eharmony Review: My Odyssey to Find Local Charmers

As a board-certified sexologist and a single woman, I’m no stranger to the world of online dating, but I’ve actually never tried eharmony… until now.

I’ve seen so many eharmony ads featuring happy customers who praise the service. While I can’t help but be a bit skeptical, eharmony seems to have sparked real love stories, and that’s exciting to see.

Its reach is impressive too. eharmony boasts having 10 million active users in the U.S. alone. With a dating pool of that magnitude, how could I go wrong?

As I enter my fifth year of widowhood, time is passing me by. But there’s a glimmer of hope. eharmony claims to have helped over 2 million couples find love, so maybe I could find my King Charming in their infinite database.

The Signup Process Includes a Smart Compatibility Quiz

The eharmony signup process is more thorough than most. It’s not just age, location, photo and done. It’s more about what you want and who you really are at your core. It’s a dating site with a side of psychological assessment, and that’s what makes the matching unique.

Answering the series of deep questions and completing the mandatory biometric facial verification system took me over an hour.

My takeaway was “Wow, they’re meticulous about security!” I’d never gone through a screening like this just to set up a dating profile. It shows just how much eharmony cares about getting it right.

A good chunk of time went into the proving-I’m-a-real-person process. If you’ve ever had the joy of doing live facial verifications before, you know how many times they’ll reject your picture if a hair on your head strays slightly out of frame.

I was giving a lot of information to eharmony (though not my weight, mercifully). But there were some shortcuts along the way. When I linked to my Facebook profile, it automatically uploaded my Facebook photo as my profile pic.

The intensive security measures made it seem more safety-aware and responsible than any other dating site I’ve ever visited.

But the real time-gobbler was the questionnaire. It included about 60 questions covering everything from my communication style to my conflict resolution skills.

eharmony broke the questions into manageable sections, and I took several breaks along the way. eharmony would hold my progress so I could finish it up later. I couldn’t skip any questions.

The multiple-choice questions included:

• Is it important that your belongings are always organized?
• Do you sleep with the window open?
• Do you like your physical appearance?
• What mantra do you live your life by? 

As you can see, a person’s answers can reveal volumes about who they are and what they value, and eharmony uses the responses to calculate compatibility ratings and a personality breakdown. That really helps users to make informed decisions about their dates.

The Price of Love: How Much eharmony Costs

I was delighted when I finally got inside the eharmony dating pool. Unlike other sites I’ve visited, this one welcomed me right in with a simple and uncomplicated design. I was ready to get to the business of dating.

About 20 profiles showed up on the Discover page. And I saw a link at the bottom to view more profiles. I was looking at many cute guys who were all nearby or in my area. But alas, there would be no honey without money.

As a free member, I could see some pictures of (presumably) bachelors waiting to meet me, but I couldn’t do much more until I signed up for a premium membership. All communication is behind a paywall.

eharmony offered tempting 50%-off rates ranging from $18.95 to $21.95 per month.

These discounted rates are only available for the first month of membership. After that, you’re looking at $40 a month at least.

I still see this as a great deal, given how organized, security-minded, and quality-driven the dating pool is.

At that point, I would’ve rated the site 4 out of 5 stars. But looking around the internet at other reviews, I saw ratings as low as 1 star.

So what’s the catch? Why do people have negative things to say?

First of all, the paid plans put a cap on the number of matches you can message. The cheapest plan allows for messaging 15 people in a month, the next tier is 30 profiles a month, and only the most expensive plan offers unlimited messaging.

The most common complaint is about how the subscription model works. eharmony requires a minimum six-month commitment, and all plans auto-renew. Angry clients claim that customer service is terrible when it comes to canceling subscriptions or removing unexpected charges.

I haven’t encountered any such hiccups. I’ve been enjoying the ride peacefully, and I have no intentions of canceling.

My Experience on eharmony

I will say it was a relief to have an upgraded membership. Maybe that’s how the powers that be want you to feel… hungry for more tools and options. I sure was! I cheerfully embarked on my eharmony adventure, expecting a full array of dateable men.

I liked that I could clearly see a guy’s habits, passions, pleasures, and, of course, geography in the eharmony dating profile.

As I explored the platform, I appreciated the user-friendly interface. The site’s design made it easy to navigate without feeling overwhelmed. There are only five tabs: Discover, Likes, Messages, Visitors, and Favorites. Simple as that.

I also want to mention that while I focused on looking for straight men in my age group (over 65), the site itself is inclusive of absolutely everyone. 

The gender options included nonbinary people, and I could’ve chosen to view all genders in one go. That reflects my social values and makes me feel more comfortable here.

Profile Assessment

I saw a full display of profiles. They were all in the right age range, most had made an effort to look their best, and most had carefully thought out answers in their profiles. 

