The Scoop: Kat Spiwak started Dating Essentials, a Toronto-based dating, social skills, and relationship coaching business, to share her insights on love and relationships with singles who are struggling in the modern dating scene. Her extensive knowledgebase and heartfelt guidance can help her clients find greater enjoyment and success in the dating process. Over the past decade, she has become a trusted authority on matters of the heart. Looking to the future, Kat told us she wants to positively influence daters by championing high-integrity behaviors and resilient mindsets.

One of my guy friends takes pride in acting like a gentleman on a date. He insists on paying for the first date, and he always walks his date to her car or her front door when the night is over. So I was surprised when he texted me “I just bailed on my date. Nightmare.”

After a half-hour conversation, he’d told his date he had to go to the bathroom, and then he paid the bill for the table and left the restaurant without so much as a “Sorry, you’re not my type.” He’d also unmatched with her on Tinder on his way home, so she would have no way to confront him after she inevitably realized he wasn’t coming back.

What did this girl do to deserve such treatment? She talked about her ex. A lot. The final straw was when she said she should’ve gotten pregnant so her ex couldn’t leave her. She basically waved a red flag in my friend’s face. My friend made it sound like he had no options but to run as fast as he could from an emotionally unstable person, but doing so was hardly the most gentlemanly move.

Photo of Kat Spiwak, Founder of Dating Essentials

Kat Spiwak is a pragmatic and passionate dating coach based in Toronto.

Dating expert Kat Spiwak hears stories of questionable dating behavior all the time and said she’s troubled by the carelessness and disrespect in the fast-paced, swiping-crazed dating scene. In 2003, she founded Dating Essentials, a dating coaching practice in Toronto, to provide singles with a better way to make connections and bring positivity to the dating scene.

With a degree in psychology and sociology, Kat brings her knowledge of human nature and understanding of social dynamics to discussions about how to seek worthwhile relationships without treating people like they’re disposable.

Kat advises her clients in one-on-one sessions and emphasizes the upsides of dating with clear intentions and integrity. She encourages her clients to be confident, considerate, and courageous as they seek romantic partners. Kat said she also hopes to help singles become more resilient to rejection and disappointment because success comes more quickly to daters who can overcome adversity and maintain a positive attitude.

“Resilience is the ability to bounce back, take things in stride, and not let disappointment defeat you,” she said. “It’s essential for anyone who wants to date in modern times.”

How Maintaining a Positive Mindset Can Lead to Success

As its name indicates, Dating Essentials is on a mission to get to the root of dating troubles and provide foundational support to singles. Kat doesn’t just teach dating tactics — she teaches interpersonal skills and relationship principles.

Kat said many of her clients seek dating or relationship coaching because they feel like they’re out of options. They don’t know how to improve themselves or their experiences. She said she often notices her clients limited coping or stress-management skills, so a small problem can stop them in their tracks. They can become stuck in a negative cycle where they expect bad things to happen and drive potential dates away because they’re not truly open to love.

To correct these unhelpful dating habits, Kat addresses the pessimism and false beliefs behind them. She helps her clients to overcome insecurities and fear of rejection through mental resilience.

“I would like people to embrace the idea of resilience in dating and to understand how much it can change their lives, and maybe other coaches can see that as well and incorporate it into their work,” she said.

Photo of the Dating Essentials logo

Dating Essentials takes a holistic approach to dating by promoting mindful techniques and skills.

Kat’s motto is “the smarter way to lasting love” because she informs and empowers her clients to build fulfilling relationships by following tested, effective strategies. She starts with improving her client’s mindset — increasing their self-esteem and strengthening their resilience to failure — to help them become more successful in the dating world.

“I really believe that there is always something people can do to change their attitudes and increase their skill sets, which improves their results,” she said. “People who are successful at dating approach it with a positive attitude, an attitude of learning.”

What It Means to Date With Morality in Modern Times

Authenticity has become a buzzword in the dating industry in the last year. At a time when lying about your looks, income, and age is easier than ever, many dating experts, including Kat, urge singles to portray themselves authentically online and in person.

“I encourage people to be courageous and communicate openly and honestly with a date,” she said. “People much prefer honesty than being strung along. If we could treat people as we want to be treated, we could affect positive change.”

Kat said dating with integrity has become more important than ever as trends like ghosting and breadcrumbing create negative experiences and hurt feelings. People on the receiving end then often go on to treat others the same way, increasing distrust all around.

“We can be kinder to others — it just takes a little sensitivity.” — Kat Spiwak, CEO of Dating Essentials

As a dating coach, Kat’s mission is to impart vital dating and lifelong relationship skills so her clients develop greater clarity, confidence, and resilience going forward.

“Hopefully bringing more kindness into dating will impact the relationships we have with each other,” she said. “My goal in talking about dating with integrity is to help people break down those walls and create those connections they’ve been yearning for.”

Inspirational Success Stories Speak to Her Impact

Throughout her career, Kat has helped clients work through crippling social anxiety, self-defeatist attitudes, and heartbreaking experiences and prepared them to face the modern dating scene with balanced expectations and optimism. Her emphasis on personal development has yielded wonderful results, and she has many transformational success stories on her website.

Caroline P., a 34-year-old technical project manager in Toronto, said she felt nervous about dating again after her divorce because she didn’t have a lot of experience. She sought Kat’s advice so she could learn the basics and become more confident and successful.

“With your help, I learned to identify the kind of men who were right for me,” she wrote in a testimonial. “You also helped me clarify my dating goals.” Now Caroline has been happily remarried for 10 years and counting.

“Kat has amazing gut instincts. She’s able to quickly diagnose a problem and suggest ideas to overcome it.” — Mike A., a former client

At 40 years old, Jacklynn L. described herself as “dateless and doubtful,” but a few months of talking over her issues with Kat helped her improve her outlook and her love life.

“A big light went on,” she said. “I can honestly say I had one of those ‘wow’ moments that will help me to really let go and move on.” Now married for almost 12 years, Jacklynn has finally learned how to change her patterns and stop self-sabotaging.

These are just a sampling of hundreds of success stories from men and women of all walks of life. Kat’s insights have positively influenced the lives of countless individuals throughout North America.

“I do what I do because I care about people, and I really want to help people,” Kat told us. “I want to help them find greater happiness and love.”

Kat Focuses on Improving Attitudes to Get Results

When you’re actively dating, you’re bound to end up on a bad date every now and then. That just comes with the territory. However, these bad dates can also be a test of character. You have a choice to stand your ground and be honest with the person, or you can run away from that moment of truth and possibly cause more harm than good. Of course, one’s personal safety and well-being should always take a first priority.

My friend was right not to pursue a relationship with someone with so many red flags, but he didn’t have to take her dignity with him when he made his grand escape. Dating expert Kat Spiwak recommends considering courteous behavior and honest yet constructive conversations about bad dates because it gives people closure and helps them move forward. It also helps daters develop the communication skills they’ll need to eventually develop and sustain their romantic relationships.

Her focus as a dating coach is to help her clients make ethical decisions and take proactive steps to cultivate healthy relationships based on mutual respect. Her encouragement can also inspire daters to become more resilient in the face of heartbreak and learn from unpleasant experiences so they can maintain optimism and get to the good part more quickly.

“Dating is often more of a marathon than a sprint,” she told us. “It’s a process of growth and discovery that can eventually lead to the love of your life, and developing stronger personal management skills and greater optimism will definitely help.”