Key Takeaways
- The often-toxic dynamic between the average dater, dating apps, and AI mirrors a modern relationship, complete with the belief that “I can fix him.”
- Modern daters are increasingly using AI as a practical tool, even as it blurs the line between authentic and AI-assisted self-presentation.
- While AI boosts short-term confidence, it risks undermining authenticity, forcing platforms to decide whether AI should enhance users’ skills or replace them altogether.
- Even as daters experiment with AI, most view it as inauthentic and even deceptive, proving authenticity is a non-negotiable in modern dating.
- To achieve a balance between authenticity and AI efficiency, platforms must return to a key question: Does this AI feature really add value?
No relationship is more complicated these days than that between the Average Dater and AI. True, they started off hot and heavy, with AI making grand promises about their future together. Average Dater, to their credit, was more hesitant about AI’s claims.
After all, Average Dater has been burned by flashy yet fleeting tech before. But they couldn’t resist AI’s appeal, and before long, the couple was inseparable — until AI asked to bring in a third.
To make matters even more dramatic, this third party just so happened to be Average Dater’s ex: Dating Apps. “I can fix them!” AI claimed. Average Dater, despite their better judgment, couldn’t help but wonder if AI really could fix Dating Apps.
Arrows’ survey of over 1,000 singles shed light on the relationship between daters, AI, and dating apps.
Average Dater thought back on their break-up with Dating Apps: the constant miscommunication, the deep-seated distrust, and the repeated deceptions. Is that really something AI had the power to fix?
The thought intrigued Average Dater. If Dating Apps and AI were truly compatible, maybe, just maybe, they’d be compatible with Average Dater, too.
So, Average Dater gave Dating Apps and AI an ultimatum: If they were going to be a throuple, they’d have to learn how to respect each other’s boundaries.
Perhaps Arrows, a video dating service powered by Tawkify, can help this complicated threesome figure out what they want from each other. Its recent survey of over 1,000 singles revealed how some modern daters really use AI on dating platforms.
50% Use AI for Ideation, Not Articulation
AI as a tool for deception is a very real, very present fear for modern daters. And yet, much like our Average Dater, singles can’t ignore AI’s potential benefits: 54% of Arrows survey respondents said they have used AI tools at one point to help them during the dating process.
Arrows found that of the 54% of people who have used AI at some point on a dating app, most simply use it for ideation, and not as a way to replicate human speech. Nearly 50% use AI to suggest date spots and fun activities, and 45% use it to get messaging pointers.
AI users go on 107% more first dates than those who don’t use AI.
AI’s use as a tool for connection is not in doubt, with AI users going on 107% more first dates than those who don’t use AI (approximately 2.9 vs. 1.4 dates).
This could be because AI helps them present themselves as more intellectual, articulate, and emotionally available than perhaps they really are.
And sometimes, AI is just subtle enough to be undetectable to daters. Its even-toned, well-mannered way of speaking can be mistaken for human confidence, which may explain why survey respondents were 50% more likely to show interest in AI-generated profiles (36%) than those written by humans (24%).
People Use AI to Feel More Confident
Sure, Arrows’ survey makes it seem like AI-powered dating apps almost always have positive outcomes. After all, AI can be a short-term solution to someone’s long-running insecurity surrounding their flirting or communication skills.
For example, nearly half (48%) said they feel more confident in their interactions because of AI. This might explain why 45% use AI to write their profile, 37% depend on AI to maintain conversations, and 34% use it to craft pick-up lines.
But how far is too far? Thirty percent view AI as a helpful tool, and 14% say AI is “harmless fun.” Platforms must decide whether they use AI as a confidence-building tool that helps daters improve their skills, or merely as a functionality that does the work for them.
Profiles, messaging, and opening lines are strong indicators of a person’s personality. I can’t help but think that these compatibility markers lose their value when they’re influenced by inhuman AI, even if AI makes people feel more confident short-term.
65% Said AI Makes Dating “More Artificial”
Arrows asked survey respondents whether they would date someone they knew used AI to write their dating profile bio. As if we needed more proof that daters are generally hot and cold on AI, the most common answer was a maddeningly vague “maybe” (43%), followed closely by “no” (37%) and “yes” (20%).
Still, an overwhelming majority — 65% — said that “AI makes dating more artificial, not more authentic.” Thirty-two percent say it’s “slightly deceptive” and 15% go as far as to call it “a form of misrepresentation.”
65% say that “AI makes dating more artificial, not more authentic.”
More than half of respondents (56%) said that AI-written pickup lines are a bigger turn-off than bad grammar. Poor writing skills may not be ideal, but at least they signal authenticity. And authenticity has become a clear non-negotiable for modern daters.
Just like the Average Dater in my analogy, many modern singles know how it feels to be duped by a catfish, a scammer, and/or a bot. So when more than half of respondents (58%) said that using AI to write messages on dating apps is a form of catfishing, they’re most likely speaking from real — and perhaps even traumatic — experience.
Authenticity is Becoming a Non-Negotiable
Some daters value authenticity to the point that they’ll end a connection over suspected inauthenticity. In fact, 1 in 5 respondents said they’ve ghosted someone because they suspected them of using AI in their conversations.
For some, authenticity — or a lack thereof — is a clear dealbreaker: 17% said they would immediately end a relationship if they learned their partner used AI to text them, and 16% said they’d feel betrayed.
To say daters have a love/hate relationship with platforms that use AI is an understatement. Some uses are more controversial than others. For example, daters seem more open to AI that streamlines the matchmaking process than they are with AI that changes their voice and conceals their personality.
The takeaway for platforms is not strictly “do” or “don’t” innovate with AI, but to use AI with moderation, and to make sure it actually adds real value to the experience. Only then does the Average Dater, Dating Apps, and AI have a chance at being one big, somewhat-dysfunctional, but happy, family.
