Picture this. You’re at a bar with your friends and had a couple of drinks — it’s a good ole time. And from across the room, you spot a cutie who looks like they can make your night even better. One thing leads to another, and then boom; y’all hit it off and take the fun back home.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call a one-night stand.
A one-night stand is a brief, consensual sexual encounter with no commitment or expectation of a lasting relationship.
It’s more common for singles to participate in one-night stands who aren’t looking to settle down. It’s swift, fun, and super chill.
But let’s go a little deeper. If you are thinking about participating in a one-night stand, you should know exactly what you’re getting yourself into and how to behave respectfully in these situations.
Key Characteristics of a One-Night Stand
Casual dating can consist of different kinds of relationships, such as a booty call, friends with benefits, and of course, a one-night stand. What sets a one-night stand apart from the rest is that it’s a simple sexual encounter with no expectation of staying in contact with the other person. Which is why the term “one night” is emphasized.
Lack of Emotional Commitment
One-night stands are mainly focused on immediate physical pleasure, so there’s no need to get too emotionally involved.
You’ll likely never have to ask on a one-night stand how their family is doing or how they do on their final exam. People prefer to stray away from having any emotional ties with a one-night stand because it can complicate things.
Short-Term Interaction (No Follow-Ups)
If you’re looking for a good time and not a long time, then a one-night stand may be exactly what you need. One-night stands don’t require long interactions, you don’t even have to know their last name. You can keep things short and decide how long you want the moment to last without having to worry about following up with them afterward.
Some singles stay the night and others leave right after the shared exchange — the choice is yours.
Mutual Consent
One-night stands should always be consensual. And checking in throughout the night is essential. Sometimes, people may feel one way while they’re out and about but feel another way back home. So, make sure to ask if your partner is feeling comfortable and remain flexible if things change so that everyone respects each other’s boundaries.
Historical and Cultural Context
The term one-night stand may have not been openly discussed for older generations, but having casual sex isn’t anything new. Over the years, people have had casual sex without putting any labels on it. It wasn’t until the 1870s that the term became more common in everyday language, and singles started to embrace this concept of having brief sexual encounters with people.
Origin of the Term
This may come as a surprise, but the phrase “one-night stand” originated from theater. It would describe a performance to be brief and only for that night. It then got picked up by people in hookup culture and used to describe having sex with someone for one night.
Casual sex has evolved and is now popularized in what we see on TV and read in books (thank you, BookTok, for always knowing the spicy reads). It’s no longer strange or unacceptable for someone to want to engage in such activity — making it easier for people to have more liberty over their sexual urges and desires.
One-Night Stands in Different Cultures
Although one-night stands are more accepted now, some things may prevent someone from considering partaking in one, such as culture and religion. For example, in Christian communities, the idea of having a one-night stand may be against their beliefs. Conversely, Hinduism is a more sexually open-minded religion where a one-night stand might not be frowned upon.
The Impact of Modern Media
Casual sex is heavily portrayed in modern media — from “Sex in the City” to “Euphoria.” The media ultimately shapes and influences people’s perspective on one-night stands. It can make you feel like casual encounters are cool, liberating and maybe a little risky.
“Some love stories aren’t epic novels — Some are short stories.” — Carrie in “Sex in the City”
You’ll often find TV shows and movies that reflect modern dating, which may include one-night stands such as the 2007 romcom, “Knocked Up.” It’s a great tool to show singles what one-night stands look like and what may happen as a result of one.
Psychological and Emotional Dynamics
Yes, one-night stands are meant to be brief encounters where you don’t have to be emotionally invested. But, and this is a big but, some psychological and emotional surprises arise as a result of having one. Whether you find yourself feeling more sex-positive or struggling with detachment issues, it’s important to understand how you’re feeling before and even after you have a one-night stand.
Sexual Liberation
One-night stands can be a positive experience that can leave you feeling empowered and more in control over your sex life. One-night stands provide the perfect opportunity to discover your kinks, without any judgments.
Before the “free love” movement of the 1960s, singles didn’t have the liberty to partake in personal exploration and discover what they do and don’t like sexually. Now online dating gives us the chance to sext anywhere, anytime.
Superficial & Unfulfilling Flings
When you think about having a one-night stand, make sure you ask yourself the big question — why? People who participate in one-night stands for the wrong reasons often end up feeling empty and regret the act later.
If you feel yourself seeking a self-esteem boost or validation through sex, you might want to consider going to therapy to get to the root of those issues.
Or some singles say yes to a one-night stand hoping it would be a doorway into getting to know the other person, which unfortunately doesn’t usually work out and leads to emotional confusion.
Unmet Expectations
When having a one-night stand, there can be some expectations you might have, which is fine. But as we all know, expectations can lead to disappointment. Whether that’s because you envision the night to be not as awkward or the person didn’t know your body and what you like in the bedroom. It happens. But don’t be too bummed out if it does.
