in the real world and online.
The Biggest Struggle Daters Face Today
Dating apps have created this wide open playground where anything goes, with an overwhelming number of options. This assortment of strangers looking for love creates a mentality that the grass is always greener.
People are left feeling unsatisfied and restless, seeking more options, meeting more people, and testing out their pu pu platter of potential dates behind a screen.
“People don’t know how to say, ‘I’ll stop here, this is good enough for me. I’m gonna try to invest. I’m gonna work hard. I’m gonna pursue this relationship and put my best into it.’ Instead, they say, ‘OK, it’s not working. Bye,’” Lucie told us.
People also tend to jump to conclusions and swipe over potential prospects. Sometimes Lucie’s clients will look at photos and automatically swipe left or reject them.
Lucie encourages her clients to think of the deeper things they can’t discern through a screen. What about their personality, how they talk, how they touch you, and how they treat you? These are the important, deeper questions she urges her clients to ask.
One struggle that results from the decision fatigue created by dating apps is that people are so overwhelmed that they are closed off to dating altogether. People tend to say they are open, but their actions indicate otherwise.
They live in a cycle of behavior that’s avoidant of meeting other people: wake up, go to work, go home, go to the gym, watch TV, sleep, repeat. That’s not being open to dating, said Lucie.
Lucie breaks dating down into simple terms: Get a hobby.
“Dating means you go out, you have some hobbies, you are exposed to other people. You are open to the opportunity to meet other people, which means sometimes when you walk on the street, you smile, and acknowledge other people on the street, and you are open to accepting other people into your life. Sometimes we live in this bubble on our phones and wondering why nobody approaches us.”
She encourages single people to smile, make eye contact, and give people a signal that they’re open to conversation. This way, you’re more likely to meet someone in real life and be open to opportunities.
Lucie’s #1 Key To Dating Success
The people who are most successful in the search for the right relationship are the ones who are most open to change. Lucie said she works best with people who want to make changes in their lives and are coachable.
“It’s really hard to work with somebody who has this mindset that dating coaching doesn’t work,” Lucie said. “And no matter what you say, you will not change my mind. If something is not working, my job is to say, this is not working. What can we do differently?”
According to Lucie, the best daters are the ones who are open to replacing past behaviors with new ones that can create different results.
Many people come to Lucie looking for their externals to change but don’t want to open their window of opportunity. “If you are not open to that opportunity, there’s nothing I can do to make a difference in your life,” she said. “I love to work with people open to making changes, and that’s the only way I can make a difference in their lives.”
When clients reach for the opportunity to make new choices and become open-minded and willing, positive shifts occur internally and externally.
Luvidya Helps Singles Find Matches In Real Life and Online
Many people are wondering what dating coaching actually looks like. After talking with Lucie, it’s clear that working with her is an elucidating process filled with excitement, fun, and deep revelations.
She typically sits down with her clients and asks about what’s holding them back, their dating history, and their current attempts at dating.
Lucie asks questions like, “What have you tried? What have you been doing? What are your biggest challenges?” After listening to a client’s responses and uncovering the main issues, she starts working on the biggest hurdles to their dating success.
While many people come to her for help with their dating profiles, sometimes she discovers a deeper hindrance. People often repeat certain patterns that lead to the same disappointing results.
There are other reasons why clients aren’t satisfied with their dating experience. “Maybe they need confidence, or they don’t know how to flirt. There are certain things that I discover on our call,” Lucie said. “Usually, I start with one big thing I see right away that they need help on and we need to work on.”
For clients who want to go deeper than fixing a dating profile, she customizes her approach to address underlying patterns. Whether it takes a few weeks or a few months, she asks hard questions: “What has not been working in the past, and what can you do better in the future?”
Based on their responses and practical application of Lucie’s suggestions, the timeline for working with a client varies based on how deep the client wants to venture.
Lucie even had a client who entered into a relationship and continued to work with Lucie afterward so he could learn how to be a better partner. He was interested in creating new, healthy behaviors and avoiding reverting to past unhealthy behaviors. Because once you enter into a relationship, the work doesn’t end.
Luvidya’s matchmaking success shows that for single people, dating in real life and online is about being open to change, new opportunities, and taking healthy risks.
