Over the years, the perception of sex has significantly evolved. What was once a sacred act done between wife and husband is now a physical connection that doesn’t require any big commitments. For a lot of people like myself, culture and upbringing have a big influence on how you view sex.
Growing up in a Christian household, I was taught that sex was something private and reserved for marriage. Then I got to college, and I learned quickly that sex can be a lot more casual.
Casual sex is any sexual activity between two people who do not have any emotional or romantic commitments to one another.
Some people engage in casual sex to feel empowered or to fulfill a physical need. In Western society, casual sex has become more accepted, as long as it’s between consenting adults. And online dating makes finding partners who are down to clown with no commitments easier than ever. Let’s talk about how we got here and where we are going on this sex-positive journey.
Historical Overview of Casual Sex in Society
The concept of having sex outside of marriage may sound new, but it’s not –– casual sex has been around for a long time. The only difference is that now people are more open about it and not as afraid of making it known. In the past, people engaged in casual sex ran into different obstacles and were an affront to society’s view on proper dating.
The Olden Days
In Western culture, attitudes toward sex and sexuality have long been restrained, at best. This is particularly true in areas with a large amount of Christian influence, where premarital sex would lead to social ruin… for women only, of course. Men traditionally had much more leeway in terms of sleeping around.
However, despite what many believe, married sex was not considered taboo. Indeed, even the Puritans, stereotyped as one of the most sexually repressed groups of all time, understood the importance of sex for pleasure. As long as both participants were married, of course.
If you weren’t married, romantic relationships were preceded by a courtship. The potential couple would be under constant supervision during dates, and behavior was strictly chaste. Even when sharing a bed, men and women were expected to remain fully clothed, with a wooden plank between them to prevent any funny business.
It would be quite some time before attitudes toward sex began to relax, resembling what we hold true today.
The Early 20th Century
The 20th century was an era of sexual revolution. In the 1920s, young women known as flappers rejected the prudish attitudes of the time.
It wasn’t shocking by contemporary standards: no one is batting an eye at knee-high skirts anymore, and their scandalous petting parties amounted to little more than makeout sessions. However, their willingness to challenge ideas of sex and sexuality was revolutionary for the time.
Historical events also had a major impact on attitudes toward sex. During the Great Depression, marriage was prohibitively expensive for many couples, leading to many couples living and sleeping together out of wedlock.
The tension of the two World Wars, which led to many women being left on the homefront while their partners went to war, led to a rise of infidelity and sexual exploration. Honestly, I find “we might die tomorrow” to be a pretty hot justification for sex, so I can’t blame them.
Post-World War II and the Sexual Revolution (1960s)
World War II was followed by the baby boom, as the return of soldiers and the strength of the post-war economy meant people were more comfortable starting families. Since having a child was considered the main consequence of sex, making it more affordable to raise one led to an increase in sex overall.
However, things were totally upended by the introduction of the birth control pill in the 1960s. This, combined with the rise of second-wave feminism, led to discussions of bodily autonomy and reproductive rights and ultimately made many people feel more comfortable with the idea of casual sex.
Norms were being challenged, and both women and men began to break free of society’s expectations.
The HIV/AIDS Crisis in the 80s and early 90s
The HIV/AIDS crisis of the 1980s and early 90s represented a major blow against sexual freedom. This sexually transmitted infection, which at the time had no effective treatment, led to large-scale panic and countless deaths.
The tragedy of the HIV/AIDS crisis is how preventable it was. Early HIV cases in the United States were concentrated in marginalized populations, most notably the LGBTQ+ community. Because of this, officials allowed the disease to spread unchecked for years, and an entire generation of gay men was decimated. However, by the mid-1980s, the threat the disease posed became undeniable.
HIV revealed the fatal flaw in American attitudes toward sexuality. Sexual education was, and in some places still is, a controversial subject. Some parents were reluctant to explain where babies come from, let alone how to use a condom. So when HIV suddenly became a very real problem in their community, many had no idea what to do.
Campaigns to educate people about safe sex, including condom use and regular STI testing, were critical in stemming the spread of the disease and remain in place to this day. Now, safe sex is a major part of hookup culture, and the development of PrEP and better HIV treatments mean that people feel more secure in engaging in casual sex.
A Generational Shift in Attitude Toward Hookups
The term “hookup” is a generational slang for casual sex. However, generations have different attitudes towards whether a hookup is acceptable or not.
The Early 2000s: Pop Culture and Changing Gender Dynamics
Thanks to the advancement of technology, the internet, and online dating, the early 2000s is where a lot of singles took a more liberal approach to dating. Millennials started to embrace more freedom around their sexuality, and the portrayal of casual sex in the media had a big influence.
TV shows like “Sex and the City” and films like “Friends with Benefits” shed light on the possibilities of what casual sex and dating can look like. During this time, hookup culture also grew in popularity. More young adults became more accepting of non-traditional relationships, such as non-monogamy and open relationships, as a response.
Women also started to boldly and publicly challenge social norms, asserting their agency in casual encounters. The narrative of sexual liberation was a staple during this time and gained momentum where women everywhere started to feel empowered.
