During undergrad, my dating life was a lot of trial and error. And some of my best dating experiences came from double dating with my best friend.
I met this guy, and although I knew him from class, I still didn’t feel like I knew him. So, I did what every college student does when they’re nervous about being alone with a guy—I brought my bestie with me.
And I’m happy I did because not only did I feel more comfortable, but it was nice to see my bestie make a new connection as well. It was like a two-for-one special.
Double dates are where two couples spend time together, usually doing something fun or casual. While the concept seems pretty straightforward, some details are often overlooked. Luckily for you, this article’s sole purpose is to shed light on the meaning of double dates and its impact on singles’ dating lives.
Key Things to Know About a Double Date
“Want to go on a double date? His friend is cute!”
If you’re a fan of double dating like me, then you’ve probably seen a text message like this before.
Let’s get one thing straight — before you plan a double date, you should know what you’re getting into. The vibes may be chill, but certain things can trip you up if you come in unprepared.
Common Activities
Double dates have many perks. First, they’re usually very casual and relaxed. Dating can sometimes feel overwhelming, so engaging in a low-pressure activity with friends helps make the experience more enjoyable and stress-free.
Everyone has a chance to unwind and focus on having a good time, whether they’re going out to dinner or playing a round of mini-golf.
The activity doesn’t have to be fancy because the company is what carries the date. What’s important to keep in mind when picking an activity is choosing something that everyone will enjoy equally.
The Social Benefits
Double dates serve as a way to keep a thriving social network even while coupled up. For couples who’ve been together for a while, double dates are refreshing because you get to catch up with mutual friends while spending time with your partner.
“So what did you think about him?” was a common question I asked my friend after a double date.
Dating alongside friends can reveal new sides of your partner. Maybe they tell different stories or joke around more with friends. That can give you insight that you may not have picked up on during a solo date.
Success Stories
Double dates, when successful, can strengthen a relationship.
Reality TV star Porsha Williams shared that going on double dates with her husband was great for their relationship. After putting in the effort to set the date with their busy schedules, Porsha said she and her friends found the night to be fun and rejuvenating.
“As the conversation progressed throughout the evening, I found myself thinking about the similarities and differences in each relationship. We also validated, supported, encouraged, and even modeled each other’s behavior,” said Porsha. “At one point my friend even stated, “This is so therapeutic.”
For instance, couple Andrew and Miranda shared that their relationship started after meeting each other on a double date with their exes. Now, isn’t that a fun story to tell?
Although on their double date, they both were with other people, they couldn’t help but realize how much they had in common with one another. Miranda shared that she had to give thanks to Andrew’s ex-wife for pointing it out on their double date.
“I remember writing in Andrew’s birthday card a month or so after we had been dating that I wouldn’t change a thing about what I had been through because, in the end, it led me to him. And the exciting thing is, this isn’t the end, it’s really just the very beginning!” exclaimed Miranda.
Why They’re Popular
Double dates grant people the opportunity to get to know someone in a more relaxed environment. There’s comfort in numbers. With a familiar face by your side, there’s reduced pressure.
Increased Conversation Flow
Group dynamics naturally help keep the conversations flowing. No one person feels pressure to carry on the discussion — couples can lean on each other. If one person doesn’t have anything interesting to say, one of the other three can jump in.
When you’ve got a mix of social butterflies on a double date, the conversation tends to take on a life of its own. This creates a more relaxed atmosphere versus a one-on-one hangout.
Less Awkwardness
First dates are usually awkward. Why? Sometimes, your nerves get the best of you. It’s easy to overthink and get worried about what to say next.
For new couples, double dates can help break the ice and provide a safety net. When I went on double dates with my best friend, I found it easier to share stories and piggyback off what she shared with the group.
Shared Experiences
Shared activities and memories can deepen connections and take your relationships to the next level. Not just with your partner, but with friends as well.
My boyfriend and I love inviting our friends on dates so they can try new things with us.
For example, we ended up doing a cooking class with another couple and had a great time — even though by the end of the night, we realized that maybe we weren’t the chefs we thought. The memories are priceless and something that we can all look back on fondly.
The Psychological Impact
Depending on the dynamic of the group, double dates can lessen or increase the mental load. The shared experiences can create more common ground and can foster better communication. But double dates can also heighten social anxiety and unfavorable comparisons.
