Is Someone Ready to Date After a Breakup? Their Dating App Behavior Can Offer Clues

We all know what a breakup looks like from the outside: there’s usually some crying, some wallowing, some sowing of wild oats, maybe a little covert social media stalking, and yes, sometimes we can’t help but indulge in a little retail therapy. 

Are these normal forms of breakup recovery? Sure. But research shows that breakup recovery is often more complicated than pints of ice cream and used tissues: 55% of respondents said a breakup affected their mental health more than other stressful events.

For dating coaches, matchmakers, and other professionals who work with singles, a newly single client may need more than help finding a new match. They may first need help figuring out how they feel about themselves, what they want from their next relationship, and whether they’re emotionally ready to start dating again.

And yet, we’re likely all guilty — even the pros — of urging clients to “just get back out there” before they’ve actually finished processing their split. Rushing a client into a relationship before they’re ready only guarantees one thing: Their discomfort — and maybe even their distrust. 

Dating.com’s resident therapist, Jaime Bronstein, told me that the way people behave during a breakup says a lot more about their emotional state than we might think, which is why she encourages dating professionals to pay close attention to their newly single clients. 

How has their behavior changed? Are they more social than usual, or are they isolating? Have they resurrected their Tinder profiles? “[Professionals] should observe a person's behavior and reactions in addition to listening to what they say,” she told me. 

Can Dating Apps Reveal When Singles Aren’t Ready?

If everyone requires a slightly different approach to breakup recovery, then professionals need to know what the recovery process might look like — especially on dating platforms. “There is an opportunity for dating platforms to improve the user experience based on the actual behavioral patterns they see from their users,” Bronstein said. 

The way we behave with everyday dating tools, like dating apps, can tell pros a lot about where we are in our breakup recovery. “The emotional damage caused by the breakup affects people when they are interacting with their new matches,” Bronstein explained. 

“The pace of messaging, changes to the profile, people they swipe right and left for are all a reflection of their current emotional state.” -Jaime Bronstein

Ghosting, for example, is a straightforward enough behavior to understand. As Bronstein puts it, ghosting can indicate that “real connection makes [a client] feel too emotional.” 

This can be especially common after a breakup. But then there are less obvious behaviors to watch out for. 

“The pace of messaging, changes to the profile, people they swipe right and left for are all a reflection of their current emotional state,” Bronstein advised. 

If our behavior on dating apps is really so telling, should platforms innovate to make the newly single more comfortable — and therefore more engaged? 

“Prompts asking users to consider their emotional state before they activate their profile or messaging features can be helpful,” Bronstein suggested. This could help singles ease back into dating with a better understanding of their emotions, setting them up for a more successful experience. 

And if an app user suddenly starts showing “patterns of rapid matching” on a dating app, that behavior could signal a change in their state of mind, giving platforms a new way to recognize and respond to what users are experiencing.

The Breakup Recovery Step Dating Pros Often Miss

It’s tempting to encourage a client to get back out there, especially when you can see their potential. But the most important lesson dating pros can take away from Dating.com’s survey is that recovery happens in its own time, and in its own way.  

“Professionals who consider a day of going back to dating apps as ‘day one’ are missing what actually is happening in that very delicate stage post-breakup,” Bronstein told me.

Grieving a relationship is a little like grieving a loved one: Just when you think you’re over it, it hits you like a ton of bricks. Case in point: 10% of Dating.com respondents said they still haven’t gotten over their last breakup, and 16% still haven’t returned to dating. 

Only 11% said they started dating again immediately after a breakup. Dating platforms and pros are probably asking themselves the same thing: Why do so many people delay dating after breakups? And how can the industry make the transition back into dating more comfortable? 

As Dating.com explained, “Moving on involves more than ending a relationship — it involves rebuilding the emotional confidence needed to start another one.” 

For dating professionals, this creates an opportunity to look beyond the next swipe or the next introduction and address the emotional and practical needs that can keep singles from fully reengaging with dating. 

How Can Dating Pros Foster Self-Worth?

It’s not enough for a dating professional to pick up on signs that their client is struggling mentally or emotionally with a breakup. They have to know how best to respond, too — and Dating.com makes it clear that breakup recovery often hinges on one’s sense of self-worth. 

For dating platforms, this could mean embracing messaging beyond “This is where you come to find dates.” Dating apps that offer breakup support with, say, guided journaling tools or mental health resources could be an undervalued path to connection for singles. 

How can you best motivate your client, and make them excited about dating again?

Dating professionals already help their clients with breakup support, usually in the form of counseling or talk therapy. How can you best motivate your client, and make them excited about dating again? This could mean demystifying rejection, teaching coping skills, and even helping your client understand themselves better.

Of course, a dating coach or matchmaker can help a client work through dating-related confidence issues, while recognizing when someone’s needs extend beyond their expertise and may call for support from a qualified mental-health professional.

Professionals who help clients rebuild their confidence can make a more meaningful impact — and help those clients feel ready to reenter the dating world.