It’s 1 AM. An ungodly hour some might say, and you just checked your phone to see a “You up?” text across your screen, which can only mean one thing… a booty call.
It’s important to understand what a booty call is because you don’t want to get your signals crossed when romance comes calling…or texting.
Let’s get straight to the point –– what is a booty call?
A booty call is an invitation for a casual, no-strings-attached sexual encounter, often initiated late at night.
A college friend of mine had a booty call that she said was exactly what she needed at that time in her life — especially on those lonely Friday nights. Booty calls are usually out of the blue and sent between acquaintances or friends with benefits for immediate gratification rather than an emotional connection. It’s a nice way to fulfill your sexual appetite without the pressure of any commitment.
Booty calls are convenient, chill, and, of course, very entertaining — and no, I’m not referring to the 1997 film starring Jamie Foxx. In this article, I’ll explore booty calls and their impacts on relationships and singles’ dating lives.
Defining a Booty Call
Let’s get one thing straight — a booty call has no romantic implications. It’s focused on physical intimacy, and there is minimal communication outside the encounter. This is how people keep things less messy and avoid any emotional attachments.
The Traditional Way It Works
A booty call doesn’t require too much effort. It’s just a phone call away — literally! Historically, a booty call has always been a late-night phone call or text with the sole purpose of serving singles’ sexual appetites.
It’s not a situation where you have to be vulnerable or put yourself out there emotionally. I think the infamous playboy Barney Stinson from “How I Met Your Mother” explained it best:
At the end of the day, booty calls are straightforward asks for sex, and not a lot of talking needs to be done to get the message across.
Modern-Day Context
I think it’s safe to say booty calls have changed the way modern singles connect online and text. While booty calls may have been shunned or only limited to men initiating them decades ago, it’s not that way now. Anyone can initiate a booty call, and it’s easy to do so, thanks to dating apps and social media.
A booty call looked different for different generations. It used to be a landline phone call, but now it could be a simple “u up?” text message.
The concept of a booty call might be less appealing to Baby Boomers who dated at a time when casual sex was hardly the norm. But younger daters don’t bat an eye. Gen Zers like me grew up in an era where hookup culture was normal and even expected in a lot of interactions. It’s just what we’re used to, so a booty call is not a big deal.
I wouldn’t blame you if you thought situationships and a booty call were the same thing, but they’re not. They are both casual relationship dynamics, but they differ in emotional involvement and what’s expected.
Singles oftentimes can eventually catch feelings with a situationship because their intimate dates are more frequent. Some sort of relationship exists — that’s the “ship” part. A booty call is not a relationship. It is a straightforward hookup and mostly about no-strings sex that night.
The Rise of Sexting
Sexting started in the late 1990s and has skyrocketed since the advent of the smartphone. Social media platforms like Snapchat have a disappearing messaging feature that helped singles feel more comfortable participating in sexting. Hence, making it even easier for singles to engage in casual sexual encounters remotely.
Booty calls often are initiated after two people exchange spicy text messages indicating they’re down to…well, you know. Whether that’s through a dating app like Tinder or a social media platform like Instagram, sliding into someone’s DMs no longer has to be PG.
Psychological and Emotional Aspects
Casual dating is not anything new for singles today. As mentioned before, platforms like Tinder and Snapchat are designed for instant, non-committal interactions. And that has significantly impacted how singles view and participate in dating.
Emotional Disconnect and Casual Sex
Many psychological factors drive individuals to engage in booty calls, such as their desire for pleasure or avoidance of emotional intimacy. It can be a great outlet for people who are looking for temporary satisfaction, but it can result in emotional detachment.
The impact of emotional detachment can go as far as how you view your self-worth, understand your emotions (both good and bad), and ultimately put a strain on your mental health.
Emotional disconnection and casual dating go hand in hand. Singles who experience emotional numbness often suffer from connecting with others, which may be fitting for a booty call but may hurt future relationships from progressing.
Commitment Phobia
Repeated engagement in booty calls may affect one’s views on romance and long-term relationships. Their perception of commitment and even marriage may not look so appealing after a while. In other words, commitment phobia can certainly be an outcome of a booty call.
Commitment phobia is a real thing that isn’t something that people should overlook. Oftentimes, people try to ignore their fear of commitment and jump into relationships that eventually end as a result.
Hurt Feelings & Broken Hearts
The idea that both participants in a booty call are immune from emotional involvement or complications is far from the truth. Things can get pretty ugly if a booty call goes sideways. While booty calls are meant to have little to no emotions to avoid complications, sometimes that’s not how things turn out.
Feelings can be hurt when one party desires something more than just a physical connection. It turns into a sticky situation where people have to redefine their booty call relationship or, worst-case scenario, leave someone with a broken heart.
The Pros and Cons of Booty Calls
I think we can all agree that booty calls sound fun and exciting. But the truth is that everything has its fair share of ups and downs — and yep, that includes a booty call. Learning the cons and pros of booty calls can help you gauge your interest and move forward.
