Key Takeaways
- Dating apps that require identity labels risk alienating queer daters who prefer a fluid and inclusive approach to self-identity.
- Appearance and labels are not as important to modern daters of all identities than dating apps may think, as 80% of respondents felt attracted by vibe alone.
- Queer daters prioritize authenticity, and are more likely to embrace apps that acknowledge label fatigue and innovate to address it.
Of the 14,000 people surveyed for Hinge’s 3rd annual LGBTQIA+ D.A.T.E. report, Love Beyond Labels, 48% of queer daters reported feeling frustrated by labels.
This experience, which Hinge dubbed “label fatigue,” suggests young daters are ready to kick labels to the curb. Letting go of labels may be freeing for these daters, but it poses a new challenge for dating apps.
Hinge’s D.A.T.E. report — which stands for data, advice, trends, and expertise — is backed up by real scientific research conducted by Hinge Labs, a group of PhD researchers, scientists, and dating experts. One of these experts, LMFT Moe Ari Brown, said fluid identities are the future of dating.
“Whether they’re exploring new labels, challenging old assumptions, or prioritizing emotional connection over fixed ‘types,’ one thing is clear: the future of dating is fluid, expansive, and entirely self-defined,” they said in the report.
By now, dating professionals know the score: Gen Z wants to make authentic connections, and they want these connections to stand the test of time. It’s no wonder Hinge’s survey respondents prefer a fluid approach to sexual and gender identities; doing so widens the pool of potential matches and encourages people to be their authentic selves.
Are Labels Necessary, or Obsolete?
With almost half of queer daters suffering from label fatigue, the obvious solution is to give online daters the option to use more flexible language when describing their identities, either through filters, tags, or prompts.
In fact, 37% of LGBTQIA+ daters want people to clarify their feelings about fluid identities on their dating profiles. This is especially important to 53% of non-binary daters and 59% of trans daters.
Vocabulary is important, according to Hinge; the app noted how Gen Z daters are 21% more likely than millennials to date outside of sexual and gender labels because they understand the vocabulary around gender, sex, and attraction.
But as any dating app developer could attest, “getting rid of labels” on apps is easier said than done.
After all, labels are often the basis of a dating app’s matchmaking process. It’s the most efficient way for users to quickly and easily define their strongest values and priorities to potential matches: “I’m Jewish.” “I’m a smoker.” “I want children.” “I’m gay.” “I’m straight.”
It could be argued that these labels, as restrictive as they may be, also help daters weed through matches until they find a good fit on paper. But sexuality and gender identity are far more nuanced concepts than whether or not someone is a smoker.
Adhering to these labels may make matchmaking easier for the app itself, but it may also suggest that an app isn’t aware of – or willing to adapt to – the rise of label-fluid dating.
Some Queer Daters Could Use Support Overcoming Binaries
People can’t help who they’re attracted to. For 80% of the LGBTQAI+ and straight daters surveyed by Hinge Labs, attraction was initiated by someone’s overall vibe, not necessarily by their gender expression.
When these daters discovered that the person they were attracted to did not identify with the gender expression they were usually attracted to, 33% considered asking them out anyway. But more than half of these daters (55%) decided not to go for it.
This is what Hinge identifies as a “gap between attraction and action.” Something is stopping people from acting on their romantic attraction to people of unexpected gender identities or expressions — but what?
Twenty five percent of those who were attracted to someone outside of their usual “label” feared rejection. Thirty four percent decided not to pursue the relationship because they were unsure of the dynamics of queer dating. And 50% doubted their feelings altogether, most likely because of the restrictive labels so many daters have grown to depend on.
As Hinge Labs found, these daters weren’t always attracted to stereotypical expressions of gender, but to confidence, humor, and energy — three qualities that, tellingly, cannot be restricted by sex or gender labels.
Addressing Label Fatigue Promotes Authenticity
With nearly half of these daters doubting their feelings, it’s clear that dating apps and dating professionals could do more to educate daters about the existence of labels, the typical dynamics of queer/LGBTQIA+ relationships, and how overcoming labels doesn’t have to be daunting.
Gender performance, nonbinary identities, the difference between gay and queer; Demystifying these concepts could weaken the labels that so often keep daters away from potentially fulfilling connections.
Apps or dating services that force clients to choose labels against their consent are setting them up for dating disappointment — and these apps are, in effect, sabotaging their own matchmaking efforts.
After all, Hinge’s report found that modern daters aren’t willing to present themselves in any way other than authentically. Just ask the 50% of LGBTQIA+ Hinge daters who reported feeling like they had to alter their appearance to be “more masc or femme” so they could attract someone.
More than half of those who made themselves appear more masc or more femme than they wanted went on to regret the decision, according to the report.
Clearly, apps that provide supportive materials for queer daters, and acknowledge fluid identities, go a long way to promoting the authenticity that today’s dating app users crave.
