The Scoop: Dating is often spoken of so casually it can be easy to forget that it’s no simple process. If you don’t have the necessary knowledge and preparation, stepping into dating can be daunting. Lamont White is a dating coach and matchmaker who shows gay and bisexual men that they can succeed in dating and have fun doing it. Lamont talked to us about his practice, Better Way to Meet, and the approach he takes to help gay men find and form lasting connections. He shared insights about his background, his matchmaking and coaching philosophy, and the advice he has for single queer men.
Healthy relationships are central to a happy life, yet so many of us don’t have the essential tools we need to make strong and fulfilling connections. So many elements go into forming interpersonal relationships – whether it’s having the necessary communication skills or learning how to express yourself through body language – and we’re never formally taught any of them.
Different daters need different education when it comes to navigating relationships. The advice and wisdom that could help a heterosexual single could be nearly useless to a gay, bisexual, or lesbian dater. After years of experience in public health and couples counseling, Lamont White realized that gay and bisexual men need better resources for forming and navigating relationships and decided to make it happen.
Better Way to Meet is Lamont White’s matchmaking and coaching practice for gay and bisexual men. Lamont has met and heard the stories of hundreds of single and dating queer men and talked to us about what he frequently sees and what he wants single gay men to hear. Lamont knows that gay men need dating and relationship help that’s tailored to them and their unique experiences.
“One thing I noticed when I first started is that so many men don’t know how to date,” Lamont said. “They don’t know how to flirt, how to approach a guy, or how to let somebody know they’re single. I modified all the things I learned about matchmaking and coaching specifically for gay and bisexual men.”
A Dating Coach Who Sees the Whole Picture
Lamont, also known as The Gay Dating Coach, said he noticed that queer men needed something different from the matchmaking and coaching landscape. “I come from an eclectic background of public health and counseling,” he said. “I was working with LGBTQ+ couples, and I noticed the dynamics are so different, and a lot of the science was based on heterosexual couples.”
It’s wise to look for research-backed advice about relationships, but that can be a problem for LGBTQ+ daters, as so many studies and resources focus on heterosexual relationships. “The dynamics of our relationships are so different,” Lamont said. “It’s like comparing apples to oranges.”
Lamont saw this problem and designed Better Way to Meet’s resources to meet the pressing needs of single bisexual and gay men. He said he wanted to create a matchmaking and coaching service that possessed the knowledge and familiarity about gay dating and relationships, and offer personalized high-quality services.
“I got certified at the Matchmaking Institute and learned all the business and technical elements around coaching and matchmaking,” Lamont explained. “I combined what I learned there with everything I knew from my personal and professional experience about gay singles and couples. I looked at the science around what works for two gay men and tweaked the approach.”
Better Way to Meet has been serving singles and couples across the United States for the last decade. Since founding his practice, Lamont has brought on a business partner, Certified Sex Therapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Josh Noblitt. Together, the two help gay men step into healthy and vibrant relationships.
Reworking Matchmaking for Gay Men
Matchmaking is traditionally a gendered and heteronormative field, and Lamont told us that this has shaped the industry’s approach and tactics. “Heterosexual couples are often looking for very different things than gay couples,” he said. “Two gay men are often looking for companionship, sexual compatibility, and equity in creating the narrative of the relationship.”
Lamont said many of his clients are searching for equitable relationships. “It’s like a tennis match with two men,” he said. “They’re often looking for true partnership, where they both get to drive the car. Which sounds impossible, but if you do it well, you can teach people how to navigate life together.”
Lamont offers traditional matchmaking for gay men, and his database is nationwide. “I do really old-fashioned matchmaking,” he said. “I work with gay men over the age of 25. We start with a consultation, and I can get a feel for who you are and what you’re looking for.”
The consultation also attends to relationship and dating problems. Lamont said he wants to know where his clients struggle during this initial meeting. “I need to know dating challenges. I always tell people matchmaking isn’t like buying a car. It’s like building a car. I’m helping guys stay in relationships, not just find them.”
Once Lamont has taken on a client, he’s with them every step of the way. Lamont integrated coaching into his matchmaking practice to help clients throughout the journey, not simply setting up dates. “This is why I do dating coaching sessions with all my clients,” he said. “We talk about the dates, the experiences, and get into the weeds of it.”
Lamont Wants to Create More Authentic Dating Experiences
Lamont said he enjoys working with a wide variety of clients, but his favorite kind of client is ready for everything that dating can contain. They’re emotionally open to making connections but unsure of how to start or where to get to where they want to be.
“I love the types of guys who are maybe shy or reserved, but they’re open and ready to develop themselves,” he told us. “We get into who they are, what makes them smile, their passions, their fears– and then learn how to highlight these things in the dating process.”
Better Way to Meet is helping gay and bisexual men have better dating experiences, but Lamont said the practice’s mission goes beyond that. Through his services, Lamont is giving gay men the resources and space they need to create their own narratives about their love stories.
“Gay men are told so many negative things about who we are and what we should be,” Lamont said. “And I think one of the beautiful things about being gay is that we get to recreate this narrative and make our own about who we are and the types of relationships we want.”