Pro: Personal Freedom and Independence
For those seeking physical intimacy without emotional commitment, booty calls can offer a sense of autonomy and liberation. Something that some singles feel like they don’t have in a traditional romantic relationship.
There’s nothing more sexually liberating than initiating a booty call when you’re in the mood. Simply because they create an enjoyable experience that prioritizes individual well-being and exploration, with no need to worry about any judgment.
Con: Meaningless Connections
If you’re anything like me, you don’t like it when things come to an end. Whether that’s a good book, a new TV show, or even a reliable booty call. This is a big con with booty calls, they offer little emotional support, and in the end, is a meaningless connection that is meant to end.
People who engage in a booty call in hopes of finding a deeper connection often end up feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Although there can be moments where it feels like the dynamic y’all created can go elsewhere, feelings with a booty call rarely form a genuine emotional bond. Because at the end of the day, a booty call is just a physical connection, nothing more and nothing less.
Pro: Sexual Exploration
Singles may feel more inclined to explore their sexual desires with a booty call. Because why not? It’s not like you have to see the person every day or any other day after the night if you don’t want to.
Booty calls don’t have the constraints of traditional relationship dynamics, which makes more room for exploration in the bedroom.
Con: Health Risks
Safe sex practices are crucial during a booty call. Not only will it help you avoid unwanted pregnancies but any health issues down the line as well. Casual encounters and having more than one sexual partner at a time may increase the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STI) without the proper precautions.
There’s nothing wrong with having fun, but do so safely. It’s encouraged for singles who are engaging in casual sex with different partners to get tested every three to six months.
Pro: Anyone Can Initiate – No Gendered Rules
There’s no longer any gender rules when it comes to initiating a booty call — and it’s about damn time. There’s been a shift in power dynamics regarding who is the decider in sexual encounters. Women aren’t expected to wait by the phone anymore, and men don’t have to face the pressure alone of initiating a booty call.
Con: Miscommunications & Drama
Just like any relationship, platonic or not, there can be some communication issues with a booty call. It happens. Couples may not be on the same page as far as their expectations of the relationship and from their partner. It’s important to nip this in the bud early in the relationship to avoid any confusion down the line.
And it’s crucial to be open about other sexual partners you may have. With booty calls being a noncommittal relationship, oftentimes, people feel as though they don’t need to be vulnerable and open about other partners. But it’s a courtesy thing to share so that everyone feels comfortable and stops any potential drama that can form.
Tips for Healthy Encounters
Transitioning from a casual to a committed relationship is tricky. So is maintaining a casual dating life. But there are some tips to consider that can help you along the way.
Set Boundaries
From the very beginning, you should establish what your boundaries are with your booty call and vice versa. You should be on the same page with everything with your booty call. From when to call and where to meet up should be discussed.
Some people even go as far as to discuss how they should behave in public and around each other’s friends. Things turn out sloppy and just chaotic if these boundaries aren’t set.
Recognize When It’s Time for More
It may not be on the top of your “to-do” list when you invite a booty call over, but you should look for signs that a booty call may be evolving into something more serious. Think about how you feel when you’re around them, and ask yourself:
- Do you want to spend more time with this person?
- Do you feel like you can talk to them about anything and be heard?
- Are you lonely and in need of companionship in your free time?
- Is there room in your life for a more serious commitment?
- Could the other person feel the same way? If they did, would that make you feel happy?
Don’t try to ignore your feelings or deny when a relationship is evolving. Feelings can be hidden, but the inner emotional trauma that is created can hurt future relationships.
I know a friend of mine who didn’t want to acknowledge the true feelings she had with her booty call because she didn’t want to “mess things up.” She ended up hurt and closed off afterward. Whereas if she had expressed how she felt earlier on, maybe she could have avoided such pain.
Build & Reinforce Mutual Respect
A lot of people ask, “Can booty calls be part of a healthy, balanced lifestyle?” I like to think so. It’s all about finding the right balance that works best for you. This usually includes scheduling and ensuring that there’s mutual respect for each other’s boundaries and time.
Casual sex should remain consensual, safe, and respectful at all times. To ensure this happens, do check-ins with each other and make sure you’re always keeping the other person’s comfort at the forefront. And it’s ok if things switch up. If you’re once comfortable with something, and then it changes — that’s OK! Just let them know.
End Things Amicably
Not every breakup has to be dramatic and a sob story. You can end a booty-call relationship peacefully. Sometimes people end a booty call because they’re looking for something more serious or they’re no longer interested.
Regardless of the reason, know when to walk away and ensure that you do so respectfully by letting the person know why.
Booty Calls Continue to Excite Singles
Booty calls have significantly influenced modern dating and the relationship culture we all know and see today. Whether you’re a fan or not, booty calls are a regular practice and have paved the way for casual encounters to be more accepted. And as I see it — it is not going anywhere.
Singles are now challenged in the best possible way to set their boundaries and take charge of their sex lives. While casual sex offers temporary satisfaction and fun, it’s important to communicate your needs and still find mutual respect in all your casual encounters.
