Key Takeaways
- A recent Hily survey found that unrealistic expectations of perfection make online and offline daters alike feel insecure and unworthy of love.
- Dating professionals must consider social media’s impact and acknowledge the 21% and 26% of women and men, respectively, who lie on dating apps.
- The survey found that 71% of women and 86% of men accept their partner’s minor imperfections, highlighting the importance of authenticity in modern dating culture.
Sixty-two percent of young American online daters say they aren’t perfect enough to be liked, according to a new survey. The findings lay bare an epidemic in the dating industry, and it’s not just loneliness.
Hily’s recent survey of 3,000 Gen Z and millennial Americans revealed how unrealistic expectations of perfection can poison modern relationships. And for some people, unrealistic expectations prevent them from dating at all.
When this happens, everyone in the industry suffers, from the apps to matchmakers to dating coaches.
It’s up to dating professionals to set the record straight. Hily’s survey provides useful insight into the dating habits of today’s daters.
Gen Z’s love of authenticity says a lot about the online dating culture they want to engage with. Some young people may find sincerity to be “cringe,” but there’s no getting around the fact that authenticity is key to making real connections.
And judging by Hily’s survey respondents, helping daters overcome unrealistic expectations and their fears of authenticity may be the key to getting them back in the dating saddle.
The Pressure for Perfection Begins on Social Media
In general, more than half of those surveyed (57% men and 52% women) said they felt pressured to meet the unrealistic expectations set by what Hily called “online dating culture” — in other words, the superficiality and commodification of matches that fuels competition on dating apps.
Forty-three percent of male and 46% of female respondents said they actively strive for perfection on apps because of unrealistic standards set by social media. The constant photo-editing on social media and dating apps perpetuates the expectation that singles must be and look perfect at all times.
The consequences of unrealistic expectations are easy to understand: lowered self-esteem, self-isolation, and perhaps worst of all, the belief that one doesn’t deserve to find love. Hily found that a majority of respondents — 62% — feel they are “not perfect enough” to be liked on dating apps.
As Hily pointed out, relationships are bound to falter when both people show up with unrealistic expectations of how they and their partner should look and behave.
Any experienced matchmaker would tell you that even the most perfect couple on paper won’t work out if one or both people don’t think they deserve to be loved because they aren’t perfect.
Daters need to know that unrealistic expectations are just that: unrealistic. Easing the competitive atmosphere on dating platforms could make them a more welcoming place for singles.
People Sugarcoat Their Own Personalities
While approximately 71% of respondents said they’ve never concealed their true opinions to appear more agreeable to an online match, that still leaves nearly 30% of people who have. And according to Hily, the sugarcoating only gets worse from there.
Twenty-eight percent of women told Hily that it’s normal for them to “perfect” their profiles so they seem more accomplished or more desirable. This is somewhat understandable:
“Anyone would expect an online dater to spend time polishing their dating profile,” according to Hily’s survey report. “After all, what you have on the app is just a couple of seconds of a person’s attention span.”
The problems arise, however, when daters feel pressured to use these limited spaces to create a false version of themselves. Sugarcoating is even more common among men, according to 38% of male Hily respondents. “I enjoy skiing!” (They’ve only been skiing once). “I’m an influencer!” (Has 200 Facebook friends).
It’s worth noting that 45% of women and 32% of men don’t think sugarcoating has been normalized. But that doesn’t mean lots of singles don’t do it anyway.
There’s sugarcoating, and then there’s flat-out lying, which 21% of women and 26% of men told Hily is a perfectly normal thing to do on a dating profile.
Sixty-four percent of women and 52% of men disagree that lying is normal, but there’s still a decent chance that app users are inadvertently falling in love with fabrications.
With all this sugarcoating and lying going on, it’s no wonder people have such unrealistic dating expectations online and offline.
Gen Z Craves Authenticity, But Needs Help To Achieve It
Funnily enough, Hily made it clear that daters often impose unrealistic expectations on themselves alone, and not on the people they meet on apps: Only 1% of men and 2% of women in the survey said they are unwilling to tolerate minor imperfections.
With this in mind, there’s still hope that dating professionals can help young daters accept their quirks and teach them how to present themselves authentically.
Seventy-one percent of women said they are willing to tolerate small imperfections in their partner. Men are even more tolerant in this respect: 86% are likely to overlook minor flaws. And for all the lying and sugarcoating on dating apps, a majority of daters said they still believe that honesty is the best policy.
Eighty-nine percent of respondents agreed that dating is most fun when everyone is open and honest about themselves and their intentions.
After all, over 90% of Hily’s respondents said that the “perfect” partner means something different to everyone. In other words, perfection doesn’t exist.
It’s a simple concept that bears repeating in the dating industry, especially in spaces where comparison is unavoidable and being authentic is key to forging real connections.
