Step Into the Lifestyle With Confidence & Knowledge

Everything useful I’ve learned about relationships, I’ve learned about in three ways: in therapy, through trusted friends and family, and by being in relationships.

Having someone you can go to to talk about dating and relationships is so important. And it’s even more important to turn to people you can trust, and whose opinion you value.

You probably wouldn’t give too much credence to the advice of a stranger on the street. Keep that in mind while you’re browsing online for advice about dating and romance. 

You should look for information, rather than answers, that gives you the foundation you need for healthy relationships. No matter who you are or what kind of relationship you’re looking for, having the crucial information you need to navigate the scene in a healthy way is essential.

When you’re stepping into non-monogamy, having a solid educational background is even more important. It ensures you and your partners will have an informed, fun, and fulfilling experience. Being informed also helps protect you from miscommunication and hurt feelings.

With so much advice out there, you should keep a discerning eye when deciding which sources to trust. Resources that are unbiased and straightforward are a great place to start to learn about the lifestyle in a beginner-friendly way. 

We talked to Georgia Fuchs, PhD, about the lifestyle, online resources for swingers, and why education is so important. Her website, SwingersHelp, offers resources for everyone who swings, whether they’re beginners or seasoned veterans.

“We wanted to create something for people looking for information, not answers,” Georgia said. “We wanted to have a one-stop, agenda-free type of resource that people can browse at their own pace or just refer to when they have a specific question.”

The Story Behind SwingersHelp

Georgia started SwingersHelp with her husband, Will, after years of enjoying swinging through the non-monogamous community. They both had other jobs and decided to create the platform as a labor of love.

“I’m definitely someone who reads everything I possibly can when I’m trying to wrap my head around a new topic,” Georgia said. “I often think about the many important conversations I’ve had with friends over cups of coffee, and we trade advice and stories.”

This is the tone of the resources on SwingersHelp. Georgia said they write articles to share lived perspectives, not necessarily professional answers. If you’re interested in the lifestyle, learning about real experiences and other people’s stories can give you insight into what to expect from the experience.

On SwingersHelp, there’s no right or wrong way to go about swinging. The lifestyle definitely keeps certain standards and etiquette, but different people and communities take different approaches. 

“We’re not suggesting there’s one correct way to participate in the lifestyle,” Georgia explained. “We think it’s important for people to figure out what works for them. And we try to introduce them to swinging basics like etiquette and safety tips.”

Finding the kind of swinging or non-monogamous community and experience isn’t always straightforward. Knowing the basics can help you find partners and communities that make you feel accepted and safe.

Swinging comes with plenty of adventures and misadventures. It’s all game on SwingersHelp. Fellow lifestylers share their stories on the site to pass on and gain perspectives. 

“We were really touched early on in our own lifestyle journey by the stories that people we met told us about their own journeys,” Georgia said. “We have a Swing and Tell section, where real swingers talk about their experiences.”

Real swingers share their experiences, and Georgia and Will’s own journey with the lifestyle keeps their offerings authentic. It’s important to seek resources about non-monogamy that are cultivated by people who have a comprehensive and informed understanding of the lifestyle.

Avoid These Common Swinging Pitfalls

If you want to explore swinging, Georgia said there are a few things to consider. Communication is one of the most important factors in a healthy relationship, and this continues to be the case when you open your relationship to others.

The first is that if your partner doesn’t want to swing, you shouldn’t try convincing them.

“We often get email inquiries, and I always see multiple questions about how to convince a partner to swing,” Georgia said. “I think that premise is by itself a non-starter. Getting into swinging is not about convincing your partner to want it, or that it will be a good move.”

If one person really wants to enter the lifestyle and the other person is unsure, Georgia said it’s essential to move at the pace of the slowest party. This concept is at the core of SwingersHelp’s resources.

“The number one mistake people make is not moving at the pace of the slowest person in the relationship,” Georgia said. “You’ve really got to be tuned into your partner and make sure you’re communicating and making decisions that are right for both of you.”

Swinging isn’t a fix for broken relationships. Here are some questions you and your partner can ask yourselves to decide whether swinging is right for you:

• Are you looking for no-strings-attached sex, or emotional connection?
• How well is your relationship doing right now?
• Do you feel safe and secure with your partner?
• Is it easy to feel confident when your partner is with someone else?

Take time to have honest and empathetic conversations with your partner about how you’re feeling along each step of the way. If you’re approaching the topic with your partner for the first time, it’s crucial you choose the right time and place.

You should also be honest and communicate your feelings, concerns, and curiosities. Let your partner know how long you’ve been thinking about it and how much you’ve been thinking about it– don’t shy away from your truth.

Once you and your partner are on the same page about your desires and intentions with the lifestyle, you can start exploring the different communities out there.

Non-Monogamy Illuminates Intimacy

Asking yourself these questions and having conversations with your partner will often lead you to topics other than opening the relationship. They often lead to deep conversations about the relationship, your needs, and your desires.

Non-monogamy doesn’t just teach you about other people– it teaches you about your own relationship and yourself. “I don’t think 20 years ago I ever would have imagined that I would be in a non-monogamous relationship,” Georgia said. 

“Intimacy is really about communication,” she continued. “It’s about sharing yourself in ways you feel comfortable with. It doesn’t have to be a physical thing. And I would say my most intimate relationships, outside of my marriage, are not at all sexual.”

Intimacy takes many forms, and when we attend to one form, we ultimately strengthen all of them. All healthy relationships include some level of intimacy, and we get to draw boundaries to decide the types and levels of intimacy different relationships have.

In the swing lifestyle, couples should regularly communicate about their feelings, concerns, and needs. “Understanding that it’s up to me and my partner to decide how much of an intimate component we bring to sex is a core component of this,” Georgia said. 

Entering into the lifestyle should be a step that underscores the strength, resiliency, and closeness of the relationship you and your partner have. It should feel empowering for both of you.

Georgia said, “We got to the point where we were both comfortable saying there’s more exploring that I want to do outside of this relationship, but that does not threaten at all what we have, and it was huge.”