Seeing Your Date Interact with Others
The advantage of double dating is seeing how your date interacts with other people. Sometimes, sitting back and learning about your date from a distance is way more effective than playing a game of 20 questions.
Watching how your date interacts with others, especially your friends, can reveal a lot about their personality and their character.
Does your date engage in conversations, or do they seem distant? Maybe you’re an introvert, and learn how extroverted your date is. Is that a dealbreaker, or is that something you find attractive?
These are the kinds of questions that you can answer by watching how your double date goes.
Reducing Judgment
Double dates may prevent over-analyzing each other, which again adds to a more relaxed atmosphere simply because the attention isn’t solely on one person. People often feel less self-conscious on a double date.
When you’re with friends or other couples, the social dynamics are often more comfortable because there’s already a level of trust. People are less likely to pass judgment and are more open to imperfections. Seeing other couples in their element and even their flaws highlights the fact that no relationship is perfect.
Feeling More Comfortable
As I mentioned earlier, double dates often allow people to let their guard down since there’s no intense focus on one-on-one interaction. It’s less pressure to carry the conversation. Oftentimes, people discover going on a double date helps boost their comfort with their date before a one-on-one.
Something also to consider is that double dates tend to emphasize friendship and socializing rather than romance, which allows people to connect without feeling too much pressure trying to be affectionate or romantic throughout.
Dealing With Potential Conflicts
As a private person, I’m not the biggest fan when it comes to sharing my business with others. But as I got older, and my relationship progressed, I realized that community is helpful when you’re dealing with conflict in your relationship.
My boyfriend and I went on a coffee date with another couple and were able to share certain conflicts we’ve encountered. Although it pushed me out of my comfort zone, it was very nice and refreshing to hear advice from them and learn how they overcame some of the same problems.
Double dates can be used as a way to navigate disagreements and lower the temperature in a relationship. Having a “buffer” couple in the mix can offer perspective and neutral ground, which is what every relationship needs.
Building Community
Throughout my school years, I found it easy to build friendships. Community was never something I had to work too hard for during high school and undergrad. But as I got older, I had to learn how to build community. One of the ways that worked for me was going on double dates.
Double dates can help couples stay connected to social groups and not be isolated.
It’s easy to get caught up in responsibilities and a daily routine. But making sure you plan out time to spend with others will help strengthen not only your relationship but also your overall well-being.
How to Ensure a Successful Meetup
Let’s be honest: depending on the company, a double date can make you feel anxious or like you are competing. And with a crowd, you can easily lose sight of spending quality time with your partner. But that’s not how double dates should be.
Instead, a successful double date prioritizes a balance between group conversations and intimacy. Find ways to connect with your partner by taking breaks in between activities to reconnect or create small cutesy moments by holding hands.
Plan as a Group
Planning dates as a group can be a hassle, but it’s necessary. Knowing what activities interest people or where they like to eat will help set you up for success. The last thing you want to happen is for someone to kill the vibe because they’re not a big fan of bowling or music festivals.
People like to feel included when planning dates. So, discuss interests and dislikes so that you can ensure that everyone has a great time and feels comfortable as well.
Mixing Fun with Meaningful Conversation
The best way to keep the conversation flowing during double dates is by making sure everyone has a chance to speak. Bring up topics where all of you can weigh in on the conversation.
Try to avoid awkward silences by asking open-ended questions. Keep the questions light and use humor when needed to make people feel more comfortable.
Be Present
Being present on double dates (or any day, for that matter) is critical. By being present, you’re able to connect more and give others the attention they need. Avoid distractions like phones and what’s going on around when having conversations.
Get Feedback
Double dates can also be a bust — and that’s OK! When the date is coming to a close, or after it’s over, check in with your friends to see if they had fun and want to go out again. Sometimes, the dynamics aren’t right, and you have to respect that.
Invite a Couple to Double the Fun of Going Out
I think it’s safe to say that inviting friends on a date isn’t such a bad idea. Overall, double dates offer a mix of fun, connection, and comfort for couples who are looking to get to know each other and friends.
This is why they are an excellent way to socialize and gain support without having to sacrifice the intimacy and closeness of a relationship.