Attachment and Emotional Bonds
It is possible for emotional attachment to form after a one-night stand. Often, those feelings are one-sided and not very realistic. Dealing with those feelings could be a nightmare if not handled appropriately.
Many singles question whether a real relationship can form after a one-night stand. I like to think it can, but it’s not something people should get their hopes up about due to the casual and temporary nature of the relationship.
Social and Gender Perspectives
One-night stands aren’t the same for everyone. There are different social and gender perspectives that you have to consider. Just because your male friend had a one-night stand, and it turned out great doesn’t mean you’ll have the same experience as him — and vice versa.
Gender Differences
Men and women have always had different troubles and experiences when it comes to dating. And that gap remains true for one-night stands, as men and women may experience one-night stands differently, both socially and emotionally.
There are different societal pressures singles may face when having a one-night stand. For men, it’s often expected for them to perform a certain kind of way, whereas it’s common for women who do participate in one-night stands to be reduced to being seen solely as sexual objects. In response, both men and women have to learn how to navigate through certain feelings, such as anxiety and rejection.
Power Dynamics
People like to think that it’s an equal playing field when it comes to one-night stands, but I hate to break it to you — it’s not. Social status, class, and gender roles can all play a role in who has the power for the night. As I mentioned before, although we’re slowly moving away from this mindset, men are expected to take charge and be the alpha in the bedroom, which can translate into having more power.
If someone is more financially well-off, they are more likely in charge of determining where the one-night stand will be placed: a fancy hotel or back at their expensive condo. But you do have those rare occasions where none of that means anything and the night is purely focused on physical pleasure.
The Impact of Social Norms
The truth is that our community and the people we surround ourselves with influence us and the choices we make in engaging in casual sex. I know, I didn’t want to believe it at first either, but it’s true!
If your social circle is filled with people who may be more conservative, then you may likely feel less inclined to say yes to a one-night stand. On the other hand, peer pressure to normalize sex is also a real thing. If everyone in your social circle is engaging in one-night stands, you may feel like you have to do it too.
Potential Risks to Consider
One-night stands have their fair share of risks, which, in my opinion, is why I think people are into it. Considering these risks and the possible benefits will help you decide which one-night stands to say yes to.
Emotional Expectations
Having sex, whether that’s with a partner or a stranger, is an emotional risk. It’s easy to get caught up in all the motions and catch feelings with people you have a night of fun with. When you agree to a one-night stand, there’s a risk of developing attachment or unrealistic expectations afterward.
Safe Sex
When you have more than one sexual partner, there’s a health risk involved in your sexual activities. But don’t fret, the fun doesn’t have to stop. Plenty of resources, such as condoms and birth control, can help you practice safe sex. It’s important to practice safe sex to prevent STIs, STDs, and unplanned pregnancies.
Although having a one-night stand can be exhilarating and things can heat up pretty quickly, you should always keep safety in the back of your mind.
Self-Esteem
One-night stands can certainly increase your confidence and be empowering, but they can also damage your self-esteem. No one likes being rejected, and it can do a number on your self-esteem if you take it to heart. For some people, that’s the reason they don’t put themselves out there as much.
Picking up a date is a risk, but one that can be worth taking to boost your confidence. Because when the fish takes the bait, it’s a great feeling.
Safety and Etiquette
There are two things that you absolutely must consider when doing a one-night stand: safety and etiquette. This ensures that the night is comfortable and smooth throughout. Whether you’re new to the casual dating scene or a seasoned player, there are a few tips below that can help you seal the deal.
Communicate About Consent
We’ve all heard the phrase, “communication is key,” and that applies to one-night stands, too. Even though there’s not much talking involved (or so you might hope), discussing consent is one conversation that must be had.
Get clear, enthusiastic consent and establish boundaries like where you like to be touched and not beforehand, so there’s no confusion.
Use Protection
Use protection so you can be protected! Use condoms or birth control that can help prevent STIs or any other unwanted health surprises that come your way. It may not be a top conversation on your list, but feel free to discuss sexual health and how you two can be safe.
Some people feel even more comfortable with a one-night stand after discussing the last time they got tested or knowing the girl is on birth control.
Show Respect
Respect is something that should be given before, during, and after the one-night stand. Make sure to respect each other’s boundaries and what you two agreed upon prior.
Respect each other’s space by not sleeping over if not invited to do so. Or if you bump into each other in social situations, you should still be respectful and greet the person as you would a friend or acquaintance. Don’t blurt out any embarrassing or intimate details in public. Some people prefer to keep one-night stands private, so you have to respect it.
Get Consent, Be Discreet, and Enjoy the Moment
One-night stands can be fulfilling for some people, but they come with risks that should be carefully considered.
My advice is to be mindful of why you want to have a one-night stand and not a relationship, even a casual relationship. Although it can be a ton of fun in the moment, a one-night stand isn’t all that emotionally fulfilling. That sexy, euphoric feeling will only be temporary if you’re not in the right headspace overall.
