Key Takeaways

OkCupid partnered with nonprofit organization It’s On Us to ask 500 OkCupid users how they approach sexual assault prevention in their dating lives. The responses were almost universal: Most of the people surveyed combat sexual assault by embracing authenticity on dating apps. 

Ninety-three percent of singles told the dating app that they are totally honest in their profiles — no exaggerations, no filters, no lies. They’re clear about what they want and who they are, and aren’t willing to hide their boundaries if it means putting their safety at risk. 

Dating apps haven’t always been welcoming places for people who want to talk about boundaries. They encourage superficiality by design. 

“When we swipe — and swipe, and swipe, and swipe — we are objectifying ourselves and each other, making it harder to perceive each other as humans rather than commodities of the dating market,” said clinical counselor Dr. Charlie Huntington on Psychology Today. 

But that was another era. People will always find superficiality on dating apps, but on many platforms, the days of heavily filtered photos, endless swipes, and more than the occasional dick pic are behind us. This wave of caution and security is part of a new era in dating: the authenticity era. 

Dating Apps Have An Opportunity to Educate 

The carefree thrill of hookup culture isn’t canceled out when potential partners take the time to talk about their boundaries. In fact, OkCupid’s survey shows that daters would probably respond favorably to apps that provide educational materials about how to express and establish boundaries. 

Seventy-eight percent of OkCupid respondents said it’s normal to discuss sexual preferences, including what’s on and off the table, before hitting the sheets. And 75% said they always discuss sexual boundaries with their partners. 

A safe atmosphere goes a long way to fostering trust, communication, and, most importantly to dating app developers, engagement on dating platforms.

Safety is in both the consumer and the developer’s best interests; it’s why, for example, Hinge recently appointed a new Chief Risk Officer. It’s all part of an industrywide commitment to user safety.

Gen Z is more likely to voice their boundaries than other age groups, according to OkCupid. In fact, 82% of Gen Z respondents told OkCupid that they always establish boundaries before hooking up with someone.

This is also why a good majority of OkCupid respondents — 83% — felt that colleges and universities have a responsibility to “do more” to help prevent sexual assaults. Recent college graduates were especially passionate about this (93%), perhaps because of traumatizing experiences back in college. 

As OkCupid’s survey indicates — and as It’s On Us reported in a national study called “Engaging Men,” which studied male college students’ perspectives on sexual assault — many men either don’t know how to help prevent sexual assault, or they don’t know there’s a problem at all. Dating apps have the power to change this. 

“The vast majority of participants reported that the prevention trainings they received, often online-only, were boring and ineffective,” It’s On Us concluded. “They expressed interest in training that would teach them how to intervene and deescalate situations involving sexual violence.” 

While It’s On Us emphasized the benefits of in-person training, dating apps have a clear opportunity to provide interactive, compelling, and action-based educational materials to dating app users. It’s On Us even highlighted how surveyed men responded positively to training programs that end in an official certification. 

Daters Are Talking About Boundaries On and Off the Apps 

To dating professionals who work closely with families, such as matchmakers and even family therapists, this number may not be surprising: 63% of daters have had open discussions about sexual assault and domestic violence with their families and friends. 

The young daters surveyed by OkCupid felt strongly that conversations about sexual assault and boundaries shouldn’t only happen between sexual partners.

Unsurprisingly, topics like sexual assault and domestic violence are discussed more by women than by men, according to OkCupid (women are 10% more likely to talk about these tough topics with their loved ones). 

Even with safety measures in place on dating apps, such as ID photo verification and account blocks/bans, women are still more likely to be sexually assaulted than men. It’s On Us found that 1 in 5 women deal with sexual assault in their lives. 

The number is even worse for people in the trans community: 1 in 2 trans people deal with sexual assault. Men aren’t immune, either; 1 in 33 men also deal with sexual assault. 

Women are also more likely to call out powerful institutions, especially the government, to do more about sexual assault and domestic violence prevention, according to 72% of singles surveyed by OkCupid. 

Clearly, people of all ages, from Gen Z to baby boomers, are talking about the importance of boundaries in sexual and romantic relationships. These conversations, then, are also happening on dating apps, which means these apps have a unique opportunity to become leaders in the fight against sexual assault. 

Increased engagement on dating apps could be as simple as providing responsible leadership that makes users of all genders feel safe expressing their boundaries. 

OkCupid’s survey respondents point to a new era in dating apps where authenticity isn’t only a means of connection, but of staying safe.