Key Takeaways

On a first date recently, amid eating crudo and sipping dirty martinis, she smiled and said, “Sorry it took so long to plan this, I have a lot of options lined up on the apps.” 

I smiled back because I found it refreshing to hear a date be so honest. But afterward, it also got me thinking: Why couldn’t the dating app tell me that?

Why Modern Dating Apps Can Be Frustrating

It’s no secret that for many online daters, the process can be, well… frustrating. 

Dating app users send a message — maybe they choose their best one-liner or spend a few minutes really studying the other person’s bio to craft the hopefully perfect opening — and then… radio silence. 

Or maybe you end up hearing back, but months or weeks, down the line.

Sure, many users’ matches could be busy, or maybe they just haven’t seen it yet. But for active dating app users, the thoughts can spiral in the in-between. 

What if there’s another reason? What if they’re chatting with dozens of other people? How many other options do they have? 

In the digital age of swipes, matches, and endless profiles, Tinder users, especially, can find it hard to know where they stand.

And sure, apps like Tinder offer a few ways to communicate with folks, but many of the most popular dating apps don’t offer much clarity when it comes to how much attention a user is giving you versus everyone else. 

There’s a lot of guesswork involved. Do they just need time to respond, or have they moved on to someone else? Are they replying to messages because they’re invested, or because it’s just a quick task they’re checking off between chats?

Transparency: A Radical But Honest Solution

But what if it didn’t have to be that way? What if users of the app could actually get some real insight into how many conversations their matches are juggling? 

Enter a maybe radical, but helpful idea: Let Tinder users (or even platforms like Hinge, Feeld and even Bumble) see how many chats their matches have open.

A seemingly simple change, this could not only transform how users approach online dating, but how they feel about it, too. 

According to one study, the compulsive use of online dating apps is associated with higher reports of feeling joviality, sadness, and overwhelming anxiety. 

If you’re swiping to meet the love of your life and then finally match, only to get no response, I am sure it’s easy for these negative feelings to be exacerbated. 

Many users might find themselves constantly refreshing their messages, hoping for a reply, unsure whether the silence means disinterest or just a busy schedule. 

This is where a simple, transparent feature could make all the difference.

Make More Genuine Connections

We also know that dating app users are looking for different things: finding the love of their life, the love of that night or even a FWB situation. 

But no matter what they’re looking for, with this feature’s information in hand, they could be even more confident (and fulfilled) in their connections. 

Knowing that their match is focusing on a few key conversations, rather than having a dozen ongoing chats, might feel like a breath of fresh air, or at least let them know they’re not the only one in line.

Plus, it could open the door to more honesty all around. When we have more transparency, we’re less likely to jump to conclusions or feel like we’re being overlooked. 

If a match is juggling a lot of conversations, they might feel more comfortable letting them know that, which could set the stage for more honest, open dialogue. 

And for those who prefer fewer distractions, they could take a step back, reduce the number of active chats they have, and focus on building deeper connections.

If users felt more in the loop on their matches, it could potentially reduce the doom-scrolling anxiety and even build trust — both between users and with the platforms themselves. 

Rather than daydreaming about ditching apps for a meet-cute, they’d return to the apps again and again — or, in the spirit of Hinge, meet a match so great that they delete the app altogether.

Just imagine how different the user experience would be if, instead of playing the guessing game, users could know. It can help users decide on their level of investment in the conversation, for example. 

If a match had 20 conversations going on at once, one could read between the lines. 

It doesn’t necessarily mean those with a lot of interest aren’t invested, but it does put things into perspective about how invested a user might want to be themselves.

If Tinder, or other apps for that matter, prioritized showing how many active chats a person has, chances are, a user’s dating anxiety could lessen simply because they’ve got realistic expectations. 

If they only have a couple of chats going, it might indicate a deeper level of interest and vice versa. The key, though, is that this kind of transparency doesn’t make anyone feel like they’re just another face in the crowd. 

It just gives them the context they need to lull the dating blues or worries.

Plus, this feature could even shift how a user chooses to integrate online dating apps into their lives in a positive way. 

For example, folks might be more likely to engage meaningfully with fewer matches, knowing that they’re not just one of many people someone is talking to. 

This could lead to more genuine conversations, which, in turn, could also lead to stronger connections.

And did anyone say burnout? According to one Forbes Health study, 78% of dating app users say they have also felt “emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted” by the experience. 

In my humble opinion, though, giving users this almost taboo, fly-on-the-wall insight will actually help to reduce some of the digital dating fatigue. 

With fewer ambiguous interactions and more understanding of the dynamics at play, I’m sure frequent users would feel more in control of their experience, and less like they’re caught in an endless cycle of missed connections.

The Benefit to Dating Apps: Building Trust & Improving Experience

But let’s not forget the benefits for dating apps, themselves! Platforms like Tinder thrive when the users who swipe and match are engaged in actually continuing to use the app. 

If you give the people what they want — AKA giving all the dirty deets of their matches inbox — they’d probably feel more invested in coming back for more. 

It means more meaningful exchanges, fewer frustrations, and ultimately, a higher chance of success for the industry and the user.

Here’s the thing: transparency has always gone a long way in building trust — and if we’re in the business of relationship-building, it’s kind of a must-have. 

As an industry, we should try to veer away from the feeling that dating apps are simply transactional — which has been proven to be the overarching feedback from folks who use them.

Instead, we should turn to building new (and free to every user) features like this one that are clear, helpful and make for a great foundation between the app and the users, too.

Let’s not underestimate the power of understanding and knowledge — after all, it can lead to better dating experiences, helping users know what they truly want, and maybe even more importantly, what they don’t.

In the end, dating apps are all about connecting people. If a simple tweak like this can make that process smoother, sexier, and of course, more fun, then isn’t it worth considering?