The Impact of Social Media and Dating Apps (2010s–Present)
The emergence and proliferation of platforms like Tinder, Bumble, and OkCupid have made casual encounters more accessible. There once was a time when singles struggled to find dates with people who were looking for something casual. It wasn’t until dating apps provided singles with the space to chat, near and far.
Dating apps similar to Tinder that offer the swiping method encourage instant and casual connections. With just a swipe, people can find local hookups without having to put in a sweat.
While this is a major advantage to some singles looking to keep things casual, the rise of ghosting and leaving people on read has taken a major emotional toll on singles’ lives to the point where some younger people don’t believe in long-term relationships.
Now, dating apps and people are encouraging singles to be upfront with their intentions from the get-go and to be mindful of what a casual relationship truly entails.
Modern Perspectives
While casual sex is the new norm, it still isn’t the only norm today. Some people still clutch onto conservative views on sex, while others are more open. It just comes down to a person’s values and what they want out of dating.
Generational Differences
Different generations have different attitudes toward casual relationships and hookups. The rise of hookup culture didn’t happen until the 2010s. Hence, millennials may approach hookups with a more nuanced perspective, whereas Generation X may not be as open-minded.
Many millennials embrace casual sex as a natural part of modern dating, likely because they were introduced to using online dating apps early on. Social media and hookup apps are changing daters’ communication styles and how they bring up sex. Discussions about sex in today’s time don’t have to take two to three business days to have –– sex dating apps like Plenty of Fish or Ashley Madison expedite the conversations.
Cultural and Regional Variations
As I mentioned earlier, the perception of casual sex varies significantly across cultures and countries. Your culture and religion are usually what first introduce you to sex and how you should practice it. Strict followers of Christianity believe people should only engage in sex in their marriage.
Other practices, such as certain forms of modern Paganism, vouch for individual autonomy rather than follow a strict belief that sex is confined to marriage. Although, at the end of the day, culture and religion serve merely as a guideline, some people take it very seriously and base their sex lives according to these principles.
Sexual Liberation vs. Objectification
To this day, there’s a big debate around sexual freedom and personal empowerment versus the commodification of sex. Some people argue that casual sex will soon lead to more singles becoming detached or using sex as a product or service. Other people claim that individuals should have the right to make their own choices regarding sex, whether it’s casual or not.
Believe it or not, casual sex intersects with broader feminist and social justice issues. Such as women and other marginalized groups gaining the right of having a choice to engage in casual sex or not. Sexual liberation is a key part of the feminist movement and what women fought for.
However, many people also believe that the normalization of casual sex can raise concerns about consent and exploitation.
Regardless of which side you stand on, there’s been an agreement that consent and mutual respect are necessary for any sexual encounter.
The Future of Casual Sex
While I don’t foresee casual sex going anywhere anytime soon, I can predict that society’s perception of it will slowly change. The dating scene is evolving and moving in a more inclusive direction, where nontraditional practices and relationships are accepted. Certain factors, such as technology, mental health discussions, and people’s willingness to change cultural attitudes, all play a part in making room for this new norm.
Consent and Communication
It’s refreshing to know that there is a growing emphasis on clear communication and consent when dating. Various dating apps and other online platforms provide safe dating tips for singles to use to set boundaries and learn the importance of consent. Consensual sex is encouraged on modern TV shows like “Sex Education.”
Shifting societal norms has the potential to create an environment where casual encounters are not only more respectful but also more fulfilling at the end of the day. Hookup culture is pushing people to have tough conversations about sex and address issues that may arise in the bedroom.
New Norms Around Sexual Fluidity and Non-Monogamy
It’s not surprising to hear about other nontraditional relationships rising in number. Casual sex has opened the door for singles to explore other sexual avenues. Which may result in more open relationships, polyamory, and fluid sexual identities in the future.
Also, the term dating has been challenged in the way people consider whether a pair is dating or not. Casual relationships are not tied to rigid labels of “dating” or “commitment.” Instead, the couple can claim their partner as a friend with benefits or even just a sex partner.
Challenges Ahead
I hate to admit it, but emotional burnout, attachment issues, and feelings of emptiness are often tied to casual encounters.
Yes, casual sex can be empowering and fulfilling for some, but for others, it can lead to emotional challenges that can affect their mental health and emotional well-being.
Unfortunately, the continuing stigma around casual sex in some communities isn’t going anywhere. That isn’t to imply that will stop people from having casual sex. That’s why there is a need for sexual education and more conversations revolving around sex to inform people.
Emotional support and having these discussions that may or may not be comfortable for participants in casual sex is crucial because it ensures that people engage in casual encounters in a healthy, respectful, and fulfilling manner.
The Sex-Positive Movement Still Has a Ways to Go
The future of casual sex in the dating scene will likely continue to evolve with technology, cultural changes, and new generations coming to the fray (hi, Gen Alpha!).
I would hope we’ll see greater emphasis on communication and mutual respect. But let’s be real, technology has made it so easy to hook up and ghost. So that’s an ongoing battle we have to wage in the swiping scene.
The upside: As societal norms around casual sex continue to relax, individuals have the opportunity to gain a better sense of who they are and what they need in the bedroom. The sex-positive movement is ongoing, but it is far from over.