That lengthy registration and compatibility questionnaire showed its best purpose here. I could read about accomplishments, careers, habits, and hobbies. I could see at a glance how they spend their free time and how extroverted or introverted they are. The personalities really came through!

This was so much better than other sites where everyone starts to look the same and important info (kids, religion, political beliefs, etc.) is often missing. 

The typical user looked like a regular man over 60, presentable but not like a model.

When I first signed up, someone messaged me to say that I was beautiful. But when I clicked on the comment, I was directed to a page saying my profile hadn’t been cleared. It gave me links to user safety information. After that, I couldn’t find the comment or the guy.

You only get to move on to chatting, apparently, when your profiles match, AND you heart each other. A 69-year-old going by Johnson hearted me, but I didn’t return it.

I only had three profile views, so it was slim pickins’.

The Matching Algorithm and Compatibility Check

The most vaunted feature of eharmony is that it doesn’t just match demographics. Its profiles probe at a depth no other dating site ever reaches.

The match algorithm focuses on pairing people according to a scale that ranks their compatibility from 60 to 140. An odd metric, but okay! Here’s a sample of how I rated with an avid reader and tennis player named William.

Once you’re matched, the site offers a paragraph about your potential future with the person. You haven’t talked to them yet, but the compatibility information lets you know your sense of humor is similar or that you have the same family values.

Compatible or not, William lives 150 miles away from me. That’s a bit of a drive for a first date! I wouldn’t do it, and, call me cynical, but I’d find it creepy if someone were eager to drive three hours for a total stranger.

I Was Geographically Challenged

I really liked that I can specify my dating radius on eharmony. This allows me to screen out people who live too far away to be realistic matches.

It makes sense to focus on dates in your area, so you can see each other regularly without major inconveniences. This is especially important for busy working people, single parents with kids at home, and older people — in other words, almost all of us.

When I began counting, I realized there were only three gentlemen within 50 miles of me on eharmony!

All the rest were 60 to 100 miles away, and they had all set limits on how far they were willing to drive for a date.

I browsed further. I was being shown page after page of men, all of whom were at least 60 miles away.

I did, in fact, see a nice-looking man with a profile that aligned with mine. He was in a major city 100 miles away, and he’d listed his distance preference as under 50 miles. Shoot!

I wrote him a short message, just in case. I said, “I know we’re a bit further apart than ideal, but we seem to share a lot in common.” 

I wasn’t expecting him to answer. And he didn’t. I can’t blame him.

I actually never heard back from anyone I messaged over the course of three weeks. Here is my sad, empty mailbox.

Finally, following eharmony’s advice, I filled out another form. It narrowed my date preferences, asking about my religious beliefs, whether I had kids, and so on. In seconds, my entire pool of potential mates shrank to eight profiles, all of them new to me.

Again, most were “in my area,” but a long road trip away. Strangely, three of them didn’t have photos on their profiles. How did those special flowers escape the infernal hand of facial recognition?

While I was unable to find any actual dates, I’m not discouraged. It’s only been three weeks, and I feel like I’d need to put more time into the site to make a judgment. The membership goes for six months, after all.

Looking for a real partner takes time and focus. Knowing that eharmony is serious about sparking long-term relationships would keep me hoping and trying for at least a year.

Pros & Cons

Ultimately, whether eharmony is worth the investment depends on your individual priorities and relationship goals.

If you’re seeking a serious commitment and are willing to invest time and money into the process, eharmony’s in-depth approach may be a valuable tool in your quest for love. I’ll go through the upsides and downsides to consider.

If you’re looking for a more casual, budget-friendly dating experience, you might find better luck (and more local options) on Tinder or AdultFriendFinder. 

As with any online dating endeavor, it’s crucial to approach eharmony with a healthy dose of realism, an open mind, and a willingness to put in the effort required to build meaningful connections.

Is eharmony Worth the Hype (and the Price)?

After enduring eharmony’s signup, braving the subscription sticker shock, and investigating the (very few) local profiles, I came away with a more nuanced perspective of this iconic dating site.  

I recommend seeing it as an experiment, budgeting mindfully, and then jumping in if you have the disposable income and the desire for marriage.

This site is about finding The One. That means emotional compatibility ranks as more important than sexual compatibility.

In the end, my eharmony experience left me with a greater appreciation for how difficult dating is, at any age. It also gave me a tiny itch to keep scrolling, in case I was missing out on any cute guys. 

I haven’t seen many dating sites that prioritize kindness and emotional intelligence the way eharmony does. I respect that.

Yes, I expect people are disappointed they can’t just find true love in a few weeks or months, but I know from experience that it’s better to try a dating site, however unsuccessful, rather than resign yourself to a life of loneliness. Taking chances is what dating is all about.