Key Takeaways

A note to dating app developers, relationship therapists, and policymakers who want to better support non-traditional relationships: Doing so may not be as risky as was once believed.  

The Journal of Sex Research recently found evidence that dispels the long-held belief that monogamy is the only way for people to enjoy fulfilling romantic and sexual relationships. 

After analyzing 35 studies of 24,489 people in the U.S., Canada, Australia, Portugal, Italy, and other countries, the researchers realized that there are no significant differences in happiness or sexual satisfaction levels between people in monogamous or ethically non-monogamous (ENM) relationships. 

In fact, the study’s findings suggest that people in a specific type of ENM relationship known as a “monogamish” relationship may experience increased levels of relationship satisfaction. Swingers and people in consensual polyamorous relationships report experiencing increased sexual satisfaction, according to the researchers. 

This is most likely because, as the researchers said, it takes open-mindedness, clear communication, and firmly-established boundaries to make an ENM relationship truly ethical — and to make it work in general. 

This contradicts what traditionally minded folks have been saying for years: that the only way to find lifelong contentment and stability is to commit to one person. There’s nothing wrong with this approach, but the researchers in this study posit that ethically non-monogamous relationships, while non-traditional, are not doomed to jealousy and instability as some people — including some in the dating industry — may think.  

The Truth Behind The “Monogamy-Superiority Myth” 

ENM relationships have gained in popularity in recent years. Although the researchers estimated that just 5% of the U.S. population identifies as being in non-monogamous relationships, they conceded that this percentage is probably higher in actuality. 

“The true proportion of non-monogamy relationships is likely to be larger than 5%, given that the disclosure of these relationships is often met with stigma, and they are seen as being non-typical, are largely absent from mainstream media, and are often not recognized in medical or legal institutions,” the researchers wrote. 

Ethically non-monogamous relationships are growing in popularity, and yet they are largely  underrepresented on dating apps. What gives? 

“One explanation for this trend is the perception that monogamous relationships lead to improved health and wellbeing outcomes, increased relationship satisfaction, stability, and a safe environment for child-rearing,” according to the researchers. “Another theme that arises from the research suggests that much of Western society perceives monogamy as a moral choice, guided by religion and/or sociocultural norms.” 

The lead author of the study, Associate Professor and Principal Research Fellow at the Australian Research Center, Joel Anderson, called this belief “the monogamy-superiority myth.” 

People are typically reluctant to buck trends, especially if doing so leaves their moral character, particularly as parents, up for debate. The researchers claim that this perception perpetuates the stigma against people in non-monogamous relationships. It keeps some people from voicing their true desires, and even limits them to just a few ENM dating platforms. 

Dating Platforms Solely For ENM Relationships Are Scarce 

ENM daters can find like-minded partners on popular dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, and OkCupid, but it’s never a guarantee. It’s possible that many dating apps unknowingly (or knowingly) perpetuate the monogamy-superiority myth. 

Perhaps the closest the ENM community has to its own Tinder is Feeld, an app that presents itself as “a dating app for the curious” that helps people “explore gender, sexuality, and desire outside of existing blueprints.” 

Feeld achieved near-mainstream success in 2023 when it practically doubled its revenue from $21.9 million to $41.4 million, making it one of the most popular ENM apps in the market. Its growth suggests that people are ready to explore their non-monogamous sides, as long as dating apps are willing to explore it with them. 

It’s yet another sign that the modern consumer is on the lookout for niche dating platforms that cater to their specific needs and romance goals to a T. 

It also offers a solution to two common relationship problems: jealousy and distrust. 

“People in non-monogamous relationships often have agreements with their partner/s which mean infidelity isn’t a relevant factor in their relationships, whereas it is a naturally heartbreaking experience for those in monogamous relationships,” Anderson explained. 

The satisfaction that people in ENM relationships reported they experience does not waver in different demographics, such as LGBTQ+ groups, people in open relationships, or people in polyamorous relationships, the researchers found. 

The ENM Community Is An Undervalued Demographic

“These results call into question some of the most common misconceptions about non-monogamy,” the researchers noted. “Despite our findings demonstrating comparable satisfaction levels, people in non-monogamous relationships often face stigma, discrimination, and barriers to accessing supportive health care and legal recognition.”

With this in mind, dating apps have the opportunity to break these barriers and eliminate stigma. Still, Professor Anderson said that addressing this stigma falls on people inside and outside the dating industry. 

“This study highlights the need for more inclusive perspectives on different relationship structures,” he explained. “Health care professionals, therapists, and policymakers must recognize and support diverse relationship structures rather than assuming monogamy as the default or ideal.”

This study makes one thing clear: The taboo that’s too-often associated with ENM relationships is not based on facts, but on outdated assumptions and stigmas. Reaching out to this underrepresented group could make millions of people feel supported by, and more engaged with, the dating industry.