Key Takeaways

Ever seen the shiny marketing campaigns on the subway or even just on social media? One message rings especially loud: We’re here for women.

From Bumble’s “Make the First Move” ethos to a new Flure, a new (and sex-positive dating app) that claims to run on women’s safety first, the dating industry is aiming to build spaces where women are empowered, safe, and in control. 

But is it, actually? Here’s the uncomfortable truth: Despite the branding, most dating apps still fail to prioritize women’s real needs in real, meaningful ways.

According to a recent Dating News survey, single women are still especially cautious when agreeing to date and meet someone they’ve met online or through an app, and 88% are somewhat or very concerned about their safety.

The gap between a woman messaging someone on an app and the (often negative) lived dating experience they have is too big to ignore. Sure, the dating industry uses women’s safety, their ability to control initial conversations with matches and even the overall user experience to get more women interested in online dating.

But does it matter if, in the end, they’re not truly feeling safe and empowered anyway? 

Until the dating industry can acknowledge the disconnect — and make real, systemic changes — many platforms should take note not to take credit for feminism-lite aesthetics while many women continue to shoulder the emotional and digital labor of keeping themselves safe.

Take Bumble, for example — a brand that has become synonymous with “female-first” dating. When it launched in 2014, Bumble’s premise was radical: Only women could initiate conversation in heterosexual matches. It was a direct response to the barrage of unsolicited messages women often receive on platforms like Tinder, Pure and other dating sites.

And to its credit, this feature did offer a refreshing alternative. But nearly a decade later, the rest of Bumble’s user experience hasn’t necessarily caught up with its own headline promise — not in the way it should, at least.

On April 23, Rolling Stone reported that Bumble is matching users with people they’ve already blocked. Yes, blocked. If women, or anyone for that matter, blocks someone, shouldn’t they have the same say on whether to unblock them?

According to the investigation, multiple users, including survivors of stalking and abuse, have been rematched with individuals they had deliberately blocked for safety reasons. 

The app’s response? A vague reference to a “technical issue” and a promise to look into it.

But for us women, this is more than a glitch. It’s a glaring sign that user safety is not being taken as seriously as it should, even if it was an accident. Blocking someone should be a digital deadbolt — one that any woman can make or reverse at any time they see fit — not a temporary suggestion. 

When that function fails, it sends a chilling message: the app’s algorithmic priorities (Think: engagement, match numbers, retention) may matter more to us in the dating industry than a woman’s safety or peace of mind.

Do Community Guidelines Do Anything?

Almost every major dating platform has a long list of community guidelines that prohibit harassment, abuse, and hate speech. But in practice, the enforcement of it is wildly inconsistent. 

According to one study, women are still regularly reporting threats, unsolicited explicit content, and doxxing to the apps of their choice, only to be met with automated responses or no follow-up at all.

Take the case of Tinder, still one of the top-of-the-top in the industry. Despite adding safety features like photo verification and even a panic button, the platform has been notoriously slow to respond to reports of abuse. 

It’s not going unnoticed, either. Big publications like The Guardian and ProPublica both published investigations showing how reports of sexual assault were often met with radio silence or, worse, with users being gaslit into thinking they’d misunderstood what happened.

It’s telling, too, that the most popular safety strategies for women on dating apps are user-created. Women have long relied on group chats to share profiles of creepy or dangerous men. Some have even created Instagram or TikTok accounts to crowdsource warnings about serial offenders.

Apps may offer “block and report” buttons, but women still bear the emotional load of policing their own experiences.

This culture of self-protection creates a kind of vigilance fatigue. How do you “relax and enjoy the process” of dating when every swipe could potentially connect you with someone you’ll need to vet, Google, and possibly warn others about? 

For every new safety tool launched, there seem to be 10 times as many users frustrated by how little those tools actually do when it counts. True safety isn’t just about preventing the worst-case scenario, it’s about building systems that let women engage without constantly being on edge.

As an industry, we can do better. Women’s experiences on dating apps are not edge cases; they’re often data points in a broader pattern of underprotection. As dating industry experts, though, it’s literally our jobs to make sure that safety is really (and truly!) a priority.

After all, if we are selling a great dating experience, we should do everything we can to make that happen, in and out of the app. 

Where Some Apps Are Already Getting It Right

Not every platform misses the mark completely, though. There are smaller apps that take safety more seriously. In my opinion, this is often because they were built with more community-oriented values from the start.

Personal favorites of mine, apps such as Lex, focus on queer communities. Then there is my most-used dating app Feeld, which encourages open communication around consent and boundaries. Both have a truly inclusive design that is about identity, intention, and safety — and when you block someone, they stay blocked.

Other apps have experimented with better ways to moderate user behavior, too. Hinge’s “We Met” feature asks users how their dates went, providing feedback that could be used to improve safety and experience.

While this is a step in the right direction, it isn’t perfect — users don’t know what Hinge does with that feedback or if it actually leads to consequences for bad actors.

How can we make the best-intentioned features mean more? The answer is strong, intentional follow-through.

A better future requires structural change

What else can we do? Well, if dating apps truly want to be “for women,” they need to start by not just saying it, but doing it. Rebuild trust! That means systemic change, not just new features or PR campaigns.

First, especially after the Bumble blocking news, we all need to make blocking absolute. If a dating app user blocks someone, they should never appear again — not in swipes, not in mutual friends, not in algorithmic suggestions. Period.

Next, we should focus on real, human moderation. Especially when it comes to safety issues. AI and automation have their place, but IRL, they cannot replace empathy, context, or judgment. As dating platforms, let’s invest in teams that can respond quickly and meaningfully to safety reports.

Third, I am a firm believer that there should be transparency around consequences. If someone is reported for harassment or abuse, users should be told what actions were taken (and why!) Anonymized summaries, even, would go a long way in showing women, and users of all genders, that the system works.

Another thing we could all do better? Try to collaborate with advocacy groups. Organizations that work on issues like gender-based violence and digital rights already have the knowledge needed to make these platforms safer. Bring them in. Pay them. Listen.

And finally, let’s rethink the metrics. As long as the success of a dating app is measured in match volume and daily engagement, women’s safety will always be an afterthought. Instead, redesigning algorithms to value quality interactions, not just quantity, can shift everyone’s dating experiences in a healthier direction.

Yes, dating is messy. Yes, no app can prevent every bad experience. But that doesn’t mean that we, as dating industry experts, can’t be the ones to help prevent some.

The digital dating world is growing up. It’s time that our platforms that power it do, too.