The Scoop: Mindset is everything – and this is definitely the case when it comes to romance. The Law of Attraction is a dating approach that centers positive thinking and manifestation. It offers an exciting perspective for daters who are ready for something empowering and authentic in their love lives.  Rickard Österholm is a dating expert and the chief blogger at Chi Rho Dating, and he gave us the details on the Law of Attraction and how singles can harness their own one-of-a-kind attraction to find the love they deserve.

I was once an experienced and perhaps even prolific procrastinator. Did the work get done? Absolutely. Did I wait until the last minute to do it? You know it.

For a long time, my proclivity to procrastination seemed innate, and even unproblematic, despite the amount of stress it caused in my life. When I really looked at my procrastination habits, and dug into the ‘why’ behind all of them, I realized my procrastination came from a place of anxiety.

Instead of picturing myself successfully and happily completing work or a project, I would imagine myself toiling through it, and expect a less than satisfactory result on the other side. I realized that so much of my procrastination came from a deep-rooted worry that I couldn’t do whatever I needed to do as well as I wanted to do it.

Getting over procrastination required a big mental shift. I started seeing projects as something I could tackle, rather than something painful. With that mindset switch, my procrastination habits became much less damaging and more manageable.

The mindset we go into a situation with can change everything about how we view and react to the situation, and a positive and self-secure mindset makes for more positive experiences, regardless of their outcomes.

When you enter dating with the right mindset, you’ll find you not only have better experiences, but you feel better about the process itself– even when it gets less than perfect. Rickard Österholm is a dating expert and the chief blogger at the dating blog Chi Rho Dating, and he talked to us about the Law of Attraction, and how positive thinking can be a dating game-changer.

“The Law of Attraction says you can attract someone or something you really want by setting your mind or putting your mind to it,” Rickard explained. “The basic concept says that by thinking about it, you will manifest it into reality.”

The Law of Attraction 101

Rickard said the Law of Attraction is about visualizing the kind of romance you’ve been looking for. We all hold an image or idea of what our ideal relationship and partner would look like, and the Law of Attraction has you tap into this desire.

“You have this picture in your mind of the person you want to attract, right?” he said. “We all have our ideal person, or someone we’ve met who we really liked, and we want to seek them as a romantic partner. By thinking about it, you can manifest it into reality.”

The Law of Attraction aligns one’s thoughts with one’s desires, and then this alignment translates into action and reality. But this means a person not only needs to be in touch with their own desires, but also make sure they’re seeking the right kind of partnership.

the law of attraction
The Law of Attraction aligns your desires with your thoughts and actions.

“We all struggle in love and relationships,” Rickard said. “We’re all different people, and we’re all looking for something different, so I always tell people to start off by writing down or saying aloud who and what they want.”

The Law of Attraction does rely on an idealized image of a person or relationship, and Rickard said that’s OK. The practice is about manifesting and attracting the best the world has to offer, with the full knowledge that no one person or relationship is perfect.

“This is the tricky part about the Law of Attraction,” Rickard explained. “You won’t find everything you want in a romantic partner, but there will be something and that something will be crucial. For example, that might a be sense of humor, or something else.”

The Law of Attraction also doesn’t look like imagining your perfect partner and then meeting them the next day. 

Rickard said, “When you start thinking about the kind of people you want to meet, you’ll start meeting more of those kinds of people, and they may introduce you to your romantic partner. It doesn’t always work how you think it will, but it turns out.”

Capturing Authenticity & Finding Companionship

The Law of Attraction can’t work if you don’t know what your ideal relationship would look like. Rickard said that keeping an open mind and being authentic are essential practices in the Law of Attraction, and this extends to when you’re formulating an image of a partner or relationship.

Rickard said those who find the most success with the Law of Attraction are showing up to dating as a great version of themselves. “Keeping an open mind and being authentic are so important,” he told us.

That all starts with showing up as you. Rickard said, “A lot of the process is about investing in yourself and developing self, your self confidence, and your self worth. Because you are bound for awesomeness, and you’re meant, before anything else, to be the best version of yourself.” 

show up authentically to dating
Authenticity is crucial, whether you’re using the Law of Attraction or not.

Singles should focus on the core elements of their ideal partner, not superficial characteristics. The process goes best when a person seeks the substantive elements of a relationship, like a sense of humor, empathy, and compassion.

When a person is the best version of themselves, they’ll attract people who see and appreciate the wonderful things about them. The Law of Attraction can be especially helpful for people who are struggling with a pattern of toxic relationships.

“People who aren’t helping us become the best version of ourselves, or push us down, or are toxic, are never people we should be with,” Rickard said. But patterns are hard to break, and they can be even more difficult to ditch when a person doesn’t understand why they’re happening. 

Clear Intentions Help Avoid Toxicity 

The Law of Attraction can help break bad habits for singles who have a history of getting into one toxic relationship after another. Rickard said singles struggling with repeated toxic relationships should focus on building up their own self-confidence first.

Rickard said that sometimes the root cause of repeated toxic relationships is deep-rooted insecurity that prevents one or both partners from achieving deep intimacy. Insecurities can manifest both as hurtful or manipulative behavior, and tolerance of hurtful behavior. 

“People need to start by showing themselves that they are a great person,” Rickard said. “They need to believe this if they want to find someone who believes it too.”

we all deserve a person who respects us
Never settle for less than you deserve.

Building up self-confidence is no easy task, but Rickard said that simple daily routines can give you a big boost. “I recently wrote a blog post about affirmations,” he said. “Things like ‘I deserve love’ and ‘I am in control of my life.’”

Rickard continued, “Because when you’re in a toxic relationship, you feel like you deserve to be with that person. You don’t think you deserve great love, and that’s just not true.”

While the Law of Attraction has been a powerful tool for countless singles looking for true companionship, the heart of the process is about self-love.

“I want to say to anyone, no matter if they think the Law of Attraction will work for them, that they deserve someone who respects them,” Rickard said. “We all deserve a person who builds us up, and respects us, and who we respect back. Always strive to be with a person who brings the best things out of you.”