The Scoop: Personality tests are useful tools for self-growth. Turns out matchmakers find them pretty useful, too. We talked to Select Personal Introductions executive matchmaker Alex Mellor-Brook about his agency, its in-depth approach, and why it’s so important every client gets hands-on attention.
There was a week in my freshman year of college when my roommate was super into personality tests. Naturally, that meant there was a week in college when I was super into personality tests, too.
I would get a link texted to me at some point throughout the day, and when I would return to the dorm, a friendly reminder to complete the test would come soon after my arrival. I took all the major ones– Big 5, Myers-Briggs, and, of course, the Enneagram.
After the completion of each, I sent the report to my roommate, and she would send me hers. We, as most freshman college roommates do, had a complicated relationship. But taking the personality tests and sharing them with each other was probably one of the best things we did.
That and having a candid conversation about the amount of hair in our sink’s drain (neither of us was blameless).
My only personality test regret is that they weren’t part of the roommate vetting process. Could’ve saved both of us a lot of drama. Personality tests are useful tools for understanding ourselves and others. When they’re applied the right way, personality tests can be invaluable additions to your dating toolkit.
Select Personal Introductions is an exclusive dating and matchmaking service that’s taking a multidimensional approach– that includes the Enneagram– to connect serious singles for committed relationships.
We talked to Alex Mellor-Brook, co-founder, accredited dating and relationship expert, and executive matchmaker for Select Personal Introductions, about matchmaking, online dating, personality tests, and what sets his service apart. The agency has been in the game for over 27 years, which means they’ve seen almost every change online dating has brought about.
The service watched online dating move from the fringes to categorically mainstream, along with all the transformations that rocked the dating world in its wake. Dating is different now. Select Personal Introductions is keeping up.
“People are anxious about dating right now,” Alex said. “A lot of people’s dating pools have gotten smaller and it affects your social skills. It’s making dating harder.”
A Tried-and-True Matchmaking Method
Along with being the executive matchmaker for Select Personal Introductions, Alex is a Certified Matchmaker and Dating Expert. He decided to create the service after he and his wife, Maxine, realized there was a gap in the matchmaking scene.
“My wife worked for a national company within the U.K. and she had worked for them for years,” Alex said. “Then we got married, went on a honeymoon, and we’d spoken about going into matchmaking before, but it was only after the honeymoon that my wife came back to me with a question.”
Just a week after the honeymoon, Maxine asked Alex, “Should we do this?” That’s all it took to convince Alex. Select Personal Introductions was founded right off the back end of Alex and Maxine’s honeymoon, in 1997.
From the beginning, Alex and the team have taken a holistic approach to matchmaking. They get to know you personally. They learn about what you’re looking for in a relationship, your past experiences, lifestyle, and career, among other things.
The more information you share with your matchmaker, the better your matchmaker will be at making matches you feel compatible with.
Most matchmaking agencies use some kind of process to learn more about you and what you’re looking for. But not all the processes go to the same level of depth. A matchmaker is like your guide and partner in your dating journey. It’s essential that your matchmaker understands you deeper than the surface level.
You have to feel comfortable opening up to your matchmaker. Be honest about your past relationships, where they went wrong, and where they flourished. Most importantly, you need to be comfortable telling them what you want. That means being upfront about children, your career, and your lifestyle from the start.
If you don’t feel like a matchmaker understands essential aspects of who you are and the kind of partnership you’re looking for, it’s time to move along. There’s no room for half-truths in the matchmaking process.
All Select Personal Introductions matchmaking clients take the Enneagram. If you haven’t heard of it, you probably weren’t on TikTok during the pandemic.
The Enneagram has been super popular lately, but that doesn’t mean it’s new. It’s actually been around since at least the 1950s, and Select Personal Introductions has been using it since the company started.
The test has so much to share about people’s personalities, specifically in relationships. It’s like gold to matchmakers. “The Enneagram is one of the things that helps us understand how people see the world, their relationships– themselves,” Alex said.
Combining Introductions & the Enneagram
Before I started writing about the dating industry, I didn’t know that much about matchmaking. I, like many people, held a bit of a fairytale concept of an all-knowing, well-connected romance expert hand-selecting the perfect partner.
A great matchmaker could definitely be described as a well-connected romance expert, but the magic of matchmaking happens well before the first introduction. Your matchmaker is only as good as the information they have to use.
The Select Personal Introductions process begins with a one-on-one with a matchmaker. They’ll ask you a ton of different questions– be ready to get personal. These are going to be questions about your past relationships, current situation, and what your future could look like.
The Enneagram is one of the tools the Select Personal Introductions team uses. Nine personality types are arranged in a figure called the enneagram. After you take the test you get a personality type that positions you on the enneagram.
For example, I’m Enneagram Type 2, also known as the Helper. Part of what makes the Enneagram so useful for matchmakers like Alex is how in-depth it is. “It looks at nine personality types, and examines over 200 compatibility factors” Alex said.
The Enneagram doesn’t just tell Alex and his team about you. It gives them a blueprint of characteristics to search for in a potential partner. It also shows them your blindspots, which, as painful as it can be, have to be dealt with when you’re dating.
One of the most common blind spots Alex sees is closed-mindedness. “It takes years to build a relationship,” Alex said. “I’m a very science-based kind of coach and matchmaker, and sometimes clients tell me about these strict practices they bring to dating.”
Alex said these strict practices usually only end up holding people back. He’s had people tell him they know when somebody isn’t for them within the first few seconds of meeting them, or just from a photograph alone.
Part of Alex’s role in the matchmaking journey is to help clients change their approach. Dating goes best when you enter with an open heart and mind, untethered to negative habits or experiences. With the help of a professional like Alex, you can investigate your past relationship mistakes and forge a more closely connected future.
Matchmaking in the Modern Era
Online dating has changed nearly everything we know about dating. It’s changed matchmaking, too. Matchmaking is a service for serious daters– you shouldn’t pursue matchmaking unless you know you’re ready for commitment. Online dating isn’t so strictly serious.
“Dating is diverse right now,” Alex said. “You have all kinds of different people wanting all kinds of different things.”
Alex said matchmaking is for people ready for the real thing. Dating apps are such fast-paced environments it can feel impossible to find something serious. Everybody turns to online dating with slightly different expectations. Managing all of them is a handful.
Nobody’s forcing users to be upfront about their relationship expectations. That means it’s largely left up to you to find out. You have to match, message, and sometimes even go on a date, to find out if they’re looking for the same kind of relationship you are.
“A lot of people on apps have short-term dating goals,” Alex said. “People with long-term goals need to realize that even if a person is perfect for them, if they don’t have shared goals, it’s not going to work.”
Select Personal Introductions is for singles who not only have long-term goals, but are serious about achieving them. “We filter our clients right off the bat to make sure they want a long-term commitment,” Alex said. “If they don’t, it’s not going to work.”
