The Scoop: Young people are consuming less alcohol today than the generations before them, and this shift has impacted dating in a big way. Club Pillar is a membership-based dating app open to singles embracing sobriety, and the platform is leading the way to a more sober—and authentic—dating scene.
I’ve been making an anecdotal claim about my generation for the past few years: Gen Z seems not to drink that much alcohol, especially compared to folks our parents’ age.
I wondered if it was just my social circle. I don’t like drinking and don’t drink often. I don’t care for bars or breweries or clubs, or any other place where it seems the only real activity to do is to get drunk. It’s not my thing, so it wasn’t shocking to me that the people in my life didn’t care for it either.
A simple Google search validated my claim. A World Finance report shows that Gen Zers drink on average 20% less than millennials, who also drink less than the generation before them.
This checks out for me. In my social circles, alcohol isn’t a staple of social gatherings, and when drinks are around, I rarely see my friends binge drinking or blacking out. People my age are also having candid conversations about alcohol and are far more comfortable talking openly and honestly about sobriety.
Jessie Urvater created a membership-based dating app that’s redefining sober dating. Club Pillar is open to everyone who embraces varying forms of sobriety, including sober-curious, ‘California sober’ (defined as abstaining from all substances aside from marijuana), or entirely abstinent.
Jessie talked to us about sober dating and why alcohol-free dating and community is attracting more and more people. Sober since 19, Jessie said she wanted to create a platform that caters to people along the sobriety spectrum.
“It can be hard to find like-minded individuals to date or be friends with who are either light drinkers or sober-curious,” Jessie said. “Modern dating can feel like a minefield even without having to treat your sobriety like an obstacle.”
Forging Alcohol-Free Connections
Each person has a different experience and background with alcohol, specifically how alcohol interacts with and informs their romantic life and relationships. Many sober singles prioritize finding partners who share their views on alcohol and can truly empathize with their experiences.
Sober dating is gaining popularity, especially among younger daters who aren’t consuming much alcohol. Sober dating comes with many benefits, including increased clarity, healthier lifestyles, and enhanced communication.
Alcohol can influence dating and dates in many different ways. It can often cause people to miss red flags and feel an overly pronounced sense of connection. Drinking environments aren’t always conducive to fostering real connections (think about how difficult it is to have a genuine conversation in a noisy bar).
Without the influence of alcohol, daters have the opportunity to interact and connect more authentically. It’s easier to make clear-headed decisions both during the date and in reflection after. Sober dating makes it easier for people to be fully present and engage meaningfully with each other.
The movement toward sober dating could be a symptom of a larger societal turn toward better mental and emotional health. Between historically high mental health concerns among Gen Z and the ongoing emotional impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic, mental health is slowly becoming a topic people can discuss more openly.
“We’re seeing sober dating grow year after year, specifically among younger generations who are more aware of their health,” Jessie said. “They’re just more present, they want deeper relationships.”
Sober dating isn’t just something people in recovery are engaging in. But for people in recovery, sober dating has a highlighted importance.
Recovering from substance abuse and remaining sober can be significantly disrupted by negative dating experiences, and sober singles prioritize dating people who share or can understand their sobriety.
Club Pillar was created to meet the needs of the emerging category of sober daters. The platform aims not only to set up singles for connection but also to build healthier relationships and communities.
The App for Sober Dating & Community Building
Jessie told us Club Pillar is for anyone looking for fun beyond alcohol. “I’ve been sober myself since the age of 19,” she said. “Traditionally, I’ve struggled on the kind of traditional mass market dating apps, whether it was because of stigma or dating someone who didn’t match my lifestyle.”
Alcohol is commonplace in mainstream dating culture, and this becomes especially apparent when singles are trying to avoid it. Sober singles often have to have big conversations about their relationships with alcohol early in dating, which can be frustrating and exhausting.
“I felt like I had to reveal too much information about why I was sober,” Jessie said. “Very early in conversations, what should have been small talk led to a huge personal reveal. I’ve gotten unmatched when I put on my profile that I’m sober.”
Jessie said other users jumped to judgments about her simply because she identified as sober. Instead of curiosity or respect, she was met with immediate assumptions about her and her past. “I’ve gotten asked why I don’t drink, people have even asked me if I’m an alcoholic,” Jessie said. “Just lots of assumptions and judgments.”
When Jessie got the idea for Club Pillar, she was dating a person struggling with alcoholism. She was at lunch with a sober friend and they talked about how they wished there was a place to connect with people who were engaging with sobriety.
“We don’t necessarily need or want to date someone who is completely sober, but definitely someone whose life isn’t centered around it,” Jessie said. “Club PIllar is a good fit for all kinds of people who don’t prioritize alcohol.”
Club Pillar’s matchmaking algorithm pairs people based on their type of sobriety. Users can identify as sober-curious, California sober, and in recovery, among other qualifiers.
“For example, we don’t want to pair someone that’s in recovery with someone who’s three months into recovery, because you’re not supposed to do that,” Jessie said. “We pair people based on how much they drink per week and what kind of sober they are.”
Healthier Relationships, More Inclusive Environments
Club Pillar is a bit more exclusive than other platforms, but Jessie said this is to keep the platform safe and effective for sober daters. “Users are vetted, and people typically need one to three referrals to get onto the app,” she said. “This is just to make sure that people are real and adhering to the guidelines.”
Users can’t screenshot on the app, ensuring an extra layer of safety and security for everyone. Jessie said the Club Pillar feature she’s most excited about rolling out is in-person events and meetups.
“The entire event space of the app is for premium members, and we have these ongoing events in major metropolitan cities where it’s stuff like speed dating, ice baths, saunas, pickleball tournaments, and retreats,” Jessie said. “We’re doing activities that are about fun beyond alcohol.”
Club Pillar isn’t the place for people in recovery to find recovery communities. “It’s not fully for people in recovery or communities of recovery, and it might not fit their needs,” Jessie said. “It’s for all types of sober, and it’s more a mission-based thing.”
Jessie said she’s trying to destigmatize sobriety through Club Pillar. “It’s a net social gain,” Jessie said. “We want people to talk about not drinking or being light drinkers and find people who are like-minded. Hopefully, we can get people to reconsider their relationship with alcohol.”
