The Scoop: Imagine an online dating group where everybody is just as serious about dating as you are. That’s what andwemet is offering to singles 28 and beyond. The group’s founder, Shalini Singh, talked to us about the vibrant group and how it’s connecting serious singles in a “community for grown-ups.” 

I’m the kind of person who frequently hops on and off the dating app wagon, and the cycle always goes like this.

I decide I want to date again, so I download the apps geared toward more serious dating. I get excited making my profile perfect and I get swiping. And then I swipe, and swipe, and swipe. And I make some cute matches! And then we chat, and chat, and chat, and, if we’re lucky, we’ll plan a date. 

If we’re even luckier, we’ll go on that date. Then, once the swiping and the chatting gets not-so-fun anymore, and I only have one date to show for it, the apps go bye-bye and I’m again convinced I don’t need to date at the moment.

Sounds fun, right?

swiping online dating
Dating apps aren’t supposed to feel like games. Sometimes they do.

Any person who’s searched for a serious relationship online knows how frustrating the process can be. (And, honestly, on-and-off-again users like me probably aren’t making it any better.) Between the endless swiping and the nonexistent dates, dating apps aren’t always the most hospitable areas for serious daters.

If you want a serious dating experience, you need to go to a serious dating space. 

andwemet is a platform for Indian singles 28 and beyond to seek and find lasting connections. The platform is by application only, and once you’re in, you’re connected with thousands of high-quality singles in a private WhatsApp group.

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet. She talked to us about the platform and what it’s doing to cultivate an effective, simple, and straightforward approach to “dating for grown-ups.”

“When I decided to start looking for a partner in my mid-30s, I felt like everybody had written me off,” Shalini said. “Because I’m 36 they thought I couldn’t look for love and romance at my age. I found this unacceptable, and that’s why I built andwemet.”

Shalini’s Journey to a Grownup Search for Love

Shalini told us two life experiences led to the idea behind andwemet. Shalini began her career as a kindergarten teacher and soon moved into the tech marketing space. During this impressive progress she was making in her career, Shalini was also introduced to families of potential partners.

“From 19 to 26, I was introduced to not boys, but their families,” Shalini told us. “They were to decide if I was the right person for their son, nephew, cousin– whoever. This happened from the time I was in college until about six or seven years later.”

Family introductions are a common practice in many areas of India. While Shalini was gainfully employed and came from a wonderful, nurturing family, the introductions became a deeply painful, and eventually transformative, experience for her.

“My complexion is considered dark, and I was rejected by everyone because of this,” Shalini told us. Everything else that made Shalini who she was didn’t seem important in this process. She told us the repeated rejection was devastating.

“I didn’t see myself that way, I never thought to myself I wasn’t attractive because of my complexion,” Shalini said. “But the people I met made me feel that way.”

andwemet
Shalini’s journey led her to create a safe and welcoming space for serious daters.

The idea of growing up, and specifically of getting married, was a central component of Shalini’s adolescence. “In every culture, we have concepts of growing up,” Shalini said. “A big part of it is getting married. The conversation is always there about getting married in Indian families.”

Eventually, Shalini and her family decided to stop the introductions. Her parents sat her down and told her she had two options: She could feel bad about what the world was telling her, or she could move on, and she would have their full support with either option she chose.

Shalini chose to move on. But she didn’t feel good about herself. She had a lot of rebuilding to do in terms of her self-image and confidence. After years of self-work, she was ready to date in her mid-30s. Unfortunately, she received negative messages about her age once she was back in the dating scene.

These two experiences led Shalini to search for something better.

“First, I was rejected because of my skin color, and then my age,” Shalini said. “That’s what led me to build andwemet.”

The Option for People Sick of Swiping

Shalini didn’t want to create just any dating platform. She wanted it to be more than just effective: She didn’t want to contribute to the toxic and hurtful dating practices that she had experienced.

“A product isn’t easy to build, especially one that’s raising hopes for people and is about their emotions,” Shalini said. “I wanted it to be ethical.”

Shalini took a leap of faith in early 2024 and created andwemet. The community is designed to serve Indians 28 and above who are exhausted with online dating so they can connect over shared values, experiences, and interests, forming meaningful bonds. “Dating is different once you’re out of your 20s,” Shalini said. “And I felt like there were enough services for people 18-28.”

andwemet
andwemet takes swiping out of the online dating equation entirely.

To become a part of andwemet, you have to complete a detailed form with information about yourself, your romantic experiences, and what you’re looking for in a partner. The platform keeps guidelines for who can join and wants people who are mature, honest, and ready for grown-up partnerships.

When you fill out the form, you’ll answer unique questions like, “I define privilege to be,” plus describe your childhood and teen years. You’ll let the andwemet team know your age, marital status, whether or not you have children, and your current professional title.

“We ask about the school you graduated from, your educational background, how you view relationships, your income, even your religious affiliation if that’s important to you,” Shalini explained. “We also ask if you’re OK with dating a single parent, or someone who has been divorced.”

The andwemet team sends the community members questions daily in the form of a poll or a direct question. These questions get people thinking, and their responses help other members learn about them.

A common feedback is where the members state that dating within this community makes them feel less alone, knowing others share similar thoughts, fears and experiences.

The more detailed and in-depth the information you include, the easier it is for others to understand you and ask for introductions. Once accepted, you’ll be added to the singles community, currently hosted on WhatsApp.

While introductions are encouraged, the community also engages in meaningful discussions on topics like compatibility—whether personality, financial, or sexual. Then it has members share fun facts about themselves or posts that state their Must-Haves fostering connections.

What You Seek Is Also Seeking You

The andwemet team sends its community members questions daily. These questions get people thinking, and their responses help other members learn about them. Shalini gave us a glimpse into the group and how it works.

Shalini gave us a glimpse into the group and how it works — we saw questions like this: “What would you do if you woke up and realized you lost the job you loved and relied on for financial independence?”

And here’s the second question: “How would you react if you found out that the person you’re enjoying getting to know lost their job?”

andwemet focuses on making dating not an exhausting experience. Beyond introductions, many members often book time with Shalini for guidance on their dating journey, whether they’re single by choice or circumstance.

andwemet
When you join andwemet, you’ll be able to focus on the aspects of a potential partner that matter.

All responses are tracked in a central place, where members can browse each other’s responses. When you see a response that interests you, you can learn more about that person based on the information they’ve provided to andwemet.

The one thing that sets andwemet apart from nearly every other group out there is the exclusion of photos. Instead, the app hosts a weekly video meeting on Sundays to give members the chance to meet and mingle face-to-face.

“All the members come in, and you’re hearing and talking with each other,” Shalini said. “It’s way better to be able to see each other and get an idea of how you talk to each other.”

andwemet was made for and by people who know too well the difficulties of dating and want something better. All of its features are designed to make grown-up dating what it should be: an empowering experience.