Long-distance couples struggling to connect may find hope in the form of bulky goggles and gaming controllers. 

Virtual reality can help facilitate deeper connections for couples in long-distance relationships, according to a 2024 study from Texas State University’s assistant professor of psychology, Rhonda Balzarini, Ph.D., as well as York University’s Amy Muise, Ph.D., and Anya Sharma. 

The study, titled “Virtually Connected: Do Shared Novel Activities in Virtual Reality Enhance Self-Expansion and Relationship Quality?,” emphasized the importance of consistent bonding experiences between couples.

Long-Distance Relationships Are Especially Complicated 

The easiest way to achieve this bond is to talk, spend time, and experience life together. But when one person lives hundreds of miles away from the other, achieving a consistent connection gets much more difficult. 

Long Distance Relationships.net estimated that the average long-distance relationship lasts a little over 12 months. Significant challenges reportedly tend to pop up at the six-month mark, the most pressing challenge being loneliness. Sure, couples can text, talk on the phone, and video chat, but the physical and emotional connection that comes from having in-person experiences with each other is much more difficult to replicate from afar. 

Balzarini highlighted the importance of in-person bonding — and suggested an unconventional solution. “We found that shared novel experiences in VR, as opposed to a video chat, enhanced presence, or the sense that your partner was there with you,” Balzarini said. “And this, in turn, was associated with greater self-expansion and boosts in relationship satisfaction, particularly for VR novices.”

The Very Real Benefits To Virtual Reality

If, like us, you weren’t familiar with the term “self-expansion,” Balzarini broke it down. “Self-expansion theory suggests that people are motivated to form and maintain close connections because relationships provide opportunities to expand their identities,” she said.

People maintain close connections by bonding over shared experiences. Shared experiences lead to learning, learning leads to growth, and growth leads to bonding, Balzarini said. Who said we can only learn, grow, and bond while in the same physical environment?

Balzarini explained why virtual reality can be such an effective exercise in bonding. For one, VR plays on the user’s senses, creating the illusion of an enhanced reality. For all the benefits of a video chat, it only offers a static glimpse into the other person’s life. Virtual reality is not only an exciting new technological experience, but it gives people the opportunity to explore new worlds with their partner by their side — albeit virtually.

There’s nothing quite like real life, but if it isn’t an option, then couples should be as immersed as possible in the VR experience. Balzarini noted that immersion is key if couples want to forge a stronger bond via VR. The “more mundane VR simulations,” she pointed out, can lead to boredom.

Two words mentioned frequently in the study are “novel” and “shared”: Whichever simulation couples choose should offer each person a new, enriching experience they can do together.

What Even Is A Virtual Reality Simulation?

When you don a virtual reality headset, you are immersed in a world that provides artificial sights, sounds, and actions.

In Balzarini’s study, undergraduate students in romantic relationships sat in separate rooms and video chatted while watching a video of a hot air balloon ride. Then, they viewed the same experience through VR. The researchers also studied the importance of mundane vs. novel VR experiences by having the couples share a moment of relaxation on a virtual porch followed by a virtual gondola ride.

Can you guess which experiences the couples enjoyed more?

The hot air balloon ride and the gondola ride — again, both novel VR experiences — received more positive responses from the couples. The couples didn’t need to be in the same room to feel thrilled by the hot air balloon ride and enchanted by the gondola ride. The two experiences were enriched by the fact that the couples felt like they enjoyed a special moment together.

Real Couples Shared Their Experiences

People on Reddit have explained how virtual reality has positively affected their relationships.

“My now-wife and I were separated for almost a year due to covid-related travel restrictions,” u/Aszyk wrote on Reddit. This VR-user explained how virtual reality helped their relationship at a particularly stressful time. “Being apart obviously really sucked, but this game felt like we had the chance to escape our isolation to go on a date night.”

This person’s experience mirrored that of others on Reddit. “I’ve always thought that going world hopping or even just hanging out in a room in VR chat is a way better way to spend time together than just talking on the phone or something. You get to have experiences together and at least get some sense of physical presence,” u/SubjectC wrote. Some users even claimed to have met their now-partners inside virtual reality simulations.

Of course, long-distance couples shouldn’t just go out and purchase expensive VR equipment because they think it will solve all of their relationship problems. Virtual counseling may be a helpful starting point for long-distance couples who are struggling with loneliness.

Balzarini made it clear that there are other factors that can make or break a VR experience, such as environment — are you both in safe, quiet places? — technological savvy, and physical health. People with mobility restrictions or motion sickness issues should consult a doctor before leaping into the world of virtual reality.

Balzarini’s study provides a glimmer of hope to long-distance couples who struggle to connect while apart. VR isn’t only a new and exciting technological frontier, but a new frontier for relationships, as